Showdown (1973)

Dean Martin: Billy Massey

Photos 

Quotes 

• Billy Massey : Art, I got to hand it to you. The whole thing went off as slick as spit on a round doorknob.

• Billy Massey : Stop worrying! The sheriff in Cumbres is so fat he uses a barrel hoop for a belt and he couldn't catch a milk cow if it had a bell on it.

• Billy Massey : I often wondered why you and me never hooked up, Kate.

  Kate Jarvis : Hook up with the tail of a kite with no string on it? Unh-uh.

  Billy Massey : It might have been a fun ride.

• Chuck Jarvis : Do you mind telling me why you are stopping trains?

  Billy Massey : I was infected with a social disease... known as bad luck.

  Chuck Jarvis : The juries are beginning to take a dim view of bad luck.

• Billy Massey : Do you like sheriffing?

  Chuck Jarvis : It's a job.

  Billy Massey : What kind of salary do you get?

  Chuck Jarvis : No salary, I...

  Kate Jarvis : Oh, he gets two dollars for serving a warrant, three dollars for arresting anybody...

  Chuck Jarvis : And thirty cents a mile for chasing idiots...

  Kate Jarvis : Like you.

  Billy Massey : Well then, you ought to thank me for doubling back. I let you make a few extra bucks.

• Billy Massey : This chili can sure heat a man up - and you don't help cool me down either.

• Billy Massey : They better start humpin' pretty soon or we ain't gonna have much of a herd.

  Chuck Jarvis : Hell, if that bull is only half as horny as you, we'd be in business.

• Billy Massey : After dinner I want to take a look at that little piece of property over by Goodwin's, so, if you'll get ready.

  Kate Jarvis : [sarcastically]  Oh, sure! I'll just tell the butler to finish cleaning up the house and the upstairs maid can do the laundry and the downstairs maid can lay out my white satin dress.

  [turns around, Chuck spanks her behind] 

• Billy Massey : Remember how we used to go dancin', Kate? I'll never forget when you and me won that waltzin' contest. Chuck never could get the knack to it. He always danced like he was wearin' wooden underwear.

• Billy Massey : Stayed in Durango, spent the money for my half of the ranch, went to Cuba with the Rough Riders. When I came back here, I drifted along the border, got the fever, lost a lot of weight. I was so thin I could've took a bath in a shotgun barrel.

• Billy Massey : I could've done without bumpin' into you. But, it sure was good to see Kate again. Still as pretty to look at as four aces.

• Billy Massey : I could've shot you last night.

  Chuck Jarvis : Why didn't you?

  Billy Massey : I don't know. I just keep makin' these dumb mistakes.

• Billy Massey : I still think Kate's gettin' to be mighty tired of being married to seven square feet of a rock of ages.

  Chuck Jarvis : I didn't know you were an expert on marriage.

  Billy Massey : An expert on women.

• Chuck Jarvis : Billy, give me the names of the others. I don't think Wilson swallowed the story about how it all happened, but, he said if you you'd help him, he'd let you plead - eh, something like, eh 'rectum curious'.

  Billy Massey : Do you want to cut the deck a little deeper.

  Chuck Jarvis : That's Eastern talk for you've changed and you won't do it again. Okay?

• Billy Massey : Hey, watch that thing. You ain't that good a shot. You might miss and hit me.

• Chuck Jarvis : Oh, I never knew a knick to the ass could hurt so much.

  Billy Massey : I'm glad it was you and not me.

• Billy Massey : Did you bring a posse?

• Billy Massey : They ain't no posse.