Dad's Army: One of the Best!
One of my favourite British sitcoms, "Dad's Army" needs no introduction. I regard the series at its greatest, from 1968 to 1973. With the tragic and sudden loss of a regular cast member (James Beck as private Joe Walker), "Dad's Army" lost most of its momentum. The characters of Captain Mainwaring, Corporal Jones, Walker and ARP Warden Hodges are the ones that stand out. David Croft and Jimmy Perry are the ideal writing team.
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- 1968–197730m7.6 (160)TV EpisodeDirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnJones' butcher van is converted into an armoured car for the platoon.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe Platoon spend the weekend at a training facility, where they are challenged to capture an officer.
- DirectorHarold SnoadStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring discovers his men do not know how to use a public telephone, a key part of his new defensive plan, when a German plane crash lands near Walmington.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe platoon fires off (almost) all its ammunition at an enemy plane and Mainwaring insists on doing what he sees is the right thing.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring and Wilson are trapped in the bank with an unexploded bomb.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring discovers that he was never actually promoted to Captain, and must adjust to life at his correct rank: Private.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnA field gun is delivered to the platoon; can they work out how to use it?
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring's men practice saluting and take control of a runaway barrage balloon.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring and his platoon get into a pickle when they're put in charge manning an observation post on a derelict pier.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe platoon holds a dance providing a variety of opportunities for dysfunctional social intercourse.
- DirectorHarold SnoadStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnIt is revealed that Private Godfrey was a Conscientious Objector in the First World War, leading Mainwaring and some of the platoon to brand him as a coward. However, during an exercise in which Mainwaring collapses with smoke inhalation, it is Godfrey who, at risk to himself, rescues him. When Mainwaring and the others go to visit Godfrey, recovering in bed, they see a photo of him with a military medal, won in the First World War when he was a brave stretcher bearer who saved many lives. Mainwaring is ashamed and asks Godfrey to be the platoon's official First Aid representative.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe platoon buys a canoe, and intends to create a river-based defense system, but get lost and drift into the ocean.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring and the platoon are off on the hunt for British and German parachutes, parachutists, and the 'lingerie' made from them.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnPte. Fraser loses the butterfly spring from the platoon's Lewis gun, and fears it is trapped inside a coffin with the late Mr. Blewitt.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe Platoon is tasked with placing signposts to mark the route for a convoy but they soon have their own problems.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnPike gets his head stuck in the park railings and bombs create chaos. What's needed is a Man of Action.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe Platoon go on an exercise featuring secret agents and a gorilla.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnLady Maltby loans her Rolls Royce to the Home Guard; typically the platoon mess things up.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnWhen the call goes out for recruits for the new Local Defence Volunteers, in Walmington the town's bank manager appoints himself commander and raises a platoon despite his minimal previous military experience.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring spots an opportunity to arm his men with exhibits from the local museum. Jones senior, the curator, has other ideas.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe horsing around continues as Captain Mainwaring makes a rash pledge.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring's men capture a couple of German airmen.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnDuring an inspection from HQ, Jones is found to be over-age however he is given a chance to stay if he can complete the assault course in under 15 minutes.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnAfter an unenthusiastic physical training session, the platoon use subterfuge on a training exercise and reveal a mystery.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnCaptain Mainwaring makes his plans to respond to an invasion then a series of miscommunications occurs.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe platoon is picked to provide a guard of honour for Churchill but might their shooting skills let them down.
- StarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring's men dress up as fifth columnists in an attempt to remedy the apathy displayed by the population.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnCaptain Mainwaring and the men have a 'brief encounter' as womenfolk join the platoon to fight against the common foe.
- StarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnCaptain Mainwaring's reservations to accept the 'non-combatant' role of umpire in maneuver exercises (as deputy for the Home Guard colonel) quickly disappear when he learns the job comes with a non-assigned staff car. His platoon might be allowed to keep this car, but he makes the mistake of bragging in advance it would be some sort of limousine, so the less grand model gets him generally laughed at. Next Jones' remarks about military car seating etiquette starts an unmusical dance of chairs in it. Pike's eagerness to be allowed in it as runner and general boyish pride are irresponsibly stirred by warden Hodges's niece Sylvia, a regular army driver and the only girl to look at him in times, who besots him to go to the pictures and makes him take the car, ignoring Jones didn't put the petrol in.
- DirectorHarold SnoadStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnOn parade Mainwaring notices that Wilson is looking even more distracted than usual and asks him what is wrong. Wilson has heard Mavis telling Pike that 'a little Arthur is on his way' and assumes that he has got Mavis pregnant. Mainwaring tells him to do the decent thing and marry her but when it turns out that the little Arthur is a ten-year-old London evacuee that Mavis has taken in there is no wedding.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring finds that Jones's books don't balance but he is just the man to sort it all out.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnDespite assessing Wilson's efficiency unfavourably, Mainwaring leaves him to organise a recruiting poster.
- DirectorDavid CroftRobert KnightsStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe old rivalry between Mainwaring and Hodges resurfaces as they both organise displays for the local "Wings for Victory" pageant.
- DirectorBob SpiersStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe platoon are tasked with guarding a vital telephone line. Predictably mishaps ensue.
- DirectorHarold SnoadStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe Walmington platoon have to defeat the Eastgate Platoon in an exercise. Mainwaring has a plan utilizing a diver and revolving around Jones.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe men hatch plans to curb Mainwaring's latest passion; feet and boots.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnPike gets caught up in barbed wire - just as his mum is paying the platoon a visit.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnJones, Fraser, Godfrey and Pike are trapped in the lighthouse tower at night when they accidentally illuminate the entire town for enemy bombers.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring, and Wilson, are both stunned to find themselves undermined, but an opportunity arises to hit the bull's-eye and regain respect.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnWalker and Godfrey become trapped in the gasworks they are guarding. Mainwaring and his men come to the rescue with watery consequences.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe platoon are at the cinema watching a Greta Garbo film but only Mainwaring stands to attention for the National Anthem and gets knocked over by the others rushing for the exit. On the bus home they encounter Hodges, who is rude to the bus conductress. Mainwaring defends her but again gets knocked down as the men hurry to get off for last orders. After getting the men to stand for the anthem on parade next day - though Wilson accidentally plays the German anthem - Mainwaring falls out with his wife and has a toasted cheese supper with Wilson and Jones. He falls asleep in his air raid shelter and dreams that he is Napoleon, Wilson is Wellington and the conductress is Josephine. As in the events of the previous night he gets knocked over. When he wakes up his wife has left him a note to tell him off for not coming home.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnRumours abound when Sergeant Wilson is seen with his arm around an attractive young woman in a WREN's uniform, causing an argument between himself and Mainwaring who catches him sleeping off a hangover in the church hall. Suddenly pigeons appear - Walker has got them to sell to Jones in the absence of other meat but he has yet to kill them, which he eventually does. However, a radio report reveals the disappearance of pigeons from Trafalgar Square, so he hides them in the organ loft and out they fly when Jones plays the organ. The young lady with Wilson is actually his daughter from a brief marriage.
- 1968–197728mTV-PG7.8 (128)TV EpisodeDirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe platoon are on an exercise whereby everyone except for Godfrey and Jones ends up in a deserted barn. Jones sees from the map that they have been given the wrong reference and the barn will be blown up in half an hour as part of a live ammunition exercise. They try to phone up but Godfrey cuts the wire by mistake. To add to their plight Jones's van has broken down,so he has to take the colonel's car to reach the barn and warn the platoon in time.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnAfter another of Mainwaring's long, creative 'vital' lectures, Jock is appointed spokesman to complain that the men have had enough of wasting their time. Mainwaring tries a suggestion from the manual: the troublemaker is to have a go at being an officer. 'Captain' James Frazer proves an even worse tyrant, demotes and promotes but impresses the new area commander, fellow Scotsman Major General Menzies. When everyone is back to their real rank, an invitation arrives, meant for Jock, who didn't mention the charade. The invite is to play the pipes with some men in the HQ haggis ceremony.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe Walmington-on-Sea platoon are called in to help with the harvest at Godfrey's ladyfriend's farm.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnCaptain Square ridicules Mainwaring for the pitiful state of some of his men's rifles. The captain rudely denies it but internally blames it all on Wilson's lax inspection techniques and general poor style. Worse is to come when the A.R.P. have George Mainwaring formally charged for an un-obscured light emanating from the church where his platoon is. The verger warns Hodges it's a false accusation and the platoon rehearses their lie. Mainwaring defends himself and the presiding magistrate is none other than the still offended Square.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnAt a business community function, where both Wilson and Walker outshine him, Captain Mainwaring accepts a challenge to prove his men are a match for the Home Guard's new, regularly trained, physically superior commandos. Their display of 'brains over brawn' should eliminate the commandos-guarded fuel depot by getting a fake bomb there. A far-fetched plan, dressed up as firemen, ends in the usual brave bumbling from the braves and the for once collaborating verger. Surprises come from a real fire and real brains.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe platoon is called to seize a German pilot whose parachute is caught on the church steeple clock. Getting him down is hard enough, given the language barrier. Then Jones manages to drop the ladder and the warden refuses to help. Even the clock's hourly display figures seems to remember it's German-made. Luckily, the vicar and Wilson recall their fairy tales..
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnA 'ghost' from Jones's past joins the platoon, bringing allegations. Jones is compelled to defend his reputation in historic vignette.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnJones has been entrusted with five hundred pounds by local shopkeepers but when he brings it to the bank he finds he has a pound of sausages instead. Frazer hypnotizes him into recalling when he last saw the money, apparently stuffing a chicken for Mr. Blewitt, but there is no money in the chicken. various suggestions as to its whereabouts are made until it is eventually found.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe platoon is obliged to attend an efficiency test exercise. With onions.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnA train of events derails the Platoon's best efforts to form a royal guard of honour.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe platoon arranges a welcome party for the first American soldiers arriving in Britain. However, the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring and the platoon must keep their wits primed whilst guarding some captured U-Boat crew.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnDad's Army goes Hammer Horror when the Jones's lorry runs low on fuel outside a spooky house on a stormy night.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnWilson enlists two unlikely recruits, the vicar and the verger, whilst Mainwaring is stuck in hospital.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnCaptain Mainwaring's home truths are revealed when his brother pays a visit.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe vicar holds a charity bazaar, the proceeds going to luxuries for the troops. Godfrey tries to sell his home-made wine but people are getting drunk by tasting and not buying it. Mrs. Mainwaring fails to turn up after an accident with the bath enamel but donates some hideous lamp-shades she has made. Hodges contributes three oranges and Mainwaring is anxious to secure one for his wife but when Wilson gets Pike to buy it for the captain, the two end up bidding against each other and raising the price of the orange. Mainwaring finally buys it only to find it is a bitter orange, for marmalade-making.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe rivalry between Mainwaring's Home Guard and Hodge's ARP men surfaces again when it comes to who marches at the front of a parade.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring's pique on learning of Wilson's promotion, leads to more chaos in Walmington and Eastgate.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnWhen Jones accidentally kills a turkey, the platoon organises a lavish turkey dinner for the pensioners of Walmington-on-Sea.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnCaptain Square continues to vex Captain Mainwaring, leading to an inter-platoon competition.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe ARP wardens challenge the Home Guard to a cricket match.
- 1968–197730m7.7 (71)TV EpisodeDirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnWalker gets his call-up papers; the platoon devise a series of ploys to avoid losing him to active service.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring is told by HQ to make a promotion. Would it be wise to promote Frazer?
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnDuring the German fire bombing campaign, the platoon has to deal with fires and a suspect enemy agent, all with the usual high jinks.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnMainwaring and Hodges, and their men, are forced by circumstances to share facilities - with predictable bad grace.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe War Office plans a review of both the Home Guard and the ARP in order to decide which less fit soldiers of the first and less fit of the second should be transferred to the other corps. As this is the last thing that either group's men want, various tricks go towards making them look younger or older. After a field exercise proves the platoon's fitness is at best questionable, Mainwaring tries a terrible toupee, Wilson wears a corset, Frazer and Walker make money by using unsuitable beautician substances.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe platoon's first-ever private party, thrown by the captain at his disappointingly plain home, proves un-amusing. It's cut short anyhow by a bomb alert - a hit on his bank! The money is carried to the church, counted painstakingly with typical bumbling and tension then carried off, but the captain drives the horse cart with new disastrous consequences.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnWilson inherits a title to become 'The Honourable Arthur Wilson' but he insists he is still a man of the people.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe platoon is selected to act as Nazis in an army film. With Wilson and Pike playing officers mayhem is inevitable.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnPike gets his call-up papers whilst Mainwaring and Hodges vie for who can recruit the most blood-donors.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnWhilst Mainwaring has to endure a replacement office door made of paper, Godfrey's cottage will need demolishing to make way for a new airfield. Members in the platoon each help out in ways reflecting their unique characters.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnThe Platoon's weekend camp is enlivened by the Sea Scouts and Nazis.
- DirectorBob SpiersStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnCaptain Mainwaring tries to persuade Frazer to deposit his hoard of gold sovereigns in the bank.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsArthur LoweJohn Le MesurierClive DunnCorporal Jones marries Mrs Fox in this, the final episode, whilst the platoon are ever watchful in case of invasion.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesGeorge LaytonWindsor DaviesIn Camp Deolali, at the close of World War Two, a British army concert party is rehearsing 'Top Hat' to entertain the troops, when word comes that there will be an anti-British protest by locals. RSM Williams, a disciplinarian, finds the men's appearances sloppy. New arrival Gunner Parkin takes over in the show when gunner Mack is stricken with the runs but the performance is halted by the demonstrators, who pelt Williams with cow dung.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesGeorge LaytonWindsor DaviesRSM Williams argues with the well-educated pianist Gunner Graham over spelling but loses the argument. Young Parkin identifies a picture of a woman in Williams' tent as being his mother and, working out the arithmetic, Williams is convinced that he is the lad's father and tries to get him into the concert party full-time to save him from active service. Parkin is talentless but is saved by the news that the war is ended.
- 1974–198130m7.5 (47)TV EpisodeDirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesGeorge LaytonWindsor DaviesRumzan the company's punka wallah, who works a cooling fan with his feet, and other punka wallahs throughout the regiments, are to be replaced by electric fans - or electric fannies, as the camp's wheeler-dealer Rangi Ram terms them. The concert party agree to employ him but Williams points out that only officers can have punka wallahs. This leads to general unrest and sympathy strikes by the electricity and telephone employees. Eventually Gunner Solly provides a solution. Rumzan can power a fan by peddling a bicycle and another wallah can cool him.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesGeorge LaytonWindsor DaviesParkin is useless on stage so the other performers sack him. An angry Williams appoints him as stores clerk - at which he is also incompetent - and plans to send the rest of the men up into the jungle. They need a plan to prevent this until the absent commanding officer, Colonel Reynolds, returns. Rangi thinks of one but Williams forestalls him. However salvation comes when the men persuade Reynold's Number Two, Captain Ashwood, to put on a show built around his Noel Coward impression and cancelling the trip up country.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesGeorge LaytonWindsor DaviesWilliams, who disapproves of soldiers as entertainers, thinks the men need toughening up and leads them on a survival course in the jungle. Whilst he is surviving on berries and jungle water the men are having cups of tea and cooked meals provided by the local staff, who are following them. He cannot understand why they seem so much fitter than him. Soon they arrive at the house of the local district commissioner, who is hosting Reynolds and the captain. He likes the idea of a concert party and, to Williams' dismay, asks them to put on a show for him.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesGeorge LaytonWindsor DaviesParkin goes from one disaster to another. Asked to clear a mess from the yard he has the officer's mess demolished. However Williams still thinks he is his son and constantly defends him. Rangi gets blood samples from the sergeant major and the gunner,proving that the lad is not Williams' son. Parkin is relieved but the men realise that Williams must continue to believe Parkin is his son to keep him in the concert party and stop them from being posted up country. They therefore tinker with the samples to keep Williams in blissful ignorance of the truth.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesGeorge LaytonWindsor DaviesThe party heads for Bannu to put on a show, first by train and then by jeep, which breaks down in the desert. Knowledge that tribesmen killed British soldiers there 50 years earlier does not inspire confidence. Then some local tribesmen appear. The concert party sit down to talk with them with Rangi acting as interpreter. When the khan learns that they are a 'road show' he confuses them with the 'Road' film series, popular at the time, leading to Solly impersonating Bing Crosby and the company's drag queen Gunner 'Gloria' Beaumont doing a version of Dorothy Lamour--which goes down rather too well.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesGeorge LaytonWindsor DaviesWilliams, as ever, is annoyed that the men do not act like 'real' soldiers but the colonel explains that, as a holding unit, they are not obliged to wear identical uniforms. Williams tricks Solly into providing the company with uniforms on the pretext that he wants them to do a military song number. However, a general suddenly turns up to inspect the company. They arrive at the parade ground in their uniforms but are rubbish at presenting arms - until they are provided with music, including a song from Rangi. The general is impressed by their rhythmic performance and Williams feels thwarted yet again.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesWindsor DaviesGeorge LaytonWilliams is irritated by the men's inability to correctly perform an evening ceremony whereby the flag is run down the mast and is delighted when an entertainments officer arrives from Delhi, with orders that the party performs in the jungle. He confirms that Parkin cannot go because he has a bad case of dandruff. However the Colonel orders that all of them, including himself and Ashford should go, and that includes Williams and Parkin.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesWindsor DaviesGeorge LaytonThe plane carrying the concert party crash lands in the jungle. The pilot is knocked unconscious but nobody is hurt. However the radio is damaged and the group have no idea where they are - possibly behind enemy lines. They send out a scouting group who capture some oriental-looking gentlemen. However they are Chinese waiters at a local restaurant and the men are only five miles away from the nearest town.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesWindsor DaviesGeorge LaytonNot only has somebody written 'British Pigs Go Home' in stones but they have replaced the Union Jack with the flag of India and Williams is irate. He climbs onto the roof and pulls down the Indian flag, just as the new - native - district officer arrives. He too is irate and demands an apology from the sergeant major, though the men help Williams out by making it an apology in song.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesWindsor DaviesGeorge LaytonWilliams hatches a mean plan to get the men into trouble by arranging a gig with free food for them at the Kama Sutra Club, a disreputable local establishment which is out of bounds to the soldiers. To avoid detection they enter the club dressed as military policemen but the show goes down very badly and ultimately is raided because of the naughty goings-on upstairs. The men put on their military police uniforms in order to escape but Williams, who has also gone to the club to rescue Parkin, is left wearing a clown's outfit.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesWindsor DaviesGeorge LaytonWilliams evicts the Sadhu, a holy man, from the parade ground and bangs in the nails on his bed of nails with a hammer. The Sadhu puts a curse on him, saying he will not sleep without pain so the men trade on this by putting itching powder in his bed. Then Williams really seems to believe that he is cursed. The only way to lift the curse is to get another holy man to cancel it, but they all want paying, so Gloria dresses as a holy man and gets Williams to chant "Oh wata nass iam" to restore him to normal.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesWindsor DaviesGeorge LaytonColonel Reynolds is conducting an affair with the wife of a colleague, Daphne Waddilove-Evans, whose Chinese maid Ling Su is acting as a go-between for their correspondence. When Williams sees Ling Su he is very taken by her and arranges a date with her in the moonlight. The men hear of this and decide to follow and take a compromising photograph but, due to a series of accidents, Williams is photographed with Daphne instead. Solly clears things up by explaining it was all a rehearsal for a farce they were staging.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesWindsor DaviesGeorge LaytonWhilst Williams is getting his smart new uniform Solly is auditioning snake charmers,one of whose cobras escapes and ends up under Williams's bed. Williams is urged to keep playing the snake charmer's flute and moving it about to stop the cobra attacking him. Rumzan joins him but unfortunately attracts another snake. The cobras have to be shot but this also involves putting bullet holes in Williams's new uniform.
- DirectorDavid CroftStarsMichael BatesWindsor DaviesGeorge LaytonSheltering from monsoon rain in a temple once used by the Thugs, a murderous religious sect from the previous century, the group discover a statue of Devi, the sect's goddess, with rubies for eyes. Everybody makes their own efforts to steal the rubies but, come the morning, Rangi explains that the temple's curator will sell them for 500 rupees, which the men club together to raise. Rangi and the curator then split the money before putting two more fake rubies in the statue's eyes.
- DirectorGraeme MuirStarsMichael BatesWindsor DaviesMelvyn HayesSolly has left the company and returned to Blighty. Both the Colonel and the Captain are in hospital so Williams is in charge and, mean-spirited as ever, wants to send the boys 'up jungle'. However, Rangi hears this and tells the Colonel, who again puts his foot down. The Supremo, a Very Important Person, will be visiting and the Colonel wants the party to put on a show for him. The company are happy to oblige but 'Gloria' sprains his ankle during rehearsals, meaning that Williams must replace him as the star drag act.
- DirectorGraeme MuirStarsMichael BatesWindsor DaviesMelvyn HayesAs it is rumored that one of the sons of the Maharajah of Bharatpah is planning to murder his father, the concert party are sent to the Maharajah's palace to protect him. It is decided that 'Lofty' the shortest but tubbiest member of the group, will jump out in front of the Maharajah to save him from attack. He does this several times but each is a false scare. Meanwhile the Maharajah thrashes Williams at snooker by cheating.
- DirectorGraeme MuirStarsMichael BatesWindsor DaviesMelvyn HayesThe false alarms continue. An apparent gun is made of chocolate. Then the men are aware of the dynamite in a pit underneath the maharajah's bedroom and Lofty is sent down to get rid of it. Unfortunately he gets stuck and nearly triggers it off, so that Williams has to go down and rescue him. The maharajah explains that the dynamite is there to blow a hole in order to build a swimming pool. And why do the men believe he will be killed by one of his seven sons when he only has five? That is because they are guarding the wrong maharajah. It's the one who lives across the road whom they should have helped. But it's too late - as they see his palace get blown sky high.
- DirectorGraeme MuirStarsMichael BatesWindsor DaviesMelvyn HayesWhilst in Bombay, Williams meets Sharp, another company sergeant-major and brags to him that his men are tough crack shots. Unfortunately for Williams Sharp decides to visit the camp to review the company. Williams panics but help is at hand. The men have been learning the Indian rope trick, which involves hypnosis, and Sharp is hypnotized into believing they are a tough fighting force.