Valentine's Day
Please note that many of these films are tragedies or extreme violence. This is largely a joke list.
(I added US ratings, but I made up PG+. Feel free to ask me about any content concerns on Threads.)
(I added US ratings, but I made up PG+. Feel free to ask me about any content concerns on Threads.)
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- DirectorDavid LynchStarsIsabella RosselliniKyle MacLachlanDennis HopperThe discovery of a severed human ear found in a field leads a young man on an investigation related to a beautiful, mysterious nightclub singer and a group of psychopathic criminals who have kidnapped her child.R
- DirectorDavid LynchStarsNicolas CageLaura DernWillem DafoeYoung lovers Sailor and Lula run from the variety of weirdos that Lula's mom has hired to kill Sailor.R
- DirectorNagisa ÔshimaStarsTatsuya FujiEiko MatsudaAoi NakajimaA passionate telling of the story of Sada Abe, a woman whose affair with her master led to an obsessive and ultimately destructive sexual relationship.R
- DirectorBrian De PalmaStarsPaul WilliamsWilliam FinleyJessica HarperA disfigured composer sells his soul for the woman he loves so that she will perform his music. However, an evil record tycoon betrays him and steals his music to open his rock palace, The Paradise.PG-13
- DirectorJames WhaleStarsBoris KarloffElsa LanchesterColin CliveMary Shelley reveals the main characters of her novel survived: Baron Henry Frankenstein, goaded by an even madder scientist, builds his monster a mate.PG
- CreatorDavid LevyStarsJohn AstinCarolyn JonesJackie CooganThe misadventures of a blissfully macabre but extremely loving family.TV-G/Not Rated
- DirectorGeorge MillerStarsJack NicholsonCherSusan SarandonThree single women in a picturesque village have their wishes granted, at a cost, when a mysterious and flamboyant man arrives in their lives.PG-13
- DirectorJames SignorelliStarsCassandra PetersonPhil RubensteinLarry Flash Jenkins"Elvira: Mistress of the Dark" is a 1988 comedy, horror movie - upon arriving in a small town where Elvira has inherited a rundown mansion, the famous horror host must battle an evil uncle, and townspeople who want her burned at the stake.PG-13
- DirectorTomas AlfredsonStarsKåre HedebrantLina LeanderssonPer RagnarOskar, an overlooked and bullied boy, finds love and revenge through Eli, a beautiful but peculiar girl.R
- DirectorFrank HenenlotterStarsCharlee DanielsonAnthony SneedMark WilsonDriven by biological excess, a man and a woman search for sexual fulfillment, unaware of each other's existence. Unfortunately, they eventually meet, and the bonding of these two very unusual human beings ends in a god awful love story.R
This is a really stupid movie. - DirectorSteve BarnettStarsBruce CampbellAngus ScrimmMarta MartinIn post-apocalyptic 2037, Judy rebels against the AI-ruled utopia where people live in a happy VR simulation. She's exiled to a post-nuclear wasteland where she meets drifter Stover. Mutated cannibals capture them for their leader Seer.R
- DirectorDaniel KwanDaniel ScheinertStarsPaul DanoDaniel RadcliffeMary Elizabeth WinsteadA hopeless man stranded on a deserted island befriends a dead body, and together they go on a surreal journey to get home.R
- DirectorWillard HuyckStarsLea ThompsonJeffrey JonesTim RobbinsA sarcastic humanoid duck is pulled from his homeworld to Earth where he must stop an alien invasion with the help of a nerdy scientist and a struggling female rock singer.PG+
- DirectorBernard RoseStarsVirginia MadsenXander BerkeleyTony ToddThe Candyman, a murderous soul with a hook for a hand, is accidentally summoned to reality by a skeptic grad student researching the monster's myth.R
- DirectorRonny YuStarsJennifer TillyBrad DourifKatherine HeiglChucky, the doll possessed by a serial killer, discovers the perfect mate to kill and revive into the body of another doll.R
- CreatorNeil GaimanStarsDavid TennantMichael SheenMiranda RichardsonThe End of the World is coming, which means a fussy Angel and a loose-living Demon who've become overly fond of life on Earth are forced to form an unlikely alliance to stop Armageddon.TV-MA
- DirectorTony RandelStarsDoug BradleyAshley LaurenceClare HigginsKirsty is brought to an institution after the horrible events of Hellraiser (1987), where the occult-obsessive head doctor resurrects Julia and unleashes the Cenobites and their demonic underworld.R
- DirectorRandal KleiserStarsPaul ReubensPenelope Ann MillerKris KristoffersonPee-wee Herman is now a small-town farmer with a fiancée, but when a traveling circus comes to town, he finds himself falling for the trapeze artist.PG+
- DirectorKirsten LeporeStarsGarrett DavisThe story is about 50 shapes of you drawn by cute nutty human being that stares directly into your soul.PG
- DirectorStewart RaffillStarsDenise RichardsTheo ForsettPaul WalkerAn evil scientist implants the brain of murdered high-school student Michael into a Tyrannosaurus. He escapes, wreaks vengeance on his high-school tormentors, and reunites with his sweetheart Tammy.Uncut version: R
- DirectorChuck JonesStarsBea BenaderetMel BlancA bulldog, charmed by a kitten, tries to keep her hidden from his human guardian.G
- StarsCatherine BachMatthew SweetGeorge LoweIt's mating season on Zorak's home planet. Despite the rather unpleasant role the male plays in the mantis love ritual, Zorak gives in to that most common of insect impulses and returns home.TV-14
- 1986–199130mTV-PG7.5 (41)TV EpisodeDirectorStephen R. JohnsonStarsJohann CarloGregory HarrisonRic HeitzmanMiss Yvonne invites Cowboy Curtis on a date. But Curtis doesn't know how to act on a date, so Pee-wee and Cowntess help him prepare.G
- DirectorJohn ParagonPaul ReubensStarsPaul ReubensLaurence FishburneSandra BernhardPee-wee leaves Mrs. Rene to house-sit the Playhouse while he goes camping with Cowboy Curtis. They ride horses, roast wieners and sleep under the stars. Pee-wee thinks Curtis is lucky to be a cowboy! Secret Word: SHOWG
- DirectorAllan ArkushStarsAndy KaufmanBernadette PetersRandy QuaidTwo household robots run away and try to start a family.PG
- DirectorRob ReinerStarsJames CaanKathy BatesRichard FarnsworthAfter a famous author is rescued from a car crash by a fan of his novels, he comes to realize that the care he is receiving is only the beginning of a nightmare of captivity and abuse.R
- DirectorDavid CronenbergStarsPaul HamptonJoe SilverLynn LowryThe residents of a suburban high-rise apartment building are being infected by a strain of parasites that turn them into mindless, sex-crazed fiends out to infect others by the slightest sexual contact.R
- DirectorLucky McKeeStarsAngela BettisJeremy SistoAnna FarisA socially awkward veterinary assistant with a lazy eye and obsession with perfection descends into depravity after developing a crush on a boy with perfect hands.R
I haven't seen this yet. - DirectorBuzz KulikStarsScott JacobyPippa ScottJohn LarchA perverted teenage boy who lives in the walls of a house finds the house sold to a family after his mother dies, then he falls for one of the new residents.Unrated
I haven't seen this yet. - DirectorAnna BillerStarsSamantha RobinsonJeffrey Vincent PariseLaura WaddellA modern-day witch uses spells and magic to get men to fall in love with her, with deadly consequences.Unrated
I haven't seen this yet. - DirectorGorman BechardStarsCarmine CapobiancoPatti ChambersCarla BragoliA strip-joint owner and a manicurist find that they have many things in common, the foremost being that they are psychotic serial killers. They fall in love and are happy being the family that slays together, until one day they come up against a plumber who also happens to be a cannibal.R
I haven't seen this yet. - DirectorTom SternAlex WinterStarsBrooke ShieldsWilliam SadlerEduardo RicardA vain actor, his best friend, and an activist end up at a mutant freak farm run by a weirdo scientist.
- DirectorTakashi MiikeStarsRyo IshibashiEihi ShiinaTetsu SawakiA widower takes an offer to screen girls at a special audition, arranged for him by a friend to find him a new wife. The one he fancies is not who she appears to be after all.
- DirectorMichele SoaviStarsRupert EverettFrançois Hadji-LazaroAnna FalchiA cemetery man must kill the dead a second time when they become zombies.
- DirectorJoe D'AmatoStarsKieran CanterCinzia MonrealeFranca StoppiA disturbed young taxidermist exhumes his recently deceased girlfriend, brings her body to his family villa and proceeds to embalm her corpse, with help from his strange housekeeper. But his bouts of insanity are just beginning.
- DirectorBrian YuznaStarsJ. Trevor EdmondMelinda ClarkeKent McCordHaving recently witnessed the horrific results of a top secret project to bring the dead back to life, a distraught youth performs the operation on his girlfriend after she's killed in a motorcycle accident.
- DirectorSean ByrneStarsXavier SamuelRobin McLeavyJohn BrumptonWhen Brent turns down his classmate Lola's invitation to the prom, she concocts a wildly violent plan for revenge.
- DirectorAlexandre AjaStarsCécile de FranceMaïwennPhilippe NahonBest friends Marie and Alexia decide to spend a quiet weekend at Alexia's parents' secluded farmhouse. But on the night of their arrival, the girls' idyllic getaway turns into an endless night of horror.
- DirectorYûdai YamaguchiJun'ichi YamamotoStarsIssei TakahashiAoba KawaiKenichi KawasakiFull-throttle splatter-ific Japanese cyberpunk science fiction/horror at its most aggressive, this mind-blower about alien parasites that turn their human hosts into slave "Necroborgs" will leave you dizzy and drained - in a good way.
- DirectorBrian YuznaStarsJeffrey CombsBruce AbbottClaude Earl JonesDoctors Herbert West and Dan Cain discover the secret to creating human life and proceed to create a perfect woman from dead tissue.
- DirectorPedro AlmodóvarStarsAntonio BanderasElena AnayaJan CornetA brilliant plastic surgeon, haunted by past tragedies, creates a type of synthetic skin that withstands any kind of damage. His guinea pig: a mysterious and volatile woman who holds the key to his obsession.
- DirectorLars von TrierStarsWillem DafoeCharlotte GainsbourgStorm Acheche SahlstrømA grieving couple retreat to their cabin in the woods, hoping to repair their broken hearts and troubled marriage, but nature takes its course and things go from bad to worse.
- DirectorIngmar BergmanStarsMax von SydowLiv UllmannGertrud FridhWhile vacationing on a remote German island with his younger pregnant wife, an artist has an emotional breakdown while confronting his repressed desires.
- DirectorCurtis HarringtonStarsDennis HopperLinda LawsonGavin MuirA young sailor is attracted to a mysterious mermaid performing at a carnival, but soon suspects that the girl is actually a siren who draws men to their watery deaths during the full moon.
- DirectorJoachim TrierStarsEili HarboeKaya WilkinsHenrik RafaelsenA confused religious girl tries to deny her feelings for a female friend who's in love with her. This causes her suppressed subconsciously-controlled psychokinetic powers to reemerge with devastating results.
- DirectorRichard AttenboroughStarsAnthony HopkinsAnn-MargretBurgess MeredithA ventriloquist is at the mercy of his vicious dummy while he tries to renew a romance with his high school sweetheart.
- DirectorJames WatkinsStarsKelly ReillyMichael FassbenderTara EllisRefusing to let anything spoil their romantic weekend break, a young couple confront a gang of loutish youths with terrifyingly brutal consequences.
- DirectorKôji ShiraishiStarsKotoha HiroyamaHiroaki KawatsureShigeo ÔsakoA doctor kidnaps a young couple and forces them into a game of torment that slowly extinguishes their hopes for survival.
- DirectorRobert ParigiStarsDesmond HarringtonMelissa SagemillerUdo KierKenneth is a socially awkward office worker who has little experience with romance. He buys a life-like sex doll in an attempt to rid him of his loneliness, but soon finds there may be a dark side to 'Nikki'.
- DirectorJordan PeeleStarsDaniel KaluuyaAllison WilliamsBradley WhitfordA young African-American visits his white girlfriend's parents for the weekend, where his simmering uneasiness about their reception of him eventually reaches a boiling point.
- DirectorBen YoungStarsEmma BoothAshleigh CummingsStephen CurryVicki Maloney is randomly abducted from a suburban street by a disturbed couple. As she observes the dynamic between her captors she quickly realises she must drive a wedge between them if she is to survive.
- DirectorJörg ButtgereitStarsBernd Daktari LorenzBeatrice ManowskiHarald LundtA street sweeper who cleans up after grisly accidents brings home a full corpse for him and his wife to enjoy sexually, but is dismayed to see that his wife prefers the corpse over him.
- DirectorKathryn BigelowStarsAdrian PasdarJenny WrightLance HenriksenA small-town farmer's son reluctantly joins a traveling group of vampires after he is bitten by a beautiful drifter.
- DirectorJonathan DemmeStarsJodie FosterAnthony HopkinsScott GlennA young F.B.I. cadet must receive the help of an incarcerated and manipulative cannibal killer to help catch another serial killer, a madman who skins his victims.
- DirectorStelvio MassiStarsTinì CansinoValentina ViscontiFrancesco CasaleArabella is a nymphomaniac. One day, her writer husband finds her with another man. She has a strange reaction: Arabella kills her lover.
- DirectorLars von TrierStarsEmily WatsonStellan SkarsgårdKatrin CartlidgeOilman Jan is paralyzed in an accident. His wife, who prayed for his return, feels guilty; even more, when Jan urges her to have sex with another.
- DirectorRichie MooreStarsRussell Geoffrey BanksSara Malakul LaneMargaret RocheOliver aimlessly wanders the streets on what can only be described as a truly shocking and humiliating killing spree. His only savior is the beautiful Sophia with her sweet eccentricity and naivety to the danger she has put herself in.
- DirectorGrigoriy DobryginStarsWillem DafoeWithout a doubt, Willem Dafoe really likes his gappy teeth.
- DirectorJames GunnStarsRainn WilsonElliot PageLiv TylerAfter his wife falls under the influence of a drug dealer, an everyday guy transforms himself into Crimson Bolt, a superhero with the best intentions, but lacking in heroic skills.
- DirectorMerian C. CooperErnest B. SchoedsackStarsFay WrayRobert ArmstrongBruce CabotA film crew goes to a tropical island for a location shoot, where they capture a colossal ape who takes a shine to their blonde starlet, and bring him back to New York City.
- DirectorJack ArnoldStarsRichard CarlsonJulie AdamsRichard DenningA strange prehistoric beast lurks in the depths of the Amazonian jungle. A group of scientists try to capture the animal and bring it back to civilization for study.
- DirectorDavid LynchStarsNaomi WattsLaura HarringJustin TherouxAfter a car wreck on Mulholland Drive renders a woman amnesiac, she and a Hollywood-hopeful search for clues and answers across Los Angeles in a twisting venture beyond dreams and reality.
- DirectorClaire DenisStarsVincent GalloTricia VesseyBéatrice DalleTwo American newlyweds in Paris experience a love so strong, it almost devours them.
- DirectorRyûichi HirokiStarsMami NakamuraKazuma SuzukiKô ShibasakiHaving a crush on someone, including a neighbour, may not be considered unusual, but there is a line that is crossed when the infatuation includes going through the loved one's trash. Miyuki has crossed the line and cannot stop herself. Her reality, at least, allows her to be more understanding and available when a stalker, in turn, craves her.
- DirectorDavid LynchStarsRichard FarnsworthSissy SpacekJane Galloway HeitzAn old man makes a long journey by lawnmower to mend his relationship with an ill brother.
- DirectorAkihiko ShiotaStarsKenji MizuhashiTsugumiKôta KusanoTwo seemingly innocent school kids are obsessed in fetishistic s&m games.
- DirectorWisit SasanatiengStarsChartchai NgamsanStella MalucchiSupakorn KitsuwonWith its loud acting style, exuberant sets and stunning shots in pastel colours, this Thai cult film is as much a parody as an homage to the Western and the romantic tearjerker.
- DirectorÁlex de la IglesiaStarsRosie PerezJavier BardemHarley CrossA psychotic criminal couple kidnaps a random teenage couple. The woman rapes the male captive, and lets him watch his lover being raped by the man. They then plan to sacrifice the couple.
- DirectorAlberto SciammaStarsMelinda ClarkeJason DurrMapi GalánThis horror story involves a woman hiding out with four pastel colored poodles in a desert gas station with the loot from a heist while her boy friend does prison time. A meteorite crashes near the station transforming the woman into an alien being with a gigantic voracious tongue and her poodles are transformed into four drag queens. The whole thing grows even weirder as her boy friend escapes from prison and also encounters the meteorite, as does a mute Nun who is converted into a sexy drum majorette. Pursued by the prison officials who are after him, the whole group eventually come into conflict.
- DirectorDavid CronenbergStarsJames SpaderHolly HunterElias KoteasAfter getting into a serious car accident, a TV director discovers an underground sub-culture of scarred, omnisexual car-crash victims who use car accidents and the raw sexual energy they produce to try to rejuvenate his sex life with his wife.
- DirectorLloyd KaufmanStarsJane JensenWill KeenanValentine MieleTromeo, a filmmaker, falls in love with Juliet, the daughter of a former partner who tried to steal his business from him.
- DirectorKang Je-kyuStarsHan Suk-kyuShim Hye-jinJin Hee-kyungSu-Hyun, a 30-year-old art lecturer and his girlfriend, Sun-Young have lived a peaceful life until he comes across an antique wooden bed made from gingko tree and gets pursued by the ghost of General Hwang. Resurrected General Hwang roves modern Seoul ripping the hearts out of people to maintain human form. Su-Hyun does not know why General Hwang seeks to kill him but soon finds out that in their previous lives they were enemies. More than a thousand years ago, court musician Su-Hyun fell in love with princess Midan, who was General Hwang's fiancé. Princess and the court musician's elopement ends in tragedy when Hwang abducts Midan and kills Su-Hyun. On this mournful scene arise a pair of gingko trees housing the souls of Midan and Su-Hyun. General Hwang destroys one of the trees and the other tree embodying Midan's soul gets crafted into a bed. Confined in the bed for a thousand years, Midan longs to meet her beloved court musician, reincarnated as Su-Hyun. Discovering the heartbreaking love story in his past life leads Su-Hyun to confront with General Hwang, who still desires Midan. Su-Hyun and Midan's short reunion was impeded by General Hwang's bursting on the scene. Now, Midan chooses to be locked up in the bed, to run away from Hwang despite it being in flame. Midan and Su-Hyun may have to wait another thousand years to meet again but they're convinced that their love for each other will never die.
- DirectorJon KrollStarsNicole EggertJohn DiehlMichael DornA young Bohemian female artist falls in love with a nubile human-eating alien and teaches him how to be more human. However, government agents are on his trail.
- DirectorHoward ZieffStarsAnna ChlumskyMacaulay CulkinDan AykroydVada is obsessed with death. Her mother is dead, and her father runs a funeral parlor. When Vada's father hires Shelly, a makeup expert, and begins to fall in love, Vada is outraged and does everything in her power to split them up.
- DirectorNikos NikolaidisStarsMeredyth HeroldPanos ThanassoulisMichele ValleyA man searching for his long-lost lover is kidnapped by her killers, an insane, mother-daughter duo, and they force him to commit various sexual atrocities with them.
- DirectorAnthony MinghellaStarsJuliet StevensonAlan RickmanJenny HoweA woman dealing with inconsolable grief over the death of her partner gets another chance when he returns to earth as a ghost.
- DirectorAllan A. GoldsteinStarsScott AndersenR. Nelson BrownNorman BrowningAs a part of a special government reform program, inmate J.T. Blake has to take care of Johnny Reynolds who has cerebral palsy. In the meantime, another inmate wants to take care of J.T. Blake forever.
- DirectorJoel SchumacherStarsJulia RobertsCampbell ScottVincent D'OnofrioA caregiver falls in love with a terminally ill man.
- DirectorKurt VossStarsBrad DourifSammi DavisMichael HarrisBud is a strange loner who works in a liquor store by day and is addicted to betting on the horses at night. He lives in a low-rent building in an even lower-rent section of town, and one day a couple, who appear to be brother and sister, move into Bud's building. Soon the sister begins to try to seduce Bud, but not for the reasons one would expect, as she and her "brother" aren't what they appear to be--but neither is Bud.
- DirectorPeter GreenawayStarsRichard BohringerMichael GambonHelen MirrenAt Le Hollandais gourmet restaurant, every night is filled with opulence, decadence and gluttony. But when the cook, a thief, his wife and her lover all come together, they unleash a shocking torrent of sex, food, murder and revenge.
- DirectorBrian YuznaStarsBilly WarlockConcetta D'AgneseBen SlackAn ordinary teenage boy discovers his family is part of a gruesome orgy cult for the social elite.
- DirectorAlejandro JodorowskyStarsAxel JodorowskyBlanca GuerraGuy StockwellA former circus artist escapes from a mental hospital to rejoin his armless mother - the leader of a strange religious cult - and is forced to enact brutal murders in her name as he becomes "her arms".
- DirectorRobert BiermanStarsNicolas CageMaria Conchita AlonsoJennifer BealsAfter an encounter with a neck-biter, a publishing executive thinks that he's turning into a vampire.
- DirectorJulien TempleStarsGeena DavisJeff GoldblumJim CarreyA Southern California girl befriends three furry aliens after their spaceship lands in her swimming pool.
- DirectorHideshi HinoStarsShigeru SaikiMari SomeiMasami HisamotoAn artist rescues a mermaid in a sewer who develops bleeding sores all over her body, paints a portrait with her oozes and eventually disjoints her.
- DirectorMark GoldblattStarsTreat WilliamsJoe PiscopoLindsay FrostA cop is killed investigating a strange case of resurrected corpses. His partner and a pathologist resurrect him, but he only has a limited time before he starts to decompose, and he uses it to chase down the diabolical man who killed him.
- DirectorFrank HenenlotterStarsRick HearstGordon MacDonaldJennifer LowryOne morning, a young man wakes to find that a small, disgusting creature has attached itself to the base of his brain stem. The creature gives him a euphoric state of happiness but demands human victims in return.
- DirectorMichael GottliebStarsAndrew McCarthyKim CattrallEstelle GettyA young artist, searching for his vocation, makes a mannequin so perfect he falls in love with it. Finding the mannequin in a store window, he gets a job there and his creation comes to life.
- DirectorGeorge PavlouStarsDavid DukesKelly PiperHugh O'ConorAn ancient creature called Rawhead is awakened from its slumber near an Irish village and goes on a rampage killing anyone in sight.
- DirectorLance LindsayStarsC. Juston CampbellFaye BoltJohn W. SmithCrew members aboard a space ship encounter an alien life form intent on killing them.
- DirectorJohn PoloniaMark PoloniaTodd Michael SmithStarsJohn PoloniaMark PoloniaTodd Michael SmithThree brothers (one who is slow and another who is adopted) have disturbing and violent hallucinations while their mother is at work.
- DirectorJack SholderStarsRobert EnglundMark PattonKim MyersA teenage boy is haunted in his dreams by deceased child murderer Freddy Krueger, who is out to possess him in order to continue his reign of terror in the real world.
- DirectorHideshi HinoStarsHiroshi TamuraKirara YûgaoAnja BlagojevicLate at night, a woman is kidnapped by an unknown assailant and taken back to his blood-spattered dungeon, where he turns her into a "flower of blood and flesh" through a series of dismemberment and evisceration.
- DirectorPhilippe MoraStarsChristopher LeeAnnie McEnroeReb BrownA man discovers that his sister was a werewolf, and helps an investigator track down a gang of the monsters through the United States and eastern Europe.
- DirectorDavid IrvingStarsBrian RobbinsBill CalvertTricia Leigh FisherA military experiment to create a race of super-warriors go awry, and legions of murderous zombies are unleased upon a surburan neighborhood.
- DirectorDonald CammellStarsJulie ChristieFritz WeaverGerrit GrahamA scientist creates Proteus--an organic super computer with artificial intelligence which becomes obsessed with human beings, and in particular the creator's wife.
- DirectorRoger CormanStarsVincent PriceBarbara SteeleJohn KerrIn the sixteenth century, Francis Barnard travels to Spain to clarify the strange circumstances of his sister's death after she had married the son of a cruel Spanish Inquisitor.
- DirectorZelda WilliamsStarsKathryn NewtonLiza SoberanoJenna DavisA coming of RAGE love story about a teenager and her crush, who happens to be a corpse. After a set of horrific circumstances bring him back to life, the two embark on a journey to find love, happiness - and a few missing body parts.