Hello, Dolly! (1969)
Michael Crawford: Cornelius Hackl
Photos
Quotes
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Cornelius Hackl : I've lost everything: my job, my future, everything people *think* is important, but I don't care - because even if I have to dig ditches for the rest of my life, I shall be a ditch-digger who once had a wonderful day.
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Cornelius Hackl : [infatuated with Irene] Well, you see, we're two ladies about town and we're looking for a had to Malloy and...
Barnaby Tucker : We're hats, you see, and we're looking for a lady to Malloy with for the af...
Cornelius Hackl : [signals Barnaby to be quiet] We want a hat!
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Fritz, German waiter : And what would you like, sir.
Cornelius Hackl : Six months off for good behavior.
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Cornelius Hackl : Barnaby, you don't know anything about women.
Barnaby Tucker : Only that we can't afford them.
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Cornelius Hackl : Smile Barnaby.
Barnaby Tucker : [forcing a smile] I'm smiling.
Cornelius Hackl : Look rich, gay, and charming.
Barnaby Tucker : [a small beat] I'm looking gay and charming.
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Cornelius Hackl : Cornelius Hackl here.
Barnaby Tucker : Barnaby Tucker here.
Irene Molloy : Irene Malloy here.
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Cornelius Hackl : Look, I'm dancing!
[carelessly backs into a chair and falls]
Cornelius Hackl : Uh, I was.
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Cornelius Hackl : I've never touched a woman before.
Irene Molloy : You still haven't. That's my corset.
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Barnaby Tucker : Are you sure this is an adventure, Cornelius?
Cornelius Hackl : You don't have to ask, Barnaby. When you're in one, you'll know it all right.
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Cornelius Hackl : I mean it isn't the money or anything.
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Cornelius Hackl : We're gonna close the store.
Barnaby Tucker : Close the store?
Cornelius Hackl : We have to, 'cause some rotten cans of chicken mash are going to explode.
Barnaby Tucker : Holy cabooses, how do you know?
Cornelius Hackl : Because I'm gonna light some candles under them.
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Horace : Corneilius Hackl! What are you doing in New York?
Cornelius Hackl : Oh, I'm just delivering some oats.
Horace : Delivering some oats? With my former intended? You're discharged!
Cornelius Hackl : You can't fire me. I quit!
Irene Molloy : So do I!
Horace : Barnaby Tucker, you're discharged.
Barnaby Tucker : You can't fire me. I quit!
Minnie Fay : So do I!
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Horace : Now in honor of the occasion, I'm going to promote you both. Cornelius, how old are you?
Cornelius Hackl : Twenty-eight and three-quarters, Mr. Vandergelder.
Horace : Is that all? That's a foolish age to be at. I thought you were 40.
Cornelius Hackl : No, I'm 28 and three-quarters.
Horace : Well, a man's not worth a cent until he's 40. We just pay him wages until then to make mistakes.
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Horace : Anyway, I've decided to promote you to chief clerk.
Cornelius Hackl : Chief clerk?
Horace : Yes.
Cornelius Hackl : Well, what am I now?
Horace : You're an impertinent fool, that's what you are! Now if you behave yourself, I'll promote you from impertinent fool to chief clerk, with a raise in your wages.
Cornelius Hackl : Ah. Thank you, Mr. Vandergelder.