Hail the Conquering Hero (1944)

Paul Porcasi: Cafe Owner

Quotes 

• Sgt. Heppelfinger : We're just a little bit short of cash, see...

  Cafe Owner : Uh, uh.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : ...or I'd never make you this proposition.

  Cafe Owner : Ho, ho.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : I was going to save it for the museum, see, but when you're out on a limb you gotta make sacrifices, that's all. You follow me?

  Cafe Owner : I'm ahead of you.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : I'm gonna let you in on the ground floor of something very, very rare. You remember when General Yamatoho committed hari-kari?

  Cafe Owner : Possibly.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : I happened to be very close by, see.

  [winks, indicates he pulled out one of Yamatoho's teeth and shows the very large elk's tooth he got from one of the other Marines] 

  Cafe Owner : Big man, wasn't he?

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : Immense! This is one of the rarest mementos...

  Cafe Owner : [as he pulls a large Japanese flag out of his coat]  You wouldn't like to buy the flag they buried him in, would you? I could let you have it very reasonable.

  [pulls out another flag] 

  Cafe Owner : I have it in several sizes.

  [begins to pull other items out of his coat pockets] 

  Cafe Owner : MacArthur's suspenders! The first bullet that landed in Pearl Harbor... you can take your pick. A piece of a Japanese submarine.

  [turns the piece of metal over] 

  Cafe Owner : If you look at it this way it becomes a German submarine.

  [turns the piece again] 

  Cafe Owner : And this way it's a piece of a shell that just missed Montgomery! Here we have the seat of Rommel's pants. And last, but not least, we have a button from Hitler's coat... although that one I don't personally believe.

  Sgt. Heppelfinger : Wise guy.