- Bob White: [regarding the invitation's instructions to arrive precisely at midnight] Midnight? Now why should she insist on midnight?
- Nora O'Brien: She probably saw "The Cat and the Canary".
- Garson Denham: [trying to prove Cassandra is mentally incompetent] Will you please explain to the court just why you put vinegar on your apple pies?
- Aunt Cassandra Hildegarde Denham: Gladly.
- [points to the cook]
- Aunt Cassandra Hildegarde Denham: That fat cook of mine makes them too sweet, she's done it for years, she wants to put weight on me.
- [the whole court laughs, the cook especially]
- Aunt Cassandra Hildegarde Denham: If you're ever around, stop in for some apple pie
- [whispers]
- Aunt Cassandra Hildegarde Denham: without vinegar.
- Judge Moore: Thank you, maybe I'll do that... but I like vinegar on my apple pies.
- [Cassie laughs]
- Aunt Cassandra Hildegarde Denham: Trowbridge Montrose, what were you doing snooping around outside my window at 1 o' clock in the morning?
- Trowbridge Cadwallader Montrose: I was walking through my garden, I always walk through my garden at 1 o' clock in the morning.
- Trowbridge Cadwallader Montrose: Have they found out who the killer is yet, Cassie?
- Aunt Cassandra Hildegarde Denham: If they haven't, then my bath water's getting cold for nothing.
- Bob White: Aunt Cassie couldn't be the killer, because she's not strong enough to lug around a couple of grown men like a set of Indian clubs.
- Nora O'Brien: I still think you shouldn't attend this hearing. Suppose they make a mistake and try you. You know, there's two schools of thought about the sanity of columnists.
- Bob White: Quiet.
- Mary Denham: Don't you worry about a thing, Aunt Cassie.
- Aunt Cassandra Hildegarde Denham: Why should I worry? I'm the only sane person in a family of nitwits.
- Sheriff William Boggs: Murder cases take time. I've got to do a lot of deducting.
- Aunt Cassandra Hildegarde Denham: Deducting. You sound like a millionaire making out his income tax.