The Gay Deception (1935)

Francis Lederer: Sandro

Quotes 

• Consul-General : Your highness is a bellboy?

  Sandro : I was a bellboy. That's why I came to see you. I got fired.

• Mirabel : Oh, 14, why did you have to be a prince?

  Sandro : I'll try my whole life to live it down.

• Mr. Squires : Young man, I'll tell you a secret - just among men, okay?

  Sandro : Yeah.

  Mr. Squires : All Women's hats are monstrosities.

• Sandro : But this, madam. This is not a hat, this is a mistake.

  Mirabel : Why that's my very favorite.

• Mirabel : They told me you were fired.

  Sandro : Oh, no, madam. I was promoted. I'm a waiter now.

• Consul-General : Perhaps your highness would prefer to be the janitor?

  Sandro : Oh, janitor, or general manager, house detective, anything. I don't care.

• Sandro : Such a pretty little guest and a monstrosity of the hat.

• Sandro : Does madam wish to order?

  Mirabel : I'll have fried chicken.

  Sandro : Well, if I may suggest..

  Mirabel : What?

  Sandro : The pigeonette du clos, I assure madam, is superb.

  Mirabel : I'll have the chicken, please.

  Sandro : But, the pigeonette eh...

  Mirabel : Fried chicken!

  Sandro : The pigeonette du clos with a............

  Mirabel : [Slamming her hand on the table]  Fried chicken!

• Sandro : [Sitting down at Mirabel's table]  I beg you to forgive me, but you say nothing. You're driving me insane.

  Mirabel : I forgive you! I forgive you!

• Mr. Squires : I'll tell you another secret.

  Sandro : Yes, please.

  Mr. Squires : You won't tell anybody?

  Sandro : Oh, no. What is it?

  Mr. Squires : You're fired.

• Sandro : But if madam would permit me to suggest.

  Mirabel : I don't need any suggestions. I know my very best...

  Sandro : Yes, but sometimes we don't know what's best for ourselves.

  Mirabel : If you know what's best for yourself...

• Mirabel : What's that?

  Sandro : Casaba melon, madam, compliments of the hotel... ..

  Mirabel : Take it away, I hate the sight of it.

• Mr. Squires : Young man, you are fired.

  Sandro : I know.

• Sandro : Say, what's the matter? You don't seem very glad to see me.

  Consul-General : But I don't see. Your highness can't possibly be here.

  Sandro : Can't I?

  Consul-General : Your highness mustn't be here. Your highness isn't here.

  Sandro : Well, where am I then?

  Consul-General : Your highness, your highness is on the Colonia, in the middle of the ocean.

• Consul-General : Your highness is a bellboy?

  Sandro : I was a bellboy. That's why I came to see you. I got fired.

  Consul-General : Huh?

  Sandro : Yes, I got fired.

  Consul-General : What? They cannot fire Prince Alesandro d'Alesandria

• Sandro : You've got to call the Walsdorf-Plaza. Ask for Mr. Spitzer, and tell him that if he wants the contracts, it, uh, might be wise to reinstate one of your countrymen - a bellboy, Number 14, huh.

• Mirabel : Do you want me to call the head waiter?

  Sandro : I don't care if you call the police, madam, I am only trying to tell you that you are right and I am wrong. You are the guest and I am the waiter. I forgot myself. I beg you to forgive me. Please, don't you understand? I apologize.

  Head Waiter : [Arriving at her table]  What is wrong, madam?

  [to Sandro] 

  Head Waiter : What's going on here?

  Sandro : Please go away. Don't disturb us.

• Mr. Squires : Young man, I'll tell you a secret - just among men, okay?

  Sandro : Yeah.

  Mr. Squires : All Women's hats are monstrosities.

  Sandro : No kid... Oh, that's so true, Mr. Squires.

  Mr. Squires : That's a secret we men must carry to our graves.

• Mirabel : Or maybe you think I like everything about you.

  Sandro : All right, let's start with what you don't like about me.

  Mirabel : Well, your nose is crooked.

  Sandro : My nose is crooked? I never knew that. Well, I can have that fixed. Is that all?

  Mirabel : No, it isn't even half. You're impudent, egotistical, presumptuous, and fresh.

  Sandro : All right, I'll tell you what we'll do. I promise to change everything about myself, if you'll promise to stay exactly as you are.