Meet the Baron (1933)
Ted Healy: Head Janitor and His Stooges
Photos
Quotes
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Dean Primrose : [on the phone] Somethings wrong with the showers. The water's off. Hurry! These poor girls are standing around here without any clothes on.
Head Janitor : We'll be right up!
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Head Janitor : [on the telephone] Hello, I'm the head janitor, if Miss Primrose wants me, tell her I'm fixing a tiny bit of a leak down in the janitor's cellar.
[Moe, Larry and Curly come into the flooded cellar in a gondola boat, singing]
Larry : I got a fish!
Curly : I got a fish!
Moe : All us children got fish!
Head Janitor : Wait a second, boys... That's the first fish of the season. make a wish, take your time now, son.
Larry : [sings] Well, I wish I was in Dixie,
Moe : He would,
Curly : He should!
Head Janitor : [catches a fish with his hands, sings] We'll save this fish for the Baron's breakfast, the best is none too good!
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Head Janitor : [sits down to a card game] Have you guys got any tricks?
Larry : Have we got any tricks?
Head Janitor : Yeah.
Larry : [to Curly; Larry stands up and attempts to get on Curly's shoulders] Hey, show him that trick. We got a trick where I get up on his shoulder, and while I'm up there, he drinks a cup of coffee.
Head Janitor : You drink a cup of coffee?
Curly : Yeah.
Head Janitor : Do you like sugar in your coffee?
Curly : Sure!
Head Janitor : [Ted pounds Curly on the nose] There's a lump!
Larry : [Curly and Larry sit down] Wait a minute now, I'm going to deal these cards!
Head Janitor : You're what?
Larry : I'm going to deal the cards!
Head Janitor : I'm the boss, ain't I? I'll deal! I'll hit you a crack in the kisser!
[Ted slaps Larry]
Head Janitor : I'll do all the dealing.
[Ted starts dealing out the cards]
Head Janitor : Here, there's a 4 for you; there's an ace, that's for me; there's an 8, and there's a deuce. That takes too long: there's some for you there, there's some for you, there's some for you, and that's for me.
Moe : What do you bid?
Head Janitor : I bid, uh... four spades.
Curly : I double.
Larry : I re-double.
Moe : I triple!
Head Janitor : Triple? How do you like that? You can't triple!
Moe : [Moe stands up] Why can't I?
Curly : [Curly stands up] But the man says you can't triple!
Moe : Ohhh, come on.
[Moe pokes Curly in the eyes]
Curly : How do you like that guy?
[Ted slaps Curly]
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Curly : How do you like that guy?
Head Janitor : [the head janitor slaps Curly] That argument's between he and me, he and me!
Moe : Yeah, now I can triple!
Head Janitor : Triple? You want to triple?
Moe : Yeah!
Head Janitor : You must triple?
Moe : Yeah!
Head Janitor : Heh heh. Hey mouse-head, come here.
Head Janitor : [Larry and Curly huddle into a whispered conversation with the head janitor] Okay, heh heh, come here.
Head Janitor : [Moe walks over to the head janitor; Larry sticks his leg out, tripping Moe] Ha ha! Now you've tripled!
Moe : Aw, that ain't the Culbertson system!
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Head Janitor : Boys, boys, get the tools!
Moe : What tools?
Head Janitor : The tools we've been using for the last 10 years!
Moe , Curly , Larry : Oh, those tools!
Head Janitor : [a factory whistle blows; Moe, Larry and Curly put their tool kits on the ground] What's the matter?
Curly : Didn't you hear the whistle?
Moe : Time's up!
Head Janitor : What is this, mutiny?
Larry : No, we're union men!
Curly : Local 464.
Larry : Telephone: Main-1234.
Moe : And if a man answers, hang up.
Head Janitor : Are you going to work?
Curly : No!
[the boss slaps Curly]
Head Janitor : Are you going to work?
Moe : No!
[the boss slaps Moe]
Head Janitor : Are *you* going to work?
Larry : I'll work if I feel like it!
Head Janitor : Do you feel like it?
Larry : Yeah, I feel like it.
Head Janitor : Now listen, fellas, let's get organized. Do you understand? The girls are upstairs, taking a shower bath, and the water is stopped and we got to fix it.
Moe : The girls are in the shower now?
Head Janitor : Yes!
Curly : They're waiting for us?
Head Janitor : Yes!
Larry : And we got to fix it?
Head Janitor : Yeah!
[Moe, Larry and Curly eagerly pick up their tool kits, the boss tries to keep them in order]
Head Janitor : Wait a minute, wait a minute, I'm the boss here!
Moe : Give me my tools!
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Dean Primrose : Stop!
Head Janitor : What's the matter?
Dean Primrose : You can't go in there.
Head Janitor : We can't, eh? She don't know us.
Dean Primrose : Apparently, you don't know me. I'm the dean, you hear me? The dean, dean, dean!
Moe , Larry , Curly : You're a better man than I am, Gunga Dean!
[the head janitor gives his assistants a sweeping slap across their faces after the "Gunga Din" pun]
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Head Janitor : [inside Baron Munchausen's suite] Gentlemen, where do you want me to put the bags?
The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : Er, put them... put them under the bed.
Head Janitor : Boys, put them under the...
Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : Wait a minute! Baron, I smell treachery!
[turns to the head janitor]
Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : Or is that you?
Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : You want the bags where you can see them, Baron.
The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : Sure, I want the bags... I want them under my eyes.
Moe : [looks at the Baron's face] But you already got bags under your eyes.
Head Janitor : [pushes Moe down among the baggage] What's the matter with you? Talking that way to the Baron!
The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : Please, my bags!
Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : Ignore it, Baron!
The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : I'm insulted!
Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : The Baron demands an apology!
Head Janitor : Hey, hatchet-head, did you hear that? The Baron demands an apology!
Joe McGoo - the Favorite 'Schnozzle' of the Screen : Baron!
Head Janitor : Apologize to the Baron!
Moe : Well, if I said anything to hurt the Baron's feelings, I thank you.
The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : It's apologized!
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Dean Primrose : You nincompoop! You idiot! You good-for-nothing lout! I want you to know that I disapprove of you wholeheartedly.
Head Janitor : What's this squawk?
Dean Primrose : You blockhead!
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Head Janitor : Lady, we got to get in there if you want those pipes fixed.
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Dean Primrose : Will you get to those pipes.
Head Janitor , Larry , Curly , Moe : Will we!
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Head Janitor : Are we men or are we rats?
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Head Janitor : Baron, tell me: Did you bring your animals with you?
The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : No. First, I look around and see if I like the country, then I send for my animals and also my birds.
Curly : Oh, a bird lover, eh? And you know all about them?
The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : Do I know about birds? You give me a bird, any bird, and I tell you where it comes from.
Moe : Oh... We give you a bird, and you can tell us where it comes from?
The Famous Baron Munchausen of the Air : Ya, but give me a good one.
[Moe, Larry, and Curly give the Baron a "bird" in the form of a raspberry]
Head Janitor : [the head janitor knocks Curly's top hat off, and Curly puts a bowler hat on his head] For two pins, I'd knock your head off!
Larry : [Larry holds two pins in his hand] That's very cheap. Here!
