- Paul Gerard: You're a very able man, Lieutenant. I respect that, but I really don't care for you very much.
- Lt. Columbo: You know, sir, I was thinking the same thing about you. I respect your talent, but I don't like anything else about you.
- Paul Gerard: When did you first suspect me?
- Lt. Columbo: Well, as it happens, sir... about two minutes after I met you.
- Paul Gerard: That can't be possible.
- Lt. Columbo: Oh, you made it perfectly clear, sir, the very first night when you decided to come to the restaurant directly after you were informed that Vittorio was poisoned.
- Paul Gerard: I was instructed to come here by the police.
- Lt. Columbo: And you came, sir.
- Paul Gerard: Yes.
- Lt. Columbo: After eating dinner with a man that had been poisoned. You didn't go to a doctor. You came because the police instructed you. You didn't go to a hospital. You didn't even ask to have your stomach pumped. Mr. Gerard, that's the damnedest example of good citizenship I've ever seen.
- Lt. Columbo: Good evening, ma'am. My name is Lt. Columbo, Homicide. I'd like to speak to Paul Gerard. Is he home?
- Eve Plummer: I'm not sure.
- Lt. Columbo: Is it a big place or is he just out to the police?
- Paul Gerard: [referring to Vittorio's death] Albert, can all this be true?
- Albert: Mr. Gerard, Vittorio was a fine man. You're a food critic, great critic. I'm a simple chef, but I'm sure I speak for chefs everywhere when I say I wish it was you dead in there.
- Lt. Columbo: [Watching Paul Gerard eat the dish he prepared] What do you think?
- Paul Gerard: Lieutenant, I wish you had been a chef.
- Lt. Columbo: I understand, sir.
- Paul Gerard: What makes you think Vittorio was in some sort of trouble?
- Lt. Columbo: Mainly because he was murdered, sir. The two, trouble and murder, they seem to go together. At least that's been my experience, sir.
- Kenji Ozu: Do you have a hot suspect?
- Lt. Columbo: Well, I've got my eyes on one.
- [Turns to look at Paul Gerard]
- Albert: Lieutenant, we're behind you, all of us. And I want you to know this: as long as you're on this case, you'll never go hungry.
- Lt. Columbo: Sorry, Mr. Gerard, but I can't let you get away with it.
- Paul Gerard: What?
- Lt. Columbo: Your recipe. You didn't think I'd remember, did you? It's onion sauce.
- Lt. Columbo: I expected to see you at Mr. Rossi's funeral. I guess you couldn't make it.
- Paul Gerard: I never go to funerals. I prefer to remember my friends as I saw them last.
- Lt. Columbo: I believe Mr. Rossi was yelling at you when you saw him last. Isn't that right, sir?
- Paul Gerard: You mustn't take me literally, Lieutenant.
- Lt. Columbo: The boy said something about an argument and a lot of shouting. What was that about, sir?
- Paul Gerard: It was a trivial matter.
- Lt. Columbo: Yes, sir. Most arguments seem to start that way.
- Paul Gerard: I'm beginning to regard you as an old acquaintance, Lieutenant.
- Lt. Columbo: Well, thank you very much, sir. I'm beginning to know you pretty well, too.
- Lt. Columbo: Oh. One more thing. Gee, I almost forgot what I came here to ask ya.
- Paul Gerard: Fortunately, you remembered.
- Miss Choy: Lieutenant, you forgot your fortune cookie.
- Lt. Columbo: To tell you the truth, ma'am, I could use some good news.
- [reads fortune]
- Lt. Columbo: "Cheer up. There is more than one fish in the sea." That's the kind I always get. Once, I would like it to say I'm gonna be rich and go away on a long trip. Just once.
- Lt. Columbo: That dim sum reminds me of the kind I used to have at home.
- Miss Choy: At home, Lieutenant?
- Lt. Columbo: Right around the corner from Chinatown was an Italian neighborhood. When I was a kid, I bet I had more eggrolls than I had cannelloni.
- Lt. Columbo: Oh, I do a little cooking, sir. Nothing fancy. Mrs. Columbo, she's a remarkable woman. She has lots of interests... but cooking isn't one of them. She gives me plenty of encouragement.
- Paul Gerard: I wanted you to have one last taste of Tokyo before you begin your tour of American restaurants.
- Kenji Ozu: They won't believe this when I send back the story. They think I'm eating hot dogs and grits.
- Eve Plummer: Have you ever eaten grits?
- Kenji Ozu: No, not yet.
- Eve Plummer: Don't bother.
- Lt. Columbo: Well, this is quite a coincidence. I had no idea you were here.
- Paul Gerard: Would you care to join me?
- Lt. Columbo: Well, I'm really not hungry, sir. I just polished off three mushrooms stuffed with crab meat, but I'll join you anyway. If you're anything like me, you're not too crazy about eating alone.
- Paul Gerard: Have you eaten?
- Lt. Columbo: Ah, yes, sir. It seems I've been eating quite a bit lately. It's terrific.
- Kenji Ozu: Are you a lieutenant with the American Army?
- Lt. Columbo: Ah, no sir. Los Angeles Police.
- Eve Plummer: Homicide, right, Lieutenant?
- Lt. Columbo: That's right, ma'am.
- Kenji Ozu: Ah, there was a murder movie on the plane. Brilliant.
- Lt. Columbo: As I understand it, sir, you had a meeting with him yesterday, and I was wondering...
- [Columbo stops himself, looking at a dish on the counter, under glass]
- Lt. Columbo: Is that what I think it is? Is that galantine of duck?
- Max Duval: Yeah - this is MY galantine
- Lt. Columbo: You know I have read about these in cook-books but I have never actually seen one. And those pie-buttons are they real truffles?
- Max Duval: Why of course! And the green mousse's are pistachios.
- Lt. Columbo: And there is another kind of green meat there, inside?
- Max Duval: Hm-mmh, ham!
- Lt. Columbo: It's a beautiful art...
- Paul Gerard: Always just one more. If you gave a photographer 20 lashes, he'd still ask for just one more.
- Lt. Columbo: You switched the openers again, but I switched the glasses. That's the poisoned glass, sir, the glass I was supposed to drink.