A Day at the Races (1937)

Margaret Dumont: Mrs. Emily Upjohn

Quotes 

• Dr. Hackenbush : Oh, well, uh, to begin with I took four years at Vassar.

  Mrs. Upjohn : Vassar? But that's a girls' college.

  Dr. Hackenbush : I found that out the third year. I'd 've been there yet, but I went out for the swimming team.

• Whitmore : Just a minute, Mrs Upjohn. That looks like a horse pill to me.

  Dr. Hackenbush : Oh, you've taken them before.

  Mrs. Upjohn : Are you sure, Doctor, you haven't made a mistake?

  Dr. Hackenbush : You have nothing to worry about. The last patient I gave one of those to won the Kentucky Derby.

  Whitmore : May I examine this, please? Do you actually give those to your patients? Isn't it awfully large for a pill?

  Dr. Hackenbush : Well, it was too small for a basketball, and I didn't know what to do with it. Say, you're awfully large for a pill yourself.

• Dr. Hackenbush : Here, boy. Here, boy, eh, take these bags and run up to my room and, eh, here's a dime for yourself.

  Mrs. Upjohn : Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Eh, this is Mr. Whitmore, our business manager.

  Dr. Hackenbush : Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Here's a quarter.

• Mrs. Upjohn : Dr. Hackenbush tells me I'm the only case in history. I have high blood pressure on my right side and low blood pressure on my left side.

  Dr. Leopold X. Steinberg : There is no such thing. She looks as healthy as any woman I ever met.

  Dr. Hackenbush : You don't look as though you've ever met a healthy woman.

• Mrs. Upjohn : Surely, you don't question the Doctor's ability.

  Whitmore : No, not exactly. But running a sanitarium calls for a man with peculiar talents.

  Dr. Hackenbush : You don't have to look any further, I've got the most peculiar talents of any doctor you've ever met.

• Mrs. Upjohn : [who has been instructed by Dr Hackenbush to wave her arms up and down, as part of a physical examination]  How long do you want me to do this, Doctor?

  Dr. Hackenbush : Just until you fly away.

• Tony : Excuse, please. We're sure getting a lot of new customers since that Doctor Hac-ken-a-pus is coming.

  Mrs. Upjohn : Did you say Hackenbush?

  Tony : Yes, ma'am.

  Mrs. Upjohn : I wonder if that could be the same one! Where's he come from?

  Tony : Where's your Hac-ken-a-pus come from?

  Mrs. Upjohn : Palmville, Florida.

  Tony : That's the one!

• Mrs. Upjohn : How would you like me to dance away from you?

  Dr. Hackenbush : I'd be satisfied if you'd dance off my feet.

• Mrs. Upjohn : Hugo, I'm disappointed in you. To think of you dancing with that strange woman.

  Dr. Hackenbush : Well, don't think of it. Think of me dancing with you.

• Dr. Hackenbush : [to Stuffy]  Take her pulse. Take her pulse!

  Mrs. Upjohn : [Stuffy takes Mrs. Upjohn's purse]  Oh, no-no-no! My purse! My purse! My purse! He has my purse!

  Dr. Hackenbush : You must forgive him, he doesn't spell very well, Mrs. Upjohn.