The Not Quite Halloween Horror List of 2023
A new year, a new Halloween. Only, these didn't quite make it yet. To explain their rating a bit, if a movie is so bad that its on the verge of being painful, it would fall somewhere within the 1-3 range. The 4-6 range is for movies that are not good but still watchable to good movies that have left little long lasting impression. 7-10 are movies I enjoyed to love.
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- DirectorBrian De PalmaStarsMargot KidderJennifer SaltCharles DurningA small-time reporter tries to convince the police she saw a murder in the apartment across from hers.De Palma had an idea. This movie starts off really strong, the murder that starts everything comes as a massive shock and a tremendous injustice simply because, though we know him for such a short period of time, he is a genuinely likeable character. The music is top notch and the social commentary feels natural. The movie is enthralling as we start to learn how unhinged the killer and her accomplice are until, unfortunately, it just isn't anymore. Maybe there is too much of an explanation too early, but after a while, all the intrigue starts to wain and the plot begins to grow predictable yet overly convoluted. The ending doesn't even feel necessary as it seems to allude to things that are never going to happen. The first hour carries the movie to the goal line only for the last 33 minutes to fumble just shy of a touchdown.
- DirectorDavid CronenbergStarsChristopher WalkenBrooke AdamsTom SkerrittA man awakens from a coma to discover he has a psychic ability to foresee future events.I'm a bit in awe of this movie's positive reception as I found it heavily disjointed. The acting is great. Christopher Walken can be hokey but he delivers as Johnny and Martin Sheen is among the best chickenshit heels ever put on the big screen. The serial killer story line caught my attention when they first brought it up, but then they resolved it in the next breath. And then it became a bad political drama. I reiterate, Martin Sheen kills it as the politician running for the US senate, but the actual story seemed so unrelated it may as well have been a whole other movie. Which I would have preferred, more time for the drama of the serial killer story and then more of evil politician Martin Sheen. This had promise but is too condensed to be an hour and forty three minute movie.
- DirectorJulia DucournauStarsGarance MarillierElla RumpfRabah Nait OufellaA young woman, studying to be a vet, develops a craving for human flesh.I can't say I am a fan of this. I hate watching people eat. And in the first five minutes this movie I knew I was gonna have a hard time. Its not an incompetent movie. There is a great deal of artistry in the cinematography, though it may be too artsy to take the plot seriously. With the amount of shenanigans that the girls get into, there never seems to be any repercussions until the movie finally decides there needs to be. Its a movie with an audience in mind, but if you ain't in it you won't get anything out of it.
- DirectorClaire DenisStarsVincent GalloTricia VesseyBéatrice DalleTwo American newlyweds in Paris experience a love so strong, it almost devours them.I hate this more. I received a poster as a gift of the top 100 horror movies to which this was included. Why this is on it I cannot fathom. Its a fairly nonsensical movie that focuses heavily on its sexuality to satisfy horror fans. But it feels like nothing is ever happening. Its a film where nothing feels like its going anywhere. The griminess of the cinematography doesn't do anything but make the movie feel cheaper and the kill scenes are not enough to make you want to keep watching. Its the kind of movie where some of the more pretentious people will swear there is more to it but it is not worth testing their claims.
- DirectorKathryn BigelowStarsAdrian PasdarJenny WrightLance HenriksenA small-town farmer's son reluctantly joins a traveling group of vampires after he is bitten by a beautiful drifter.A movie I saw in parts but never in its entirety, its hard not to compare it to its contemporary vampire movies Fright night and The Lost Boys. The verdict, they're all very good. While I am a bigger fan of Fright Night, Near Dark has a more interesting genre mix that works pretty well. The Western and biker esthetics make the movie stand out more and the powerhouse line up of actors really put the movie over the top. But there are some conveniences similar to that of The Lost Boys, a cure for vampirism that feels a bit too easy once you stop and think about it. While The Lost Boys makes it a more dangerous procedure, killing the head vampire, Near Dark only required a far more mundane blood transfusion. But that is just a nitpick, the end result is a very well made modern vampire movie that is guaranteed to entertain.
- DirectorMark RobsonStarsKim HunterTom ConwayJean BrooksA woman in search of her missing sister uncovers a Satanic cult in New York's Greenwich Village and finds that they could have something to do with her sibling's random disappearance.This may be Val Lewton's sharpest produced movie but its not exactly his best. The ending is where the movie shines as its such a brutal nihilism that is well built up to. The rest of the movie is meandering however. The movie starts with the main girl's sister looking for her, but once they find her she kind of just falls out of the story which makes the first half feel like a waste. Her absence also ruined my enjoyment for a lot of the latter part of the movie as I was to busy wondering what happened to her. Its not by any means terrible, but of Val Lewton's excellent horror filmography, it might be the one I liked the least.
- DirectorTeruo IshiiStarsMeiko KajiHoki TokudaMakoto SatôThe head of a yakuza gang is being trailed by a mysterious, vengeful blind woman.I never expected to see as many dirty rear ends in a movie and still be pleased with it. This is a strange fusion of horror and crime film that leans a bit more to the latter but is still a pleasant watch. There aren't so much tense scenes of terror or menace in this honor among thieves story but still some foreboding. The cat serves as a constant reminder of death that is not lost on the lead who believes that she is going to die and does have some good scenes where it laps up blood. This was the third in a trilogy of yakuza films but it does well to fill you in on key people without dragging the plot down for people like myself just jumping in. And the comedy like the smelly gangster in the loincloth isn't half bad. I got a good chuckle seeing his butt cheeks quiver at being complemented by a woman. While its ties as a horror film are tenuous, this may be a good movie for anyone interested in yakuza films.
- DirectorChristophe GansStarsSamuel Le BihanMark DacascosJérémie RenierIn 18th-century France, the Chevalier de Fronsac and his Native American friend Mani are sent to the Gevaudan province at the king's behest to investigate the killings of hundreds by a mysterious beast.I really liked a lot about this movie. The costumes, the scenery, the camera work, the practical effects, there is a lot that needs to be recognized. But I can't say that it is a great movie. The CGI hasn't aged well, which is a shame as the Hensen Company did such great work on the practical effects. But what is a bigger problem is the pacing. I was ready for it to end an hour in. And the movie primed me for the ending an hour in. And then I discovered there was still an hour to go and they had more story to flesh out. And by the time they finally do wrap it up, all the emotion that they had built at the halfway point is lost. The final battle was underwhelming not because the pan never heated up but because they let the iron cool. Had they worked that last hour better, moved the sacrificial lamb scene later and gave the exposition dump before it, this movie would have been an instant must see. Now, its just a good movie.
- DirectorGerard JohnstoneStarsAllison WilliamsViolet McGrawRonny ChiengA robotics engineer at a toy company builds a life-like doll that begins to take on a life of its own.A killer doll movie that is better than Chucky. No, not that Chucky, the other one. The movie's acting and writing is pretty top notch. The movie has its emotional scenes, its tense scenes, and its unfunny scenes that I will go into later. I was especially impressed with M3GAN's physical actress who really sold being an android well. She teeters on the uncanny valley of being realistic but not quite human very well. But then there is the comedy. LOL, so random moments galore devoid of any reason but to subvert your expectations and rip all the tension out of the movie. And the kill count is pitiful, especially when they spare characters that should have died to appease audiences that would feel something otherwise. Also, I did come to notice that for a child who lost both her parents, we only see the mother's death as someone who is apparently completely unrelated to either of them, a complete stranger to the little girl, gets into a horrific fatal car accident. I guess her father died before she was born as she has no memories of him. I can't say its as good as a lot of people found it, but its decent. You can still do a lot worse.
- DirectorZach CreggerStarsGeorgina CampbellBill SkarsgårdJustin LongA woman staying at an Airbnb discovers that the house she has rented is not what it seems.This is two movies combined in one. The first is a slightly flawed but good enough psychological thriller with a creepy nice guy and a questionably street smart young woman. The other is a rather forgettable creature feature that doesn't go far enough. Keith is easily the best part of the movie. He seems fake, like his niceness is all an act. Even when its confirmed he is a good guy, there is something about him like you want to keep an eye on him. AJ on the other hand is the other extreme. He is a character that required ambiguity. If the audience wasn't sure if the charges about him were true, his actions at the end of the movie would have far more impact. But they don't and he is exactly as he looks which proves massively disappointing. The creature does its best but there is a lot of cartoon logic that hinders it from being too fantastic. And its history, if they were going to explore it they needed to go a lot further than they did. I mean you would have to see some real messed up stuff to really sell it. Just like the movie, I feel I need to split this movie down the middle.
- DirectorWillard HuyckGloria KatzStarsMichael GreerMarianna HillJoy BangA young woman goes searching for her missing artist father. Her journey takes her to a strange Californian seaside town governed by a mysterious undead cult.It is astounding this movie is so well renown with amazing scenes all the while using the worst cast of actors to ever fall off a turnip truck. Marianna Hill is alright and Michael Greer wasn't terrible either, but the rest of the cast can not pull off a death scene if you put a gun to their head. Getting ripped apart by crazed undead cultists has the same weight as being mildly miffed someone ate the last slice of banana bread. But the movie is still very good. A lot of it has to do with the extras, none of whom are actors nor do they try to act, but have an undeniable creepiness with how they show no emotion. The scene in the theater exemplifies this the best, as one by one they start to fill the seats and just sit there, not quite watching the movie but staring blankly ahead with dead eyes and no expression. They are legitimately frightening in spite of the simplicity of their makeup. This was a very good outing that was unfortunately tied down with a couple lead weights around its neck.
- DirectorDavid CronenbergStarsOliver ReedSamantha EggarArt HindleA man tries to uncover an unconventional psychologist's therapy techniques on his institutionalized wife, amidst a series of brutal murders.I can't say this is my favorite Cronenberg film, long live the new flesh, but there is some real good stuff here. Talking to lawyers, there are no good people in family court and this movie well represents the anger, hatred, and even the malice that goes on between these two people that supposedly once loved each other. In the end, it isn't even about the child anymore, its just the desire to hurt the other in the end. This is the pain that Cronenberg felt and he represents it very well. The creature effects are simple and sweet, often the monsters are shot to hide them as children but when you do see their malformed face it remains fresh because of their long absences. And the birth scene at the end, its so primal and uncivilized that it encapsulates the raw emotions going on. its well worth the watch.
- DirectorJuan López MoctezumaStarsClaudio BrookDavid SilvaTina RomeroAfter the death of her parents, a young girl arrives at a convent and brings a sinister presence with her. Is it her enigmatic imaginary friend, Alucarda, who is to blame? Or is there a satanic force at work?Forget acting for the people in the back, this is for the people in the neighboring county. Alucarda feels like it was made for the stage. The sets are really interesting but still rather sparse. The church is a big mass of crucifixes and candles, and not much else. Furthermore, the acting is as extravagant as the WWE. A lot of yelling, a lot of emoting, very little sense. This is entertaining enough, but there are still some standout moments. Alucarda can really fold herself up. Arching her back like the cover of that exorcism movie and its sequel, she does a decent amount of leg work to make the movie as good as it is. It has moments where it underwhelms, one girl dies of little more than paper cuts, at times the characters are a little too manic, but the end result still manages to be very good.
- DirectorAndrzej ZulawskiStarsIsabelle AdjaniSam NeillMargit CarstensenA woman starts exhibiting increasingly disturbing behavior after asking her husband for a divorce. Suspicions of infidelity soon give way to something much more sinister.This was an amazing watch just to see the cast work their asses off, and then it takes a turn and becomes even better. The censors did this movie dirty, even at its two hour run time there is nothing here to cut away. The creature effects are superb, its a horrendous to look at sex demon that never looks cheap. And the atmosphere of a crumbling relationship on the verge of total mutual destruction ties in perfectly with the divided Germany of the cold war. There are so many layers to the film, explaining it with any depth would be a treatise in itself. Get Shudder and watch this movie, it deserves it.
- DirectorKyle Edward BallStarsLucas PaulDali Rose TetreaultRoss PaulTwo children wake up in the middle of the night to find their father is missing, and all the windows and doors in their home have vanished.A controversial movie to the say the least, its certainly not for everyone. Its told in the manner of analogue horror, much of it is footage of the furniture if not a wall. Or shadow. And the dialogue is sparse, which is good as they are 4 year old children doing the leg work. And that pays off in itself, especially since they are so young I don't want them to see any harm. And it hurts more when it does. But the avantgarde story is going to turn a lot of people off. What little dialogue there is is slow, filling time with long, pregnant pauses that will try the patience of someone not looking for an experimental film. But if you let it, it will draw you in. But there is the question of is it scary. And the answer is kind of. It was made to feed off of past trauma, like being left alone in a dark house at a young age, which means if you have little to feed it the less teeth it has. If you are in the mood for something engaging and meticulous this will be a fine watch but by no mean is it a popcorn flick.
- DirectorElizabeth BanksStarsKeri RussellAlden EhrenreichO'Shea Jackson Jr.An oddball group of cops, criminals, tourists and teens converge on a Georgia forest where a huge black bear goes on a murderous rampage after unintentionally ingesting cocaine.Part of me thought this was going to be the dumbest thing I've ever seen. the other part of me was hoping it was right. But a boy seldom lives up to a father's expectations. It isn't to say this is a good film, its just very safe for its premise. While the drug story and all the characters that make it up are very entertaining, they felt the need for a child rescue plot that generally is a big step down. They just aren't as fun and the children's bits get old pretty fast. The rest of the cast is pretty great though, and the transition from horror to comedy is pretty well balanced. After seeing the bear maul a man to death, the next scene its almost playfully rocking back and forth before going full psycho once again. If they went all in on the drug lord trying to get his lost cargo while the police are on his trail and turned it into a parody of the crime drama, this movie would have been perfect. As it is, its not a movie I need for my collection but one that I would gladly watch.
- DirectorTony ScottStarsCatherine DeneuveDavid BowieSusan SarandonA love triangle develops between a beautiful yet dangerous vampire (Catherine Deneuve), her cellist companion (David Bowie), and a gerontologist (Susan Sarandon).Its a gorgeous movie, that can never be taken away from it. The use of light and silhouettes, practical special effects, and tasteful shots of David Bowie's bum make this a movie you will not forget. But for all the visual excellence, the story does not hold up. A lot of the story feels disjointed, particularly when it gets to the end. Things happen that don't relate to each other nor have any long lasting meaningful impact. They seduction process is inconsistent, with one girl needing to be groomed and another seemingly needing only to be asked. But for artsy movies, you can still find ones far more pretentious and I'd say its pretty good.
- DirectorBill GunnStarsDuane JonesMarlene ClarkBill GunnAfter being stabbed with an ancient, germ-infested knife, a doctor's assistant finds himself with an insatiable desire for blood.This movie is harmed grossly from its technical failings. It has some ideas, the fact that the vampirism is treated almost as an illness is pretty interesting. Problems arise when the cast doesn't really pull it off as well as it should. The leads do well, but its the supporting cast that hurt it. When they are given time to fill, their dialogue comes across as inane drivel or is delivered flatter than a high school student's oral presentation on Of Mice And Men. But its the sound mixing that is the biggest issue. The background music and background conversations are just as loud as the actual dialogue in the script, or even louder. The microphone peaks every time the tribal song plays and it actually hurts after a while to listen to. With how ambitious the movie is, its a shame that its own limitations drag it down so far.
- DirectorLars von TrierStarsWillem DafoeCharlotte GainsbourgStorm Acheche SahlstrømA grieving couple retreat to their cabin in the woods, hoping to repair their broken hearts and troubled marriage, but nature takes its course and things go from bad to worse.As a couple have sex, a child checks out the window. Which is what I want to do after seeing William Dafoe having sex. Jokes aside, this isn't a movie for me. There are some messed up scenes of mutilation that even I cringe at the sight of. And it is depicted in a way to really emphasize it. Seeing her mutilate her genitals sticks with you in a chilling way. But the movie is still very much an arthouse movie. The presentation of this movie can be described as pretentious, breaking the movie into acts that tie into its theme as though they think the audience is too stupid to understand them otherwise. Then there is the use of black and white and classical music takes away from the horror of the kid's death. it makes the scene even more fantastical with the slow motion. Had this movie come out five years later, I am sure A24 would be publishing it, and that can be taken however you wish.
- DirectorJack ClaytonStarsDeborah KerrPeter WyngardeMegs JenkinsA young governess for two children becomes convinced that the house and grounds are haunted.I kind of hate The Turn of the Screw. Its not this movie's fault, that BBC movie I watched a while back really soured me on the story. But there is a lot more to enjoy with this ione. The acting, scenery, costumes, and lighting all come together to paint a beautiful façade for its psychological terror. Then when it needs to, it draws the veil back to reveal the dark underbelly of the opulent mansion with shadow. The movie never feels like it drags but the ghostly effects aren't as effective as they used to be. The gliding platform trick leaves the ghost looking very stiff, unnatural but not threatening. But its not about scaring you, the movie focuses more on putting you in a constant state of unease, not knowing if the ghosts are real or not. Except when they confirm that they are. Its a great old movie for people that are looking for a slow burn, this is the best version of a classic gothic horror story.
- DirectorRoman PolanskiStarsCatherine DeneuveIan HendryJohn FraserA sex-repulsed woman who disapproves of her sister's boyfriend sinks into depression and has horrific visions of rape and violence.I was told this movie was reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock but all I see is why there was no one like Hitchcock. I see what the movie is going for with very simple but effective metaphors, but the artsy way the movie was shot simply doesn't lend itself to the horror genre well. When the camera focuses on the killer, it doesn't look like a murder and more like a weirdo swiping at the camera. She looks clumsy the longer she is on screen and never reaches the effectiveness of Psycho's shower scene. The vagueness of the ending is a nice touch, never quite saying what was the cause of her problems but giving a pretty good hint. But I'm no fan of Roman Polanski in general.
- DirectorRobert SiodmakStarsDorothy McGuireGeorge BrentEthel BarrymoreIn 1916, a shadowy serial killer is targeting women with "afflictions"; one night during a thunderstorm, the mute Helen feels menaced.A classic that may not hit as hard as it used to, but only because its been emulated so many times. I guessed the killer immediately. The moment he was on screen, I just said that's him, everything else is a red herring. That really did hurt my enjoyment of the movie, but its also a testament of how good the motive is that I've seen it so many times. And this is kind of the problem of everything that this movie does well has. When you see the killer's eye or hands and can't quite place him with the cast, this is a staple in Giallo films. Its still good, just not as impactful. Its a great movie for people that are interested in how a lot of these ideas originate though, and a great movie for people that aren't so hardcore into the genre as myself.
- DirectorJulian RoffmanStarsPaul StevensClaudette NevinsBill WalkerA young archaeologist thinks he is cursed by an Aztec mask that makes him have strange nightmares. Before committing suicide, he sends the mask to his psychiatrist, who soon plunges into the mask's nightmarish world.I watched this on the new MST3K and its not the best way. Joel, you're a nice guy but you need to pull the reigns and shut the cast up for five seconds. Not every joke has to be used. This wasn't really that bad a movie though. Not a masterpiece but far from devil Fish or Manos. The skull mask looks a bit overproduced and hokey, but the dream sequences are pretty alright. The setting may not look fancy or expensive, but the costumes and masks are very good. The masks especially are quite effective, making the characters look so otherworldly. They are blended pretty well, making their faces look plastic and pushes them deeper into the uncanny valley to make them unsettling. The eyes are sunken and the expression empty, they look genuinely unsettling. The acting doesn't necessarily stand out but it works well enough. This was a movie I thought I might not be able to track down as its a bit obscure but it was alright.
- DirectorRobin HardyStarsEdward WoodwardChristopher LeeDiane CilentoA puritan police sergeant arrives in a Scottish island village in search of a missing girl, who the pagan locals claim never existed.This movie is interesting as there is no doom or gloom about it. There are no dark shadows or oppressive atmosphere. In fact, it often breaks out into jubilant nursery rhymes and raunhy pub songs. The only thing that causes you to feel unease, is that they simply lie. You know they are lying, the officer knows they are lying, yet they persist with such glee that you want to know what is beneath this joyous facade. Unfortunately, you already know what it is. This movie is a victim of its own popularity and everyone knows how this movie ends even without having watched it. Its a shame, if it were more of a secret this movie would be even better.
- DirectorJohn CarpenterStarsAdrienne BarbeauJamie Lee CurtisJanet LeighAn unearthly fog rolls into a small coastal town exactly 100 years after a ship mysteriously sank in its waters.Blood would have been nice. I am no stranger to this movie, I remember watching the remake many years ago. And it was awful. Finally watching the original, while I can't entirely shake the disappointment of the remake, its is a far better experience. The cast is great, Jamie Lee Curtis and Adrianne Barbeaux are always winners. But it still needs a little something to make it great. The kills are nearly brutal with people getting run through with swords and hooks, but just a little blood really would have made them truly memorable. Dan's spotless white sweater seems a waste.
- DirectorHideo NakataStarsHitomi KurokiRio KannoMirei OguchiA mother and her 6-year-old daughter move into a creepy apartment whose every surface is permeated by water.This movie has a lot of bait but could use a bigger hook. There are some impressive scenes, the wall of water scene especially I'm curious how they did safely. But it doesn't feel like a horror movie at heart. The drama is what takes more precedence, and it makes the ending more heartbreaking. But this in turn makes it lack that one moment that really shakes you to your core like the doll scene in Reincarnation. The scene where we finally get to see the ghost girl in her bloated glory was alright, but still wasn't big enough to hold it together. Its still a good watch though.
- DirectorMario BavaStarsClaudine AugerLuigi PistilliClaudio CamasoThe murder of a wealthy countess triggers a chain reaction of brutal killings in the surrounding bay area, as several unscrupulous characters try to seize her large estate.Not the most expertly crafted movie but it is certainly quite a shocker. The plot is a bit thin, almost farcical even. But it is by no means comedic. The writing is more of an excuse for Bava to come up with murder scenarios and he does so very well. The effects going into the murders were cutting edge from the time. But for the florescent red paint that is the blood in many of these Italian movies, they would still look amazing today. And this effect work translated into other areas as well, though in a more unsung way. Creating the setting of a forest when there was none was pretty seamless. It an impressive foray into the pre slashers though I can't say its the most engaging story.
- DirectorJack GoldStarsRichard BurtonLee RemickLino VenturaA telekinetic novelist causes disasters simply by thinking about them.Its a little dull. Nowhere near as bad as Roger Ebert claimed but it really could use an endorphin hit. A lot of it is that the movie is really dry. Its acted pretty well but it is all so cold and analytical that it doesn't leave much room for suspense. Even a plane crash comes across as humdrum at first. It isn't until the church at the end that the movie really starts to shine and people start showing more emotion. But I still don't want to call it bad, maybe something with a more narrow audience that prefer procedurals.
- DirectorMario BavaStarsBarbara SteeleJohn RichardsonAndrea ChecchiA vengeful witch and her fiendish servant return from the grave and begin a bloody campaign to possess the body of the witch's beautiful look-alike descendant.Barbara Steele may be my favorite of the scream queens. Even when she absolutely hated the experience working with Bava, she still puts out a great performance doing double duty as the witch and her reincarnated lead. Bava himself makes good use of its black and white camera to its maximum effect. The aging and de-aging scene is seamless, the colored lights that make it possible are smoothly transitioned to make it look perfectly natural. The mask prop on the other hand, I confess is a little goofy. I simply have seen some more creepy looking ones in lesser movies. This is a very good movie especially when it is the first full length movie, a testament to the legacy of Mario Bava.
- DirectorGuillermo del ToroStarsMarisa ParedesEduardo NoriegaFederico LuppiAfter Carlos - a 12-year-old whose father has died in the Spanish Civil War - arrives at an ominous boys' orphanage, he discovers the school is haunted and has many dark secrets which he must uncover.The brother film of Del Toro's Pan's Labyrinth is a great ghost story that doesn't make the ghost the centric figure. Much of the movie is a drama focusing on the Spanish war orphans and the caretakers that run the orphanage. They often talk about the mystery of the ghost, but the ghost doesn't really do anything. Which is probably for the best as he isn't as impressive as they thought. Inspired by J horror ghosts, it never measures up to its source. While in movies like Pulse the ghosts look otherworldly and inhuman, there is a severe plastic effect on the ghost boy that makes him look a little like a doll. He instead serves as a messenger and ill omen, a reminder that there is to be tragedy. Meanwhile, the real threat is the handy man, a conniving young man who hates the orphanage with every ounce of vile venom in him. His fall to become the reprobate he becomes is intriguing and the depths with reach he reaches really drives the final act. Its a very good movie that I would highly recommend.
- DirectorDenny HarrisStarsRebecca BaldingCameron MitchellAvery SchreiberDuring her first semester at college, a co-ed finds housing at a seaside mansion where, following the death of a fellow-student, she becomes entangled in a murder mystery surrounding the property and its secretive tenants.A movie I discovered when teasing a pro life activist on Youtube and promptly forgot existed. Which is probably the same thing that everyone who watched the movie did five minutes after the credits. Its not that the movie is necessarily bad, hell I was almost hoping for another train wreck starring Cameron Mitchel. Its just that it doesn't do anything to actually stand out. The murders are shot in a way that doesn't stand out and the acting isn't going to make up for it. Cameron Mitchel is barely there, as he probably wanted it. The backstory was a little interesting but doesn't really add much. Its a surprise to find out but it was never a game changer nor does it adequately explain the current situation. I can't really condemn or praise this movie, its just there taking up space.
- DirectorGuido BrignoneStarsBartolomeo PaganoUmberto GuarracinoMario SaioThe devil takes Maciste down to hell in an attempt to corrupt and ruin his morality.This movie really brought up memories of L'Inferno from last Halloween. It might be inferior to it, L'Inferno is a really good movie after all, but this manages to be a pretty fun family friendly romp through hell. With decapitations. While L'Inferno was more of a spectacle of camera trickery, this is more like a vale version of it. Hell is depicted very much the same way, but a bit cheaper and more frantic. It isn't too bad, its just not that important. It serves as a backdrop for Maciste to take a devil girl out on a date. Because he is just that cool a guy. And big. He is a giant even compared to the king of hell. What does hurt the movie is the plot. there isn't any. Things just kind of happen, Maciste goes to hell, he hangs out a few days, quells a rebellion against the king, no reason why. Maciste is just that nice a guy. Still, he punches one demon's head clean off. This is a fun silent movie for all ages if you can find a younger audience that would sit through a silent movie.
- DirectorChris WalasStarsEric StoltzDaphne ZunigaLee RichardsonThe almost-human son of "Brundlefly" searches for a cure to his mutated genes while being monitored by a nefarious corporation that wishes to continue his father's experiments.You know it is going to be a step down from the Jeff Goldblum movie but you know you are going to want to see it anyway. The puppets for this movie are great. The mutant dog is both vicious and sympathetic and the fly is sleek and cool. Its just not that scary. Mainly because its the hero. Instead of killing guard dogs, it pets them and everything. But the transformations are suitably gross. They make you wonder if the hero is really still the hero for a while. Then he pets the dog in the next scene. Honestly, I'm happy that dog got pets but that scene didn't do the movie any favors. Still, there are some good witticisms. The arm and a leg line was pretty clever, like a joke from a pro wrestling heel manager. But there is simply no replacing Goldblum as the mad scientist. Seeing the kid try is just a reminder of that. If you want something gross but not too scary, this is a pretty decent movie.
- DirectorDave ParkerStarsJenny BoswellChad PattersonEmily Sue BengtsonFrom the world of Puppet Master comes the newest entry in horror.At least we aren't in WWII. Doktor Death is actually one of my favorite of the puppets, but its hard to say this movie does great things with him. Its actually a bit of a disappointment in that it doesn't really accomplish anything. There is no real story, the puppet is found in a senior citizens home and starts killing. No puppet master or anything, it just starts killing seemingly at random. There is some degree of reasoning at the end, I think, but its vague and could just as easily be nothing at all. The human puppet is a neat concept and it makes some sense for the starring puppet, but its execution is very flawed. It is hard to formulate what is happening until the movie sits down and shows you Doktor Death is controlling dead bodies, but you are still left wondering multiple questions starting with why. It also doesn't help many deaths are shot off screen, including an important one that they try but fail to get tension out of, but the ones they show are suitably gory Its not the worst of the Puppet Master franchise and for what it is it might be enough to tide a fan over, but its hard to really give this a full recommendation.
- DirectorPierre De MoroTom DeSimoneStarsRay SharkeyJudy LandersMarjoe GortnerA young woman becomes amnesiac after an attack by a hired killer. She's admitted to a mental asylum run by a ruthless doctor who experiments on her patients with a lethal drug, and her attacker just got employed there.This movie is the definition of a hat on a hat. It would be fine to make a movie of a woman stalked by her mother's killer in a hospital and it would be fine if it were a movie where the inmates are being experimented on, but together, the movie starts to feel really busy. The killer is very campy, like being pursued by Elton John dressed as Freddie Mercury, and I don't know if I like it. He is so over the top and hammy that he doesn't fail to entertain but with the atmosphere the movie has going he sticks out like a sore thumb. But the doctor is very imposing, so much taller than all the other girls in the prison/hospital she makes for a very powerful figure. But what the movie can't hide is its budget, its Coreman low. And it shows it. Rooms are very plain, spartan at times, and its noticeable they are using the same space for multiple rooms. But there is Robert Z'Dar. And a young Z'Dar, where he had not yet acquired the mass to make his head a little more symmetrical with his body. Its a little better than average movie that would suffice to kill some time so long as its not the main event.
- DirectorGlenn DanzigStarsAshley WisdomRachel AligAlice HaigA surreal and bloody trilogy of erotic horror stories culled from Glenn Danzig's comics.A character looks in a fridge and asks if she wants milk or beer and I don't believe she has either of those things in there. This was a bomb. An absolute trash fire of poor acting and even poorer directing. Its one thing to see an actor utterly fail to deliver their lines, its another watching them then stand there idly while the director forgets to call cut. It does manage to save itself from being unwatchable however. For all the things wrong, I can't say it is without imagination. A woman with eyes for nipples cries from her breast onto a spider and turns it into a six armed serial killer is certainly a sentence I was not expecting to put to paper before watching this. The other stories, they were simple fetish trash. No real plot but more than enough titillation. The movie is as trashy as it is trash, but I am sure some edgelord out there might get a kick out of it. Maybe.
- DirectorSonny LagunaTommy WiklundStarsThomas LennonJenny PellicerNelson FranklinAll hell breaks loose when a strange force animates the puppets up for auction at a convention, setting them on a bloody killing spree that's motivated by an evil as old as time.I heard about this fairly long ago and dreaded seeing it. Now, I'm legit disappointed they didn't continue with this series. The series needed some new blood for some time, getting into a rut of period movies that were fun at first but really started to drag. NAZI puppets were a novel diversion to the formula but the changes likely turned away some of the more diehard fans. The new puppets are certainly controversial, ie Money Lender, but the racial caricatures at least make thematic sense. What did disappoint was the over reliance on Blade and the lack of variety with how the toys dispatch their victims. Baby Furor and Money Lender have some good kills, but Autogyro operates too similar to Blade in how he attacks and Happy Amphibian and Mechaniker seem less than capable because they get no screen time. It is also a shame that as the puppets were mass produced in this timeline, they never quite develop a sense of personality. With the open ending they left us on, I do they try to come back to this timeline.
- DirectorShin'ichirô UedaStarsTakayuki HamatsuYuzuki AkiyamaHarumi ShuhamaThings go badly for a hack director and film crew shooting a low budget zombie movie in an abandoned WWII Japanese facility, when they are attacked by real zombies.Novel, I'll give it that. A farcical horror movie, there is nothing that is going to scare you and there is no suspense whatsoever. The zombie actors, as this is a movie about making a movie, are cartoony but still have some endearing qualities. The alcoholic laughing about missing his visit with his estranged daughter because he was drunk suddenly breaking into tears is the bulk of the character development but its enough. The actual movie they made is a pretty remarkable feat, being an impressive 37 minutes of uncut footage, and has some nice nuance to it. Scenes that were questionable like the cameramen avoiding to film action scenes have an entertaining reasoning for their actions. Its not really horror, but this is a fun example of farce that is worth a watch.
- DirectorNicolas RoegStarsJulie ChristieDonald SutherlandHilary MasonA married couple grieving the recent death of their young daughter are in Venice when they encounter two elderly sisters, one of whom is psychic and brings a warning from beyond.It wasn't until the end of this movie that I realized I had seen the end before. I just always thought it was from Alice, Sweet Alice. Seeing it now in its entirety, this was a fantastic English horror movie. The mystery that surrounds Venice makes for a nice subtle back drop for the leads as they go through their own situation. It reminds you that there is serious danger around every corner even when its not related to the main story. And this builds tension for the conclusion that satisfies. I would definitely recommend this movie to just about everyone.
- DirectorTony MaylamStarsBrian MatthewsLeah AyresBrian BackerA former summer camp caretaker, horribly burned from a prank gone wrong, lurks around an upstate New York summer camp bent on killing the teenagers responsible for his disfigurement.The first movie produced by Harvey Weinstein, you'd think they wouldn't have flipped the trope of the promiscuous girls getting killed off. Until they do, but they tried. I'm not going to say this is Savini's best work. Cropsey isn't that great but he was made in 3 days. And Savini at his worst still manages to be better than anything any of us could muster. The deaths are still great, particularly the scene where he sticks a camper to a tree by the throat with his gardening sheers. The cast is pretty basic for the genre but they still manage to be somewhat endearing. The nerdy kid shooting the jock in the rear with a dart even got a laugh out of me. It a pretty good slasher at the end of the day. Not the best, far from the worst, its a good movie worth a watch.
- DirectorYoshiaki KawajiriStarsHideyuki HoriHiromi TsuruKiyoshi KobayashiA young swordsman and the daughter of a political Messiah enter a ravaged Shinjuku, Tokyo, to stop the man who killed the former's father from opening a portal to a world of demons.There is something that must be said about 80s anime dubbing. Unlike the celebrities that don't bother masking their voices or the disgustingly cliqueish nature of modern VAs, there is a charm of someone not letting their lack of talent read off their lines like a fast food order. And this movie has plenty of such talent. Like the secretary that sounds like a cow girl or the strangely offensive Mexican but not quite accent of the kid. Its really how anime should be heard if you think about it. But not too hard. Still, I really enjoyed this. Its not as sexual as something as Wicked City, though that is not saying much, but it holds its own with a relatively simple story that doesn't just turn into complete gibberish. It does feel like it glosses over certain things but its mostly world building things that still make enough sense. And some of the context clues of what is happening are pretty clever, like the possessed kid not casting a reflection. Its a good watch without as many awkward conversations that may arise if someone were to walk in on you as you watch it.
- DirectorBill RebaneStarsRalph MeekerStafford MorganJohn F. GoffA microorganism from Mars, brought to Earth by a space probe, terrorizes passengers in a railroad office.Its too dangerous, take your amphetamines. 1 hour and 30 minutes. That's how long until we really get to see the alien disease take effect. And its a pretty gory scene but just far too late. By comparison, The Similars has a similar premise but introduces you to the effects quickly and tension builds continuously as we keep seeing the illness progress. But here, there is nothing but talk. Which is a shame as there are some clever camera work. Some nice crane shots give the movie an almost voyeur quality, but there is simply nothing to watch. The ending is very typical of the 70s, a trope I wish they would bring back, and is pretty good for the way the movie plays out. But I can't say its worth a watch. Its a badly paced slog for ten minutes of quality content.
- DirectorCorinna FaithStarsMark SmithMarley CheshamRose WilliamsIn 1970s London, a trainee nurse spends her first night at a hospital during power outages, where she is haunted by a supernatural presence.A movie I found that shares a name with a movie I watched which in turn shared the name with a movie I'm looking for. And its something that feels like you've seen a hundred times before. The haunting that isn't what it seems is a bit of an overused trope but this movie really feels like its grinding it in. As soon as you learn the specifics of the ghost's history, you know exactly where the movie is going. But what's worse, there isn't really anything that is at all eye catching. While Devil's Backbone does the same song and dance, the fact that there are so many interesting things at play, the gold for the anti fascist resistance and the unexploded bomb in the middle of the orphanage, it feels like there is something to freshen up the story. This has dark halls and an event that serves only as to explain why the lights are out. Its actually downright boring, all this atmosphere wasted on nothing. And some of the deaths, the possessed girl didn't even do anything to one of them. They literally watched her go the other direction and fell out the window of their own accord. Maybe I'm too harsh, but this was a pretty lackluster film.
- DirectorHarry ThomasonStarsRod SerlingRobert GinnavenGary BrocketteThree eerie tales based on actual events are enacted in this film. First, three college students play a prank on a geeky classmate, who is accidentally shot and killed. His vengeful mother forecasts the deaths of the three young men she holds responsible, on 7, 14, and 21 days hence. And, one by one, her grim predictions come true. Next, a ghoulish sound emanates from a mist-shrouded hole in the Earth near where a Missouri boy has lost his dog. The boy's father is lowered into the hole and lets out an agonizing scream! Finally, a senator returning home from a party finds a lost girl on a bridge and learns from her father that she died years earlier!An interesting note, this movie is the directorial debut of an advisor for president Bill Clinton. And it sucks. Made in Arkansas, using the natives give it a small amount of folksy charm but any positive aspect is lost on the boring dialogue and even more boring cinematography. Every scene uses flat angles as characters flatly explain their situation, it might as well have been shot in the boring state of Ohio. And it doesn't help that the stories go nowhere. A 30 year old boy tells the story of how he and his two friends will die, and then die. There is a hole where scary sounds come from and that is all you are ever going to get out of the story. And the ghost hitch hiker story, arguably the best of the three, is just the hitch hiker story. I mean, it shows more of the impact of the story as her father has to tell this story over and over, crushing him under it each time, but that's it. I wouldn't really recommend this.
- DirectorJohn HayesStarsPhilip KenneallyDuncan McLeodJohn DullaghanConvicts on a chain gang sniff experimental formaldehyde fumes to get high. They attempt a prison break, are shot down by the guards and buried in the prison garden. Soon, they rise from the dead, using shovels and hoes to kill all who get in their way on their quest to get high once more.One of Troma's less eccentric films, its not really much to talk about. It's short run time keeps it from overstaying its run time but gives it very little to work with. It speed runs the plot to get to the zombies as quickly as possible, but then doesn't break out the trademark Troma gore. Instead, they zip around, whacking cars with pickaxes and skipping at their victims. The speed with which they attack is accentuated by the darkness of the set but the kills aren't treated all that importantly. Never do you get a close up of any of it and its shot matter of factly. Except for one zombie, watching him melt was alright. The acting, its not the best but I suppose its fine, or at least not the worst I've seen. Its really just a meh movie that isn't going to leave any lasting thoughts.
- DirectorLee CroninStarsMirabai PeaseRichard CrouchleyAnna-Maree ThomasA twisted tale of two estranged sisters whose reunion is cut short by the rise of flesh-possessing demons, thrusting them into a primal battle for survival as they face the most nightmarish version of family imaginable.I hate the Evil Dead reboot. I forget how much I hate it, but then whenever I talk about it, it all comes bubbling back and I hate it even more. This is better than that. Evil Dead without Ash is still like Indiana Jones with a 2023 Harrison Ford, and in the context of the original trilogy/series this is certainly the red headed step child of the franchise, but as a stand alone its pretty good. There are a lot of characters that serve no purpose, but the characters in general aren't the movies strong point anyway. The family are pretty much composed of simple caricatures, the imaginative youngest, the aspiring DJ son, and the progressive eldest, and don't develop much from that. They are meant to be recognizable at first glance and easy to get an attachment to, at least everyone but the eldest daughter who gives off plenty of 'Meg' vibes. But the gore and violence is on point. The deadites are great in how vicious and vile they are in their delivery. And the tone works well even if it seems too serious for an Evil Dead movie. If you want a creepy horror movie this is definitely a good watch but maybe not if you want a new Evil Dead film.
- DirectorPatrick WilsonStarsTy SimpkinsPatrick WilsonRose ByrneThe Lamberts must go deeper into The Further than ever before to put their demons to rest once and for all.Whether you are a fan or not, the key word for this movie is lazy. Certainly not a good movie to jump into the series, its entirely reliant on the first few movies to the point that it is almost a retconing. They do nothing to explain what is happening and somehow manage to accomplish nothing as they flounder towards the finish line. But even if you are a fan, it treads water that has already been tread. As they have been hypnotized to forget the events of the previous movies, they must relearn the rules that fans could recite with their eyes closed. And they coincidentally run into all the same characters they met before, in pointless cameos that didn't have to exist. Really, this was a terrible movie no matter where you are in the fandom, reliant on jump scares and goofiness in lieu of intensity.
- DirectorNaoko OmiStarsIkuya SawakiShinobu AdachiNarumi AokiTwo stories about teen-aged girls who encounter supernatural horrors.Seeing the Five Nights at Freddy's trailer made me think about the way CGI fails to really capture realism. The animatronics in the upcoming movie look very out of place, like a cartoon in the real world. This OVA really drives home how an animated horror movie works. Even though there are such strange and foreign things, they all seem to fit together as it all share the same medium. And to that, I enjoyed this for what it was. Film has evolved over time new techniques to help build tension. But this OVA didn't even use such simple things as audio cues, meaning that there are scenes that feel very disjointed because of the long gaps of dead air in the dialogue. But the stories at least show imagination to make them interesting. They are pretty well paced, making you wonder where the story is going without becoming formulaic. And the monster designs work very well in spite of their age. Its no Perfect Blue, but for a cheap scare this will hit the spot alright.
- DirectorDario ArgentoStarsJames FranciscusKarl MaldenCatherine SpaakTwo journalists try to solve a series of murders connected to a pharmaceutical company's secret experiments, becoming targets of the killer themselves.XYY disorder is a real thing and has been linked to a substantial number of prison inmates, initially being described as a criminal gene. And then it was found to be found outside the prison system in high ranking business professionals and in no way determines criminal behavior. But the time of its discovery does make an interesting idea for a murder mystery, even working with the later revelation. Its still not the best Argento Giallo. Its not that this movie is bad, its just not a particularly strong outing with little gore or menace. The blind hero is underutilized, it would have been nice having his disability be used against him more often rather than his able bodied counterpart. And while the train kill is very good, the rest are pretty mundane strangulations. The actors play them pretty well, but considering his other more notable works, they lack much oomf. I can't say its terrible, but like Argento I think this is one of his lesser earlier works.
- DirectorDanishka EsterhazyStarsHannah GoneraFrances Sholto-DouglasMila RayneA remake of the 1982 slasher film about sorority girls attacked by a maniac killer with a large electric drill.I see where they were going. Its still really dumb. Its the kind of movie that wants to do gendered humor, having the guys performing the roles of the women in Coreman's movies while the ladies perform snide commentary about it, but then they act equally as stupid so the commentary comes off as petty. I don't feel that they are in a position to criticize anyone when they are killed by a car engine fan after being trapped by the hood like the stepmom "caught in the washing machine" in a porno. It actually becomes a race towards the bottom as you learn more about the motivations for the trip, which becomes nonsensically stupid. The Driller Killer does a pretty good job recreating the original, but they don't do much more with him. The recreated scene when he stands over his victim with the drill hanging between his legs are stripped of meaning, as he shows no interest in the men like he did the women in Coreman's version. I think that may be the Achilles heel of this movie, it relies on an in depth knowledge of a low budget Robert Coreman franchise from the 80s to understand why they are doing anything in the movie. Otherwise, it just comes off as a ham fisted social comedy from someone with an axe to grind.
- DirectorAntony BalchStarsMichael GoughRobin AskwithVanessa ShawTwo British companions who met on a train heading to the rural countryside stay with a bizarre host of characters in a secluded, curious mansion. Unknown to them, there is a sinister secret behind closed doors.Entertaining but not quite something that sticks with you, this movie lingers in limbo. I love the hero's wit, but there is little to really recall. The zombie bikers seem very similar to the bikers in Psychomania in their gear. While this is coincidental, its not quite original. Their design outside their uniform is a little disappointing, the proverbial oatmeal monsters, which don't lend to the movie much. They look like they should be in something far older and in black and white. But it isn't without some charm. Aside from the hero some of the characters manage to deliver a good quip. Notably the villain's disloyal assistant has some good lines here and there. And the gore isn't bad for an English movie, nothing revolutionary but done well enough. The tricked out car was a nice touch and I wish it was used a bit more. Its fully watchable at least.
- DirectorNeil MarshallStarsShauna MacdonaldNatalie MendozaAlex ReidA caving expedition goes horribly wrong, as the explorers become trapped and ultimately pursued by a strange breed of predators.I saw this after seeing the abysmal sequel so this may have colored my appreciation for this movie a bit. Its nowhere near bad, but maybe I don't see it as favorably knowing how it turns out. This movie has some great atmosphere, the close quarters and nearly empty screen does give it this constant feeling of claustrophobia. It actually makes it scarier than knowing that there are monsters stalking them. And then the monsters start stalking them. With the heavier emphasis on the action in the final acts, you do lose that sense the walls are closing in because they are running so recklessly through the scene. But what I feel most disappointed of is still the monsters. Design wise they're perfectly serviceable, but its the fact that they are punked out so easily that hurts them. These specialized hunters are less successful killing the girls than they are of them. Had it been one cave monster through most of the movie keenly picking them off only for them to have to work together to kill it I feel would give the ending scenes a lot more emphasis instead of slaughtering the 4 or 5 they did. Still, the ending is really good, a real surprise that still works with what had transpired. I wouldn't consider this to be one of the greatest horror films ever made but it is still fantastic in its own right.
- DirectorDanny PhilippouMichael PhilippouStarsAri McCarthyHamish PhillipsKit Erhart-BruceWhen a group of friends discover how to conjure spirits using an embalmed hand, they become hooked on the new thrill, until one of them goes too far and unleashes terrifying supernatural forces.Billed as the best horror movie of the year, this movie looks to be a contender. At least until Slotherhouse drops and breaks all the records that is. I'm not the biggest fan of A24. While I liked The Lighthouse and Hereditary, I'm snake bitten by Midsommar and Under the Skin. But this leans more to the former than the latter, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. It didn't get so far up its own butt with its imagery and focused on an thrilling story and tense town. The ghosts aren't there to make a ton of silly jump scares, most of the time they aren't even visible to the audience. The kids make sport out of being possessed and with only the exception when the lead is involved, the ghosts are never seen. This makes for some creepy moments, like when the ex boyfriend recoils when he sees his spirit. The ending is left open a bit, leaving a lot of loose ends but if you follow how its progressed, it refreshingly very dark. It isn't nihilistic and can be interpreted lighter, but there is still a lingering doubt that lingers in your mind about it. The only real issue I had, the lead at times feels like a third wheel. Her relationships with the others feel off, like they were struggling to fit her in with the others. This ultimately leaves characters like her father to end up underdeveloped while other family to develop arcs that feel like they should have been explored. Her story isn't a complete dud but there is still a feeling of what if they followed someone else instead. I would say this was a very good movie that deserves a bit more attention.
- DirectorPeter StricklandStarsToby JonesAntonio MancinoGuido AdorniA sound engineer's work for an Italian horror studio becomes a terrifying case of life imitating art.The trick to making a psychological horror movie, vaguely hint at things and never actually follow through. This isn't a bad movie, in fact I would say its well above average, but just not something I was really into. It all is tied together very well, but the hallucination sequences aren't that shocking. They seemed very safe, never going to show anything shocking or gratuitous. I would go so far as to call them tame, especially compared of some other psychological horror movies like Jacob's Ladder. The cast is pretty good though, and they effectively make you feel for the odd man out lead. While those hallucinations aren't that stunning, they well convey his deteriorating psyche. Its a quality movie with an ambitious premise that all works even if it lacks many frills.
- DirectorNacho VigalondoStarsKarra ElejaldeCandela FernándezBárbara GoenagaA man accidentally gets into a time machine and travels back in time nearly an hour. Finding himself will be the first of a series of disasters of unforeseeable consequences.A time travel scifi horror film with no special effects? How can this go wrong? Its hard not to give a spoiler for this movie as its very straight forward in terms of plot. And to an extent, that works very well. All the pieces of the film are painstakingly tied together tight enough to cross Cape Horn. There are no coincidences, everything is related to everything and are vital to the plot. The lead is what would be unconventional in a big budget movie, he looks a bit like Trevor in GTAV, but he delivers a good relatable and compelling vessel for the audience. This is a movie I definitely want in my collection now.
- DirectorCarlo LedesmaStarsBel DeliáAndy RodoredaSteve DavisAn investigation into a government cover-up leads to a network of abandoned train tunnels deep beneath the heart of Sydney. As a journalist and her crew hunt for the story it quickly becomes clear the story is hunting them.I mean, its a found footage movie. Its not really reinventing the wheel, just running on less than full pressure. It has all the trappings of the genre, with a monster that is vaguely seen dark halls, and a conclusion that never really satisfies anyone. Its unconventional in that some of the characters survive, and do interviews throughout the movie so that isn't a spoiler, but that does kill the suspense deader than snot. It tries to keep its gimmick going as a documentary and that makes it a little interesting, but it isn't going to stand out much. Its not that this movie is bad, its just kind of there.
- DirectorDario ArgentoStarsThomas KretschmannMarta GastiniAsia ArgentoAsia Argento stars in horror legend Dario Argento's sexy spin on the classic tale about the sharp-toothed count who craves human blood.from the height of his career to the Mariana Trench, Dracula 3D is as goofy and terrible as its reputation persists. The color saturation on the screen is so over the top, this movie could be argued to be a cartoon. Its simply too much, especially when the CGI is on display. And that is its own kettle of fish, they make the Scorpion King in The Mummy Returns look like the cover of a National Geographic before they were gutted by Disney. These look like the opening CGI of a PS2 Castlevania game that never got past the beta stage. And the acting is even worse. The only saving grace is that the terrible effects and goofy death scenes, and none of those can be taken seriously in an Argento movie no less, make this an alright movie to laugh at.
- DirectorGeorge MarshallStarsBob HopePaulette GoddardRichard CarlsonA radio broadcaster, his quaking manservant and an heiress investigate the mystery of a haunted castle in Cuba.Its a movie of its time and as such, there are thing here you cannot repeat. The relationship between Hope and Best would certainly be problematic in today's climate. Still, they have some pretty decent quips between them and they play off each other very well. Their chemistry is a big reason why this movie still holds up as good as it does. Otherwise, this is a very by the books comedy about voodoo. They got the wrong Caribbean island, but I'm sure they didn't care.
- DirectorJosé Antonio Nieves CondeStarsJames PhilbrookArturo FernándezSoledad MirandaWhen a group of isolated people in the Greek mountains set off a cave explosion, they are menaced by an invisible shrieking dinosaur that had been buried for eons.Its one way to show off an invisible monster. Not a very good way, but still one way. The issue here is that we've seen it done better two years prior in Fiend Without A Face, with indentations where the monster steps and rustling of bushes. There is almost none of that here, with footsteps near the end of the movie being the entirety of it. There is a scene where the monster fades in and out, but nothing as impressive as the brain monsters. Nor are you going to get the spectacular gore effects. The acting is okay, they tried but its the usual 60s fare. Its not all that spectacular but still passable.
- DirectorBruce KesslerStarsAndrew PrineBrenda ScottGeorge PaulsinSimon, a young man with magic powers, invokes the help of the evil forces in order to take revenge on a man who cheated him with a bad cheque.The writer was a witch apparently, but that is not a replacement for being a writer. This movie is very hard to follow, and not because its meticulous in how it tells the story. A lot of the dialogue just devolves into gibberish. At one point he visits another witch's coven, and I assume he is challenging her? And this is kind of a shame as the actors seem really enthusiastic in what they're doing. There is also not a particularly scary movie as there is so much focus on the mechanics of magic. And when it is being used, its not done in a way that's scary. The special effects are unique but not threatening, orange swirling balls that push over flower pots and open sliding doors. The movie never shows death scenes either, it will cut away and come back after they are already dead. This is a slightly below average movie, not awful but not that good either.
- DirectorToshiharu IkedaStarsMiyuki OnoAya KatsuragiHitomi KobayashiA late night TV presenter receives a snuff tape, in which a woman is brutally killed. She decides to take a crew out to a location indicated in the tape, but only death and despair await them.Japanese giallo is its own kind of crazy. Its interesting to think of this as a giallo like movie. there is a certain degree of similarity as there is mystery here with an obvious focus on the graphic murders. But there is far less rationality here. There are explosions and spike death traps that are difficult to actually explain. But their effectiveness are unquestionable. The deaths in this movie are brutal. Even in the "less" graphic deaths, they are brutal by any standards. And that is a major reason why I appreciate this movie so much. The film quality is lacking even for 80s standards and the movie does look cheaper because of it, but the content more than makes up for it. Even the final battle, while the effect is a cheap cop out to avoid showing the killer's movements, the style that it gives off still makes it very visually appealing. This movie is a true blast, a must watch for anyone that fell in love with the original Evil Dead.
- DirectorAna ClavellJames Glenn DudelsonStarsStephanie PetteeRoy AbramsohnSusan SchrammThis second sequel to Creepshow (1982) features five new tales of horror: "Alice", "The Radio", "Call Girl", "The Professor's Wife", and "Haunted Dog".If you remotely liked Creepshow, this movie will make you sick to your stomach. Everything feels wrong. There is no ambiance, everything has the lighting of a Saturday morning kids show. The "humor" hits like a fart in church. The "horror" even more so. Everything just feels cheap, a low effort cash grab that uses the credibility of one of the best anthology films ever made. This movie is repugnant.
- DirectorNorman LeeStarsLeslie BanksLilli PalmerRomilly LungeA murder is found to be connected to a false heir and a secret underground torture chamber.This movie has a very dark and compelling story, told slowly and plodding manner possible. Its not that this classic is bad, the actors are certainly charming, its just very tepid with how they use them. The policework is realistic in that way, there are no big theatrical revelations so much as finding a clue and then waiting for forensics to come back with something. Even the iron maiden, brought up earlier in the film, fails to get any real use. A spoiler, the villain convinces them to save him from the death trap, only to deliver some exposition before killing himself with poison. Yes it serves to wrap up the story's last loose end, but the fact that the iron maiden fails to get any real use is very disappointing. Again, this isn't a bad movie, its very well made with memorable characters, but it lacks that oomf to really make it memorable.
- DirectorWilliam FruetStarsIvan E. RothSteve RailsbackGwynyth WalshDetective Jim Bishop and Dr. Rachel Carson must find a way to stop a giant monstrous insect that's eating people in her quarantined hospital before it procreates and spreads a deadly infection it's carrying.Ask any dog, they will tell you this movie is ruff. There is something very made for TV about this movie. Its a combination of things, the acting has that tv star vibe to them. Mainly because they are mostly tv actors, but they aren't putting the effort in this one. The camerawork is equally very bleh, a lot of very flat shots and boring scenery. And then there is the monster. Last year I gave credit to a movie called Monster From Green Hell for their giant insects looking better than how I would have expected. This is what I expected. A floppy, rubbery monster being bounced around like a stuffed animal to express movement. The writing is not great, with deus ex machina moments and plot conveniences you'd expect from a high school screen play. While it does have some star power, there is not much going for this movie.
- DirectorAndy MilliganStarsNeil FlanaganJaqueline WebbJudith IsraelA deranged 15th Century prison colony chaplain exploits his power to get money for his church including murder and grave robbing committed by his vampire mistress and one-eyed hunchback assistant.A movie so ugly, a doctor should have slapped the director for his part in its conception. Its not just 70s jank either, its advanced 70s jank where everything is washed out and a vibrant ugly brown that makes your stomach churn a little. Transitions are jarring, even when they are just moving to a new camera angle looks like they just sewn together different parts of the movie together. Acting would be sub standard for a porno, it almost feels like the actors were handed a script and told action before ever getting the chance to read their lines. And the kiss scene, its such a sloppy kiss I could have sworn that it was between an actress and a bulldog. His lips envelop her whole face like a big mouth bass. As to the gore, I think this movie was funded by box tops. They try to show things like people's eyes being staked and heads cut off, but they are all done the same way with the camera panning just out of view. This can work if used sparingly, but when done this frequently it only draws attention to itself even more. The ugliness is an eyesore, but somehow makes it a little intriguing. Like a trainwreck, you are compelled to see it to the very end.
- DirectorLamberto BavaStarsDavid Edwin KnightNancy BrilliCoralina Cataldi-TassoniA group of tenants and visitors are trapped in a 10-story high-rise apartment building infested with demons who proceed to hunt the dwindling humans down.The follow up to one of the top movies this Halloween, it is well worthy of its predecessor. While I would call it tamer than the predecessor, that is not saying that it isn't wild. The transformation sequence is still top notch, as is the revival scene that starts off the whole scenario. Otherwise, the gore is toned down a bit. I can't recall any scenes where you really see someone get torn apart like you did in the first, but there is a good amount of general carnage. The story is a little more in focus this time, following multiple people trying to survive the demon horde. This does help cover for the two main characters who are a lot less interesting as the heroes of the previous film, but also brings up a story arch that literally goes nowhere. At least the punks in the first film got in the theater, these guys can't even make it to the front door. The camerawork is still top notch, the demons looking down the stair well rivals the scene of them climbing up from the underground and the tv screen stuff looked great. This was a blast to watch.
- DirectorYilmaz DuruSergio GarroneStarsKlaus KinskiKatia ChristineMarzia DamonUnder strong influence from his burn victim wife, a wealthy aristocrat does skin transplants from young women, who were captured, operated on against their will and then killed, to fix his wife's burnt body.Its still a sin to hear Klaus Kinski dubbed over. The first thought that crossed my mind was this was a period piece Eyes Without A Face. And it is a little bit. Its not exactly the most expensive looking movie, I have no idea what these instruments are but they look like they'd fit more at a fairground, but they make it good when it counts. The surgery scenes look fantastic and the burn makeup is top notch. The story is a little unclear towards the end, it turns supernatural but the transition is jarring to the point you don't understand what is going on. The dubbing is a bit off, I don't even understand Italian but I can tell you the voice actor was found on the 70s era Fiver for half price. There is a sibling film too, made simultaneously with much the same cast, sets, and footage, I'll have to track that down to get a good reading on that. In all, its a lot better than the Kinski movie I chose for Halloween and I feel bad.
- DirectorDanny LeeHerman YauStarsAnthony Chau-Sang WongDanny LeeEmily KwanMacau cops begin to suspect a man running a pork buns restaurant of murder, after tracing the origin of a case full of chopped up human remains that washed ashore, which leads them to him.There is no mystery nor a suspenseful build, this movie hits the ground with both wheels running and drives hard. Based somewhat on an infamous murder case, this movie is gruesome and exploitative, and I would not want it any other way. The violence is extreme and the kills are gory, and does not shy away from making you squirm. No one is to be spared, and their remains served as steamed bun specials. The only thing that didn't add to this story is the comedy, the police are depicted as bumbling goofs. And that was fine at first but they're so brutal at the end of the movie that its not really agreeable. Its a great movie if you feel the itch to see rotten people do awful stuff and get what's coming to them by equally rotten people.
- DirectorRoberto ZazzaraStarsGaia WeissLorenzo RichelmyMark RyderAfter several mysterious accidents, A Live Action Role Playing game is interrupted and the players leave the bunker while the staff remains behind to investigate the disappearance of Greg, the mastermind of the game.This is a stinker. There are some ideas for a horror movie that are completely thrown out in the trash to make something as generic and bland you can make to rival cream of wheat. The whole larp as NAZIs thing doesn't go anywhere or mean anything, it was just done because the movie was made in Italy and Italy was an axis power. The one character they reveal as a real NAZI is done because they needed to justify using NAZIs in the story, he isn't made any more important or have any real impact on the story. Instead, its a generic ghost that wants to possess the female plank of wood that is the plankiest and woodiest one amongst the characters that could have been picked up at Home Depot. The deaths are stupid, one woman is thrown down a hole. A hole that was left open while the larp was going on. A larp where children participated in. Children that would play around the open death pit. And the fact that this all transpires after all the guests are evacuated so that only the handful of employees can be killed off, there was no reason for that to have been a thing at all. This could have been them setting up for the first game and it would change absolutely nothing. This was just boring. The characters are boring, the situation is boring, the ghost is boring, the only thing they had was an interesting bunker setting and they managed to suck all the fun out of that.
- DirectorEli RothStarsPatrick DempseyTy OlssonGina GershonAfter a Black Friday riot ends in tragedy, a mysterious Thanksgiving-inspired killer terrorizes Plymouth, Massachusetts - the birthplace of the infamous holiday.While I would have liked this to be more like a 70s slasher, it isn't the worst of the modern age. The kills are fun and gory, with some good comical moments that were pretty good. Which was a dangerous prospect these days, with Disney leading the charge on killing atmosphere with an unnecessary quip. But seeing the turkey thermometer pop, prematurely I'd add, while a woman burns to death in an oven walks that very fine line well. But it still has the trappings of the modern slasher. The mystery is completely redundant, there is no way to determine the killer. He gives his motive at the end and there is nothing that comes before it that would allude to any of it ahead of time. Instead, you get foreshadowing lines that come into context later. This was pretty good in all, a win for Eli Roth.
- DirectorPhilippe MoraStarsRonny CoxBibi BeschPaul ClemensA young woman gets raped by a mysterious man-creature, and years later her son begins a horrific transformation into a similar beast.This movie is remembered for its big transformation scene at the end, and really not much else. Its not that the movie is as bad as the critics said it was but the plot is stretched to its limits. When they reveal that the kid is being possessed by Dexter, the question that immediately comes to mind is "who the hell is Dexter?" They didn't explain that right away either, so I really had no context as to why this mattered to anyone. The acting at times is pretty bad, again I have no context yet as to why they are acting like this, but more often than not is on par. But the transformation is great. The final result isn't quite The Thing, but the transformation is still pretty good for the early 80s. When compared to modern practical effects it looks fake but they hold their own for the time. Its a shame seeing the final form though, as its very underwhelming for what the transformation was. The transformation is really what carries this movie up from what would have been a pretty average film.
- DirectorTed GeogheganStarsAnne RamsayRon E. RainsJeremy HolmFive military veterans, best friends since childhood, gather together to support their troubled host, and the metaphoric ghosts of their past become all-too-literal.As the year comes to a close, I figured I'd slip one last movie in. This was my mistake. The cast was great and the characters were interesting, the premise was strong and the tension is there. Its just uninteresting. It had me at first but I soon realized that the conflict is half baked and silly. By the end of the third act, it devolves into a "nuh uh" fight were one side is so underdeveloped he might as well have said just that. And once that hit, all the tension they had built up just cratered. I kept hoping for a twist but I knew there would be none, leading to a terribly unsatisfying conclusion.