The Jack Benny Program (1950–1965)

Bob Hope: Self, Bob Hope, Clyde

Photos 

Quotes 

• Humphrey Bogart : I'm entitled to one phone call, ain't I? Gimme a dime I'll go down to the drugstore.

  Jack : Oh, no you don't. You'll make your call here where I can keep an eye on you.

  Bob : And save a dime.

• [Bob walks on carrying Jack's trousers] 

  Bob : Welcome to the Lucky Strike Program. In just a few minutes, you'll see our star, Gypsy Rose Benny.

• Jack : It's really dangerous, here in the jungle.

  'Clyde' : Your'e telling me. What about those first three nights, we had to light fires to keep the animals away.

  Jack : Yeah, then we ran out of water. For three weeks we couldn't even take a bath.

  'Clyde' : Then the animals lit fires to keep us away.

• Bob Hope : [on being on a CBS show]  I feel like Zsa Zsa at a P.T.A. meeting.

• Bob Hope : [finding some coins tied with string in Jack's trousers]  When you ask this kid for a loan, and he says his money is tied up, he isn't kidding. This is an obstacle course for pickpockets.

• Jack : [poking his head through the stage curtains]  Bob, will you please give me my pants back?

  Bob Hope : Put your head back through there, or I'll start handing out baseballs to the audience.

• Don Wilson : [Poking his head through the curtains]  Bob, Bob, quick, give me Jack's pants

  Bob Hope : Why do you want Jack's pants?

  Don Wilson : Because I had to give him mine.

  Bob Hope : You mean, Jack's actually wearing your pants?

  Jack : [out of shot]  Darn right I am.

• Jack : [Pointing to the tiger]  He must have gone to a veterinarian in Denmark.

  'Clyde' : I wondered why he had his hand on his hip when I shot him.

• [our heroes have been captured by a tribe on cannibals, and are standing in a large pot] 

  Jack : I'm scared, I'm frightened.

  'Clyde' : Frightened. Why, you yellow-belly. Do you want to live forever?

  Jack : No, I just want to reach 40.

  'Clyde' : Oh, we're not going to make that trip again, oh no.

• Jack : [pointing a pistol at Bob's trousers]  I'm going to blow your brains out.

  [Bob adjusts Jack's gun arm, so that the pistol is now pointing at Bob's head] 

  Bob Hope : Let's not do any jokes we didn't plan on, eh.

• Bob Hope : By the way, this is where Bing did his last show and I think they've done very nicely. They've gotten most of it out of the curtains.

• Bob : This is rather strange for me, I'm on the major network.

  [mouths NBC] 

• Bob : [about Bing Crosby]  He's up in Nevada looking over Boulder Dam - his piggy bank is filled. He's so loaded, you know, he uses Howard Hughes for a bell boy.

• [Our heroes enter a jungle clearing carrying a tiger on a pole] 

  Jack : These last 2 miles were rugged, weren't they?

  'Clyde' : I knew as soon as we got off the freeway, we'd run into trouble.

• Jack : What kind of tiger is that - Siberian or Bengal?

  'Clyde' : General Electric.