- Tommy Bates: Who says I'm too drunk to fight? Stand up and I'll show ya!
- Cisco Kid: But senor, I'm already standing.
- Billie Graham: Hey, Cisco, wait a minute! What about the gold mine?
- Cisco Kid: The gold of the rising sun is much more beautiful, senorita. And it is ours for as long as we live.
- Cisco Kid: Amigo, if the young lady refuses to say, "I do," shoot the gentleman in the leg.
- Gordito: Oh, si.
- Cisco Kid: And if the gentleman refuses to say, "I do," shoot him in the other leg. It only comes twice in the ceremony, no?
- Pop Saunders: Ah... yes!
- Cisco Kid: Good! He's got enough legs.
- Tommy Bates: Excuse me, sir. Could you tell me where the schoolhouse is?
- Pop Saunders: Surest thing. Up the street about two blocks... where it says Dead Eye Saloon.
- Tommy Bates: Well?
- Pop Saunders: That's it.
- Tommy Bates: What? The Dead Eye Saloon is a schoolhouse?
- Pop Saunders: Yep. The owner got killed so we moved the kids in there.