The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T. (1953)
Hans Conried: Dr. Terwilliker
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Terwilliker : Is it atomic?
Bart Collins : Yes sir, VERY atomic!
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Dr. Terwilliker : This is my day! 5,000 little fingers, all playing together on my piano! Every finger obedient to the whim of me, the master! Every infinitesimal, microscopic piece of living tissue of those 5,000 little fingers, cringing and trembling and groveling before me! Before me, Dr. Terwilliker, as I raise my baton! We shall play... raise hands! We shall play the most beautiful piece ever written! I wrote it. "Ten Happy Fingers"! A one, and a two, and a three, and a play!
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Bart Collins : I don't think the piano is my instrument.
Dr. Terwilliker : What other instruments are there, pray tell? Scratchy violins, screechy piccolos, nauseating trumpets, et cetera, et cetera?
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Dr. Terwilliker : [singing] I want my lavender spats!
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Dr. Terwilliker : [after hearing Bart practice] That's not bad. But not good! You're still not loud enough, still not fast enough! Rhythm still off, still misses the beats!
Bart Collins : What?
Dr. Terwilliker : Well, it takes time. It takes years!
[smiles]
Dr. Terwilliker : Sometimes it actually does take forever.
Bart Collins : What?
Dr. Terwilliker : Well, my little watch tells me that's all we can hope to do today. Tomorrow, however, oh tomorrow, what a day! At 6 AM sharp, all the others will arrive!
Bart Collins : What others?
Dr. Terwilliker : Well, I say, you don't think I built this great piano just for you! Have you no concept that I am on the eve of my greatest triumph? Tomorrow, I will fulfill the dream of my lifetime! Tomorrow, the Terwilliker Institute - my Happy Finger Institute! Tomorrow we will celebrate the official grand opening! Tomorrow, down below me, I will have 500 little boys - 5,000 little fingers! And they'll be mine, all mine! Practicing 24 hours a day, 365 days a year!
Bart Collins : I - I don't believe it! This is crazy!
Dr. Terwilliker : And are you to tell me what is crazy? Away! Go back your cell! And put on your official Terwilliker beanie!
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Dr. Terwilliker : I'm sure you'll find this a most fascinating dungeon. That lovely rumbling sound you hear is one of my favorite prisoners! He was a bass drummer in an orchestra I once conducted, had a very bad habit. You know that part in Beethoven's Fifth Symphony, where the drummer is supposed to go 'A-boom-boom-boom-boom?' Well, this stupid lout always went 'A-boom-boom-boom-boom... A-boom!' One extra boom, you know. He'll be here forever.
[they see a man beating on an enormous drum repeatedly]
Mr. Zabladowski : You mean he has to keep beating that drum forever?
Dr. Terwilliker : Oh, that isn't the man I'm punishing! My man is inside the drum!
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Dr. Terwilliker's Voice : Bartholomew Collins! The years you spend with Dr. Terwilliker, will be the happiest years of your life. But if you get homesick, don't try to escape. The barbed wire around the Terwilliker Institute... is ELECTRIFIED!
[echoes]
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Mr. Zabladowski : I've heard rumors about your operation.
Dr. Terwilliker : Rumors? Scuttlebutt! I can tell you all about the rumors! I'm a villain! I'm a loathsome racketeer! This money you see before you? I've stolen it from the pocketbooks of unsuspecting mothers. Filthy, lying rumors! Why, this is a problem that every great man faces! The rumors of corruption that breeds in high places, rumors seeking to discredit my noble aims. And now these have crept into me own house, vilifying and besmirching my honesty, my fair name, my integrity!
Mr. Zabladowski : You talk a lot, but I don't know how much you say.
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Dr. Terwilliker : Mrs. Collins! Why are you standing there with that null and void expression on your face? No, don't tell me - I know the workings of your mind, Mrs. Collins! You've been thinking of your son again! How many times must I tell you to burn that picture? You've room in your life but for one picture, my picture, Mrs. Collins! Your future husband! Have I not graciously condescended to take your hand in marriage tomorrow immediately following the official grand opening?
[an alarm rings. Sergeant Lunk appears on a screen]
Sgt. Lunk : Sergeant Lunk reporting to headquarters. Cell number one - the boy's not in it!
Dr. Terwilliker : The boy's not in it? Well search for him, find him!
Sgt. Lunk : Yes sir, Dr. Terwilliker, sir!
Dr. Terwilliker : Your son! And you said he could be trusted! Tonight of all nights, Mrs. Collins, the very night before my institute opens, and your son dares to flaunt my authority! So, he doesn't like the neat, clean, comfortable cell which I've given him, eh? Very well! From now on, he doesn't have to sleep there! From now on, Mrs. Collins, your boy sleeps in the DUNGEONS!
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Dr. Terwilliker : "the idiotic cock-eyed flum-dummery"
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Dr. Terwilliker : When the plumber Zabladowski has installed the last sink, I want him disintegrated! I want you to disintegrate him slowly. I want him to suffer - atom by atom - at dawn!
