What's Up, Doc? (1972)

Kenneth Mars: Hugh Simon

Photos 

Quotes 

• Judge Maxwell : I think I want to skip over this part, too.

  Howard : That night, I went back to my room and she was in the bath.

  Judge Maxwell : Who was there? No, don't tell me, just go on.

  Howard : When Eunice walked in and the drapes caught fire, everything burned. They asked me to leave. I really don't blame them.

  Judge Maxwell : Good boy. Is there more?

  Howard : Sure.

  Judge Maxwell : There's more.

  Howard : Well, the next day, today, Mr. Larrabee asked me to his house with my rocks and to bring Eunice. Or rather, Burnsy, the one he thinks is Eunice. Is that clear?

  Judge Maxwell : No, but it's consistent.

  Howard : Shall I go back over it?

  Judge Maxwell : No, please, I beg you, don't. Just go on.

  Howard : It gets kind of complicated now. First, there was this trouble between me and Hugh.

  Judge Maxwell : You and me?

  Howard : No, not you. Hugh.

  Hugh : I am Hugh.

  Judge Maxwell : You are me?

  Hugh : No, I am Hugh.

  Judge Maxwell : Stop saying that!

  [to bayliff] 

  Judge Maxwell : Make him stop saying that!

  Hugh : Don't touch me, I'm a doctor.

  Judge Maxwell : Of what?

  Hugh : Music.

  Judge Maxwell : Can you fix a hi-fi?

  Hugh : No, sir.

  Judge Maxwell : Then shut up!

• Judy : Has anyone ever told you that you are very, very sexy?

  Hugh : Well, actually no.

  Judy : They never will.

• Hugh : I find that as difficult to swallow as this potage au gelee.

  Judy : How would you like to swallow one sandwich d'knuckles?

• [Judy and Howard have their heads under the table, Howard is trying to convince Judy to leave, Frederick joins them] 

  Frederick Larrabee : What's going on down here? You two just can't keep away from each other, can you?

  Howard : Oh, we were just talking.

  Hugh : [Joins them]  Are you all right Mr Larrabee? Can I help?

  Frederick Larrabee : No, it's fine, we were just chatting.

  Musicologist : [Joins them]  What's the matter?

  Musicologist : [Joins them]  Anything wrong?

  Frederick Larrabee : No.

  Judy : We're just testing a theory Howard has about Vocal Reverberation Under Spinal Pressure.

  Professor Hosquith : [Joins them]  What? Vocal Reverberation Under Spinal Pressure?

  Judy : You know, V.R.U.S.P.?

  Musicologist : Oh yes!

  Musicologist : I think I read a monograph on that.

• Hugh : I think the Hugh Simon theory will stand the test of time.

  Judy : Exactly what *is* that theory Mr Simon?

  Hugh : I doubt you are qualified to understand it but it says that the 16th and 17th century composers developed a uniform scale platform based upon the intervals utilised in the mountaineer yodel.

  Judy : And you developed this theory? That should come as a shock to Professor Findelmeyer.

  Hugh : I don't know what you're talking about.

  Judy : Sure you do, the Findelmeyer Proposition.

  Hugh : I don't know what you're talking about, besides that has never been translated.

  Judy : Just once. Harvard Musicological review, 1925. It's probably out of print now...

  Frederick Larrabee : Of course! Professor Heinrich Findelmeyer, the university of Zurich, 1911, the controversial Findelmeyer Proposition, no wonder it sounded so familiar. I'm sorry Simon

  [rips up the grant check] 

  Hugh : This is despicable.

  Frederick Larrabee : Hugh, you're a bad loser, you're a plagiarist and you're nasty. I don't like you and I want you to go away.

• Eunice : Mr Larrabee.

  Frederick Larrabee : Frederick.

  Eunice : Frederick. Will you help me?

  Frederick Larrabee : Yes, I will. Who are you?

  Eunice : I am Eunice Burns.

  Hugh : Who cares who she is. We're going to be killed.

• Hugh : I don't know who *he* is, but *she* is de*fin*itely not herself!

• Hugh : [threatened by man with a gun]  Don't shoot! I'm part Italian!