The Greatest Movie Insults
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- DirectorChristopher McQuarrieStarsRyan PhillippeBenicio Del ToroJuliette LewisTwo criminal drifters without sympathy get more than they bargained for after kidnapping and holding for ransom the surrogate mother carrying a baby for a powerful, shady man."Shut that *beep* mouth or I'll come over there and *beep* her head!"
- DirectorPaul Thomas AndersonStarsDaniel Day-LewisPaul DanoCiarán HindsA story of family, religion, hatred, oil and madness, focusing on a turn-of-the-century prospector in the early days of the business."You're just the, afterbirth, Eli. Slithered out on your mother's filth. They could've put you in a glass jar on a mantlepiece."
- DirectorStephan ElliottStarsHugo WeavingGuy PearceTerence StampTwo drag performers and a transgender woman travel across the desert to perform their unique style of cabaret."Is it true that when you were born, the doctor turned around and slapped your mother?"
- DirectorGraeme CliffordStarsChristian SlaterSteven BauerRichard HerdA young avid skateboarder uncovers a government conspiracy while investigating his adoptive brother's mysterious death."If I had a dog with a face like yours, I'd shave his ass and teach him to
walk backward." - DirectorMartin RittStarsWoody AllenZero MostelHerschel BernardiIn 1953, a cashier poses as a writer for blacklisted talents to submit their work through, but the injustice around him pushes him to take a stand."And, furthermore, you can all go *beep* yourselves."
- DirectorCharles CrichtonJohn CleeseStarsJohn CleeseJamie Lee CurtisKevin KlineIn London, four very different people team up on a jewel heist, then try to double-cross one another for the loot, complicated by their efforts to fool a very proper barrister."You pompous, stuck up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, *beep* dickhead, a*****e!
- DirectorJohn LandisStarsSteve MartinChevy ChaseMartin ShortThree actors accept an invitation to a Mexican village to perform their onscreen bandit fighter roles, unaware that it is the real thing."You dirt eating piece of slime, you scum-sucking pig, you son of a motherless goat!"
- DirectorJames FoleyStarsAl PacinoJack LemmonAlec BaldwinAn examination of the machinations behind the scenes at a real estate office."You're a *beep* secretary, *beep* you! Yeah, that's my message to you, *beep* you, and kiss my ass!"
- DirectorMartin McDonaghStarsColin FarrellBrendan GleesonCiarán HindsAfter a job gone wrong, hitman Ray and his partner await orders from their ruthless boss in Bruges, Belgium, the last place in the world Ray wants to be."You're a *beep* You're a *beep* now, and you've always been a *beep* And the only thing that's gonna change is that you'll become an even bigger *beep* Maybe have some more *beep* kids."
- DirectorJohn McTiernanStarsArnold SchwarzeneggerCarl WeathersKevin Peter HallA team of commandos on a mission in a Central American jungle find themselves hunted by an extraterrestrial warrior."You're one ugly *beep*
- DirectorJohn CarpenterStarsRoddy PiperKeith DavidMeg FosterThey influence our decisions without us knowing it. They numb our senses without us feeling it. They control our lives without us realizing it. They live."You, you're okay. This one, real *beep* ugly!"
- DirectorShane BlackStarsRobert Downey Jr.Val KilmerMichelle MonaghanAfter being mistaken for an actor, a New York thief is sent to Hollywood to train under a private eye for a potential movie role, but the duo are thrown together with a struggling actress into a murder mystery."Look up 'idiot' in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?"
"A picture of me?"
"No, the definition of the word 'idiot' which you *beep* are!" - DirectorMartin ScorseseStarsLeonardo DiCaprioMatt DamonJack NicholsonAn undercover cop and a mole in the police attempt to identify each other while infiltrating an Irish gang in South Boston."It's unbelievable. Who put the *beep* cameras in this place?"
"Oh, who the *beep* are you?"
"I'm a guy who does his job, you must be the other guy!" - DirectorJames FoleyStarsAl PacinoJack LemmonAlec BaldwinAn examination of the machinations behind the scenes at a real estate office."I've been in this business for 15 years."
"What's your name?"
*beep* you, that's my name!" - DirectorGeorge ArmitageStarsJohn CusackMinnie DriverDan AykroydMartin Blank is a professional assassin. He is sent on a mission to a small Detroit suburb, Grosse Pointe, and, by coincidence, his ten-year high school reunion party is taking place there at the same time."Tell me about it."
"Like I'm gonna put a bullethole in your *beep* forehead and I'm gonna *beep* the brainhole?!?" - DirectorJohn HughesStarsSteve MartinJohn CandyLaila RobinsA Chicago advertising man must struggle to travel home from New York for Thanksgiving, with a lovable oaf of a shower-curtain-ring salesman as his only companion."Why don't you try the airlines, a lot faster, and you get a free meal."
"If I wanted a joke, I'd follow you into the John and watch you take a leak." - DirectorJared HessStarsJon HederEfren RamirezJon GriesA listless and alienated teenager decides to help his new friend win the class presidency in their small western high school, while he must deal with his bizarre family life back home."Trying to earn money for college."
"Your mom goes to college." - DirectorJames L. BrooksStarsJack NicholsonHelen HuntGreg KinnearA single mother and waitress, a misanthropic author, and a gay artist form an unlikely friendship after the artist is assaulted in a robbery."How do you write women so well?"
"I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability." - DirectorRon UnderwoodStarsBilly CrystalJack PalanceDaniel SternOn the verge of turning 40, an unhappy Manhattan yuppie is roped into joining his two friends on a cattle drive in the southwest."I crap bigger than you."
- DirectorRowdy HerringtonStarsPatrick SwayzeKelly LynchSam ElliottA bouncer hired to clean up the baddest honkytonk in a Missouri town. Armed with a black belt in karate and a degree in philosophy, Patrick Swayze sets out to tame the Double Deuce for its owner."I used to *beep* guys like you in prison!"
- DirectorHenry HathawayStarsJohn WayneKim DarbyGlen CampbellA drunken, hard-nosed U.S. Marshal and a Texas Ranger help a stubborn teenager track down her father's murderer in Indian Territory."I call that bold talk for a one-eyed fat man."
"Fill your hands, you son of a bitch!" - DirectorBryan SingerStarsKevin SpaceyGabriel ByrneChazz PalminteriThe sole survivor of a pier shoot-out tells the story of how a notorious criminal influenced the events that began with five criminals meeting in a seemingly random police lineup."You know what happens when you do another turn in the joint?"
*beep* your father in the shower, and have a snack. You gonna charge me, dickhead?" - DirectorJames L. BrooksStarsJack NicholsonHelen HuntGreg KinnearA single mother and waitress, a misanthropic author, and a gay artist form an unlikely friendship after the artist is assaulted in a robbery."People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch."
- DirectorJohn LandisStarsEddie MurphyDan AykroydRalph BellamyA snobbish investor and a wily street con artist find their positions reversed as part of a bet by two callous millionaires."I'll rip out your eyes, and piss on your brain!"
- DirectorJohn HughesStarsEmilio EstevezJudd NelsonMolly RingwaldFive high school students meet in Saturday detention and discover how they have a great deal more in common than they thought."That's what I thought. You're a gutless turd."
- DirectorGuy RitchieStarsJason StathamBrad PittStephen GrahamUnscrupulous boxing promoters, violent bookmakers, a Russian gangster, incompetent amateur robbers and supposedly Jewish jewelers fight to track down a priceless stolen diamond."Oi *beep*
*beep* I gotta remember that next time I'm climbin' off your mum." - DirectorAlfonso CuarónStarsDaniel RadcliffeEmma WatsonRupert GrintHarry Potter, Ron and Hermione return to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for their third year of study, where they delve into the mystery surrounding an escaped prisoner who poses a dangerous threat to the young wizard."You! You foul loathesome evil little cockroach!"
- DirectorJohn LandisStarsEddie MurphyPaul BatesGarcelle BeauvaisAn extremely pampered African prince travels to Queens, New York and goes undercover to find a wife that he can respect for her intelligence and strong will."Now lets see if you can defend yourself, you sweat from a baboon's balls!"
- DirectorMartin CampbellStarsScott GlennChris O'DonnellBill PaxtonA climber must rescue his sister on the peak of K2, the second highest mountain in the world ."A hundred thousand sperm, and, uh, you were the fastest?"
(laughter) - DirectorChris ColumbusStarsMacaulay CulkinJoe PesciDaniel SternAn eight-year-old troublemaker, mistakenly left home alone, must defend his home against a pair of burglars on Christmas Eve."You are what the French call, les incompetents."
- DirectorJohn LandisStarsJohn BelushiKaren AllenTom HulceAt a 1962 college, Dean Vernon Wormer is determined to expel the entire Delta Tau Chi Fraternity, but those troublemakers have other plans for him."Mr. Dorfman?"
"Hello!"
"0.2. Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son." - DirectorLeo McCareyStarsGroucho MarxHarpo MarxChico MarxRufus T. Firefly is named the dictator of bankrupt Freedonia and declares war on neighboring Sylvania over the love of his wealthy backer Mrs. Teasdale, contending with two inept spies who can't seem to keep straight which side they're on."Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you, he really is an idiot!"
- DirectorDanny DeVitoStarsDanny DeVitoRhea PerlmanMara WilsonA girl gifted with a keen intellect and psychic powers uses both to get even with her callous family and free her kindly schoolteacher from the tyrannical grip of a sadistic headmistress."Her father says she's a real wart."
"A what?"
"A carbuncle, a blister, a pustule of malignant ooze!" - DirectorFrank CapraStarsClark GableClaudette ColbertWalter ConnollyA rogue reporter trailing a runaway heiress for a big story joins her on a bus heading from Florida to New York and they end up stuck with each other when the bus leaves them behind at one of the stops along the way."Aw, nuts! You're just like your old man. Once a plumber's daughter, always a plumber's daughter!"
- DirectorStanley KubrickStarsMatthew ModineR. Lee ErmeyVincent D'OnofrioA pragmatic U.S. Marine observes the dehumanizing effects the Vietnam War has on his fellow recruits from their brutal boot camp training to the bloody street fighting in Hue."How tall are you, Private?"
"Sir, five foot nine, sir!"
"Five foot nine, I didn't know they stack s**t that high!" - DirectorBob ClarkStarsSylvester StalloneDolly PartonRichard FarnsworthA country music star must turn an obnoxious New York cabbie into a singer in order to win a bet."You can always tell when a blonde has been over to my house, the toilet ain't never flush, and the cat's pregnant!"
- DirectorRon SheltonStarsKevin CostnerSusan SarandonTim RobbinsA fan who has an affair with one minor-league baseball player each season meets an up-and-coming pitcher and the experienced catcher assigned to him."Hit me in the chest with that."
"I'd kill you."
"Yeah? From what I heard, you couldn't hit water if you fell out of a *beep* boat!" - DirectorJames CameronStarsSigourney WeaverMichael BiehnCarrie HennDecades after surviving the Nostromo incident, Ellen Ripley is sent out to re-establish contact with a terraforming colony but finds herself battling the Alien Queen and her offspring."Hey, Vazquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?"
"No, have you?" - DirectorBilly WilderStarsKirk DouglasJan SterlingRobert ArthurA frustrated former big-city journalist now stuck working for an Albuquerque newspaper exploits a story about a man trapped in a cave to rekindle his career, but the situation quickly escalates into an out-of-control circus."They bleached your hair, they must've bleached your brain, too."
- DirectorGeorge CukorStarsNorma ShearerJoan CrawfordRosalind RussellA study of the lives and romantic entanglements of various interconnected women."Never mind dear, chin up. That's right, both of them."
- DirectorBrian De PalmaStarsAl PacinoMichelle PfeifferSteven BauerIn 1980 Miami, a determined Cuban immigrant takes over a drug cartel and succumbs to greed."Even if I were blind, desperate, starved and begging for it on a desert island, you'd be the last thing I'd ever *beep*
- DirectorJohn HughesStarsEmilio EstevezJudd NelsonMolly RingwaldFive high school students meet in Saturday detention and discover how they have a great deal more in common than they thought."Face it, you're a neo-maxi-zoomed dweebie!"
- DirectorFrank CapraStarsJames StewartDonna ReedLionel BarrymoreAn angel is sent from Heaven to help a desperately frustrated businessman by showing him what life would have been like if he had never existed."In the whole vast configuration of things, I'd say you're nothing but a scurvy little spider!"
- DirectorRon ClementsJohn MuskerStarsScott WeingerRobin WilliamsLinda LarkinA kind-hearted street urchin and a power-hungry Grand Vizier vie for a magic lamp that has the power to make their deepest wishes come true."YOU are a worthless street rat. You were born a street rat, you'll die a street rat, and only your FLEAS WILL MOURN YOU!"
- DirectorRobert IscoveStarsFreddie Prinze Jr.Rachael Leigh CookMatthew LillardA high school jock makes a bet that he can turn an unattractive girl into the school's prom queen."You're vapor, you're spam. A waste of perfectly good yearbook space."
- DirectorJohn CromwellStarsBette DavisLeslie HowardFrances DeeA young man finds himself attracted to a cold, unfeeling waitress who might ultimately destroy them both."And after you kissed me, I always used to wipe my mouth! Wipe my mouth! We laughed at ya, because you was such a mug, mug, mug! (breaks plate) You know what you are, you creepy lake monsta!"
- DirectorColin HigginsStarsJane FondaLily TomlinDolly PartonThree female employees of a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot find a way to turn the tables on him."Your foul heart, a wart on the nose of humanity, and I'm going to blast it off."
- DirectorAmy HeckerlingStarsAlicia SilverstoneStacey DashBrittany MurphyShallow, rich and socially successful Cher is at the top of her Beverly Hills high school's pecking scale. Seeing herself as a matchmaker, Cher first coaxes two teachers into dating each other."Why am I even listening to you to begin with? You're a virgin, who can't drive."
- DirectorAlexander MackendrickStarsBurt LancasterTony CurtisSusan HarrisonPowerful but unethical Broadway columnist J.J. Hunsecker coerces unscrupulous press agent Sidney Falco into breaking up his sister's romance with a jazz musician."I had to take a bite out of you. You're a cookie full of arsenic."
- DirectorPenny MarshallStarsTom HanksGeena DavisLori PettyTwo sisters join the first female professional baseball league and struggle to help it succeed amid their own growing rivalry."Has anyone ever told you, you look like a penis with a little hat on?"
- DirectorWilliam KeighleyStarsBette DavisAnn SheridanMonty WoolleyAn acerbic critic wreaks havoc when a hip injury forces him to move in with a Midwestern family."Oh my, you musn't eat candy, Mr. Whiteside, it's very bad for you."
"My great aunt Jennifer ate a whole box of candy every day of her life. She lived to be a hundred and two, and when she'd been dead three days, she looked better than you do now!" - DirectorLeo McCareyStarsGroucho MarxHarpo MarxChico MarxRufus T. Firefly is named the dictator of bankrupt Freedonia and declares war on neighboring Sylvania over the love of his wealthy backer Mrs. Teasdale, contending with two inept spies who can't seem to keep straight which side they're on."Not that I care, but where is your husband?"
"Why, he's dead!"
"I bet he's just using that as an excuse."
(nods head no)