My Fair Lady (1964)

Stanley Holloway: Alfred P. Doolittle

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Quotes 

• Colonel Hugh Pickering : I'll have you know, Doolittle, that Mr. Higgins' intentions are entirely honorable!

  Alfred P. Doolittle : Oh, 'course they are, guv'nor. If I thought they wasn't, I'd ask fifty.

  Professor Henry Higgins : [shocked]  You mean to say you'd sell your daughter for fifty pounds?

  Colonel Hugh Pickering : Have you NO morals, man?

  Alfred P. Doolittle : Nah. Nah, can't afford 'em, guv'nor. Neither could you, if you was as poor as me.

• Alfred P. Doolittle : The old bloke died and left me four thousand pounds a year in his bloomin' will. Who asked him to make a gentleman out of me? I was happy. I was free. I touched pretty nigh everyone for money when I wanted it, same as I touched him. Now, I'm tied neck and heels, and everybody touches me. A year ago, I hadn't a relation in the world except one or two who wouldn't speak to me. Now, I've fifty, and not a decent week's wages amongst the lot of 'em. Oh, I have to live for others now, not for myself. Middle-class morality.

• Alfred P. Doolittle : What am I? I ask you, what am I? I'm one of the underserving poor, that's what I am. Now, think what that means to a man. It means he's up against middle-class morality for all the time. If there's anything going, and I puts in for a bit of it, it's always the same story: you're undeserving, so you can't have it. But, my needs is as great as the most deserving widows that ever got money out of six different charities in one week for the death of the same husband. Heh, I don't need LESS than a deserving man, I need MORE. I don't eat less hearty than he does, and I drink... oh, a lot more. I'm playing straight with you. I ain't pretending to be deserving... no... I'm undeserving, and I mean to go on being undeserving. I like it, and that's the truth. But, will you take advantage of a man's nature to do him out of the price of his own daughter, what he's brought up, fed and clothed by the sweat of his brow till she's growed big enough to be... interesting to you two gentlemen? Well, is five pounds unreasonable? I put it to you... and I leave it to you.

• Alfred P. Doolittle : I knew she had a career in front of 'er!

• Alfred P. Doolittle : The Lord above gave man an arm of iron/So he he could do his job and never shirk/The Lord above gave man an arm of iron, but/With a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck/Someone else'll do the blinkin' work. With a little bit, with a little bit/With a little bit of luck, you'll never work/The Lord above made liquor for temptation/To see if man could turn away from sin/The Lord above made liquor for temptation, but/With a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck/When temptation comes, you'll give right in/With a little bit, with a little bit/With a little bit of luck, you'll give right in/Oh, you can walk the straight and narrow/But with a little bit of luck, you'll run amuck/The gentle sex was made for man to marry/To share his nest and see his food is cooked/The gentle sex was made for man to marry, but/With a little bit of luck, with a little of luck/You can have it all and not get hooked. With a little bit, with a little bit/With a little bit of luck, you won't get hooked/With a little bit, with a little bit/With a little bit of bloomin' luck/They're always throwin' goodness at you/But with a little bit of luck, a man can duck/The Lord above made man to help his neighbor/No matte where, on land or sea or foam/The Lord above made man to help his neighbor, but/With a little bit of luck, with a little bit of luck/When he comes around, you won't be home/With a little bit, with a little bit/With a little bit of luck, you won't be home/With a little bit, with a little bit/With a little bit of bloomin' luck.

• Alfred P. Doolittle : Eliza, you wouldn't have the heart to send me home to your stepmother without a drop of liquid protection, now would you?