- [on his son's name] Zolten is a common Hungarian name, it's my wife's maiden name and most importantly, it's the name of Dracula's dog.
- [on the environment, June 20, 2008] Every bit of my bullshit detector goes off like crazy over global warming, and every fucking thing Al Gore says. He seems to me like a lying sack of shit who's wrong about everything.
- There are magic tricks that look astonishing, and that - if you knew the secret - you would think are a little easy. Magic strips that out in an almost burlesque caricature way: to conceal how it's put together. When someone in music plays an effortless riff - when you hear John Coltrane play something that just flows out of the sax easily and comfortably - the fact that he was doing tedious work to get there is supposed to disappear, exactly the same as a magic trick.
- 'Psycho' is fascinating philosophically, because the point of 'Psycho' is that everything that's bad happens because of love.
- Bacon is so good by itself that to put it in any other food is an admission of failure. You're basically saying, 'I can't make this other food taste good, so I'll throw in bacon.'
- It's amazing to me how many people think that voting to have the government give poor people money is compassion. Helping poor and suffering people yourself is compassion. Voting for our government to use guns to give money to help poor and suffering people is immoral, self-righteous, bullying laziness.
- When you're watching Psycho, there' s that moment when you have a visceral reaction to watching someone being stabbed. And then you have the intellectual revelation that you're not, and that's where the celebration comes in.
- There is this tremendous amount of arrogance and hubris, where somebody can look at something for five minutes and dismiss it. Whether you talk about gaming or 20th century classical music, you can't do it in five minutes. You can't listen to 'The Rite of Spring' once and understand what Stravinsky was all about.
- Tolerance is you saying something crazy and me smiling and saying, 'That's nice.'
- You have two choices with Obama. You either believe that he is a man of Christ... or you think he's a liar. And I'm surprised by the number of atheist free thinkers that support Obama, and their argument is essentially, 'He's lying about being religious 'cause you have to do that to get elected.' It's a horrible reason to like somebody.
- Poker has the feeling of a sport, but you don't have to do push-ups.
- The purpose of art is to collide the intellectual and visceral together at the highest speed possible.
- Don't waste too much time wishing, hoping, and being envious; it'll make you bugnutty.
- I believe the fast track to atheism is reading the Bible. I've read it three times all the way through. It's a big part of our culture, a big part of our history. I don't just read things I agree with.
- I'm a hardcore libertarian - I want everything legal - but I also believe that you have the right to free association.
- Direct confrontation, direct conversation is real respect. And it's amazing how many people get that.
- Behaving morally because of a hope of reward or a fear of punishment is not morality. Morality is not bribery or threats. Religion is bribery and threats. Humans have morality. We don't need religion.
- I love when violent, dangerous art is done by people who are not violent and dangerous. I love that when George Romero was making 'Dawn of the Dead,' he was coaching his son's little league team.
- You have to be careful as a libertarian because you can sound very Republican.
- I don't believe in vengeance. Really, when all is said and done, I probably don't believe in punishment.
- Juggling is very, very straightforward; very, very black and white; you're manipulating objects, not people. And that's always appealed to me.
- I don't want anyone as president who promises to take care of me. I may be stupid, but I want a chance to try to be a grown-up and take care of my family.
- I think voting for the lesser of two evils in game theory always leads to more evil.
- When you tell other people to do stuff they don't know how to do, they tend to freak out.
- Democracy without respect for individual rights sucks. It's just ganging up against the weird kid, and I'm always the weird kid.
- Every nut who kills people has a Bible lying around.
- I don't believe the majority always knows what's best for everyone.
- Even if I disagree with Obama on many, many things, he is certainly qualified to be president. He is certainly competent to be president.
- I'm not misunderstood. I am brash. I make my living being brash.
- A lot of people, to attack an outspoken atheist, one of the things they'll do is say, 'You are as bad as the fundamentalist Christians.' And my answer is always, 'I hope so.'
- You have in Vegas the most heterogeneous audience you're gonna get anywhere in the country. In Boston, Chicago, Miami, you know who goes to the theater. In Vegas, you have people who only see one theater show a year, and it's in Vegas.
- I had e-mail in 1984! I had an e-mail address then, which means that all you could write to was Steve Jobs and Bill Gates. There were three of us, writing to each other.
- Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I have to try to treat people right the first time around.
- All David Blaine is is a good-looking magician.
- People like Bill Maher, who brags about being a cynic, it sickens me. I am the least cynical person I know, and I am very, very skeptical.
- If you want to turn out an atheist child, unconditional love constantly is a good way to do it.
- To drive a car in rural America is freedom. Before I had a car, I'd never seen a rock and roll show, I'd never seen a comic or a show.
- Every day, TV, newspapers, and the Internet bombard us with a message that we're destroying the earth. Ice caps are melting, rivers are dying, polar bears are drowning, and trees are doing something.
- TV networks are dying. The death throes of religion give us jihads. The death throes of television give us reality shows.
- America was founded on Christians not trusting each other, and they sometimes seemed more willing to reach out to the godless than to someone from another sect.
- The cliché of the nerdy kid who doesn't go outside and just plays games is completely untrue. And it's also true for the nerdy kid who studies comic books and turns into this genius, and it is also true for the nerdy kid who listens to every nerdy thing that Led Zeppelin put out. That kind of obsession in a 16-year-old is not ugly. It's beautiful.
- I think one of the things about Donald Trump that's interesting is he lives in a rarified atmosphere where it's possible that he doesn't get enough feedback, enough people rolling their eyes at him. It's a danger more in show business than it is with wealth.
- Everyone's goals are the same with very small differences. I mean, the goal of a socialist and the goal of a libertarian are exactly the same. The goals are happiness and security and freedom, and you balance those.
- My hair is way, way long. I've hitchhiked across the country a zillion times. I've ridden in every car. I was never a hippie. It takes more than long hair.
- The fact is that violence gives you a rush.
- The First Amendment says nothing about your getting paid for saying anything. It just says you can say it. I don't believe that if a corporation pulls all the money out of you or a network pulls their money away or you get fired, you're being censored.
- I like movies that are scary, but I don't want them to be dirt dumb. I want a movie that gets my blood racing, makes me laugh, but also gives me something to think about, with maybe a little sexy thrown in. Hollywood doesn't make movies like that.
- Someone who is a good person should have no fear of the government whatsoever.
- For better or worse, in the 21st century, reality shows are the variety show.
- I've been fired from a situational comedy with a script they wrote specifically for me because of my voice.
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