Heaven Can Wait (1978)

Warren Beatty: Joe Pendleton

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Joe Pendleton : We don't care how much it costs, do we? We just care how much it makes. And if it costs too much, we charge a penny more. We make it part of the game plan. Would you pay a penny to save a fish who thinks?

• Mr. Jordan : Joe, you must abide by what is written.

  Joe Pendleton : She loves me, Mr. Jordan!

  Mr. Jordan : Joe, you must abide by what is written.

• Joe Pendleton : Do I... play Polo?

  Sisk : Not really, sir.

• Joe Pendleton : Oh hey, by the way, I'm getting a divorce!

  Betty Logan : [in disbelief]  But you and your wife aren't even separated.

  Joe Pendleton : Oh, sure we are. It's a big house!

• Betty Logan : You know, even when I was really trying to hate you, I couldn't help seeing something else. Something...

  Joe Pendleton : What?

  Betty Logan : ...In your eyes. Does that sound silly?

  [Joe shakes his head] 

  Betty Logan : When you see something like that, it doesn't matter what a person looks like, or who they are, or anything.

• Joe Pendleton : I'm not supposed to be here.

• Joe Pendleton : It's alright. There's nothing to be afraid of.

• Joe Pendleton : Now do you believe me, Max? Please say you believe me. Please? Max? They don't have a football team in Heaven, so God couldn't make me first string.

  [to Mr. Jordan] 

  Joe Pendleton : He doesn't believe me, Mr. Jordan.

• Sisk : [recurring theme]  And now for your hat, sir. Will you wish the homburg, or the bowler, sir? Perhaps something that makes a bit more of a statement.

  Joe Pendleton : Uh... I... whatever you say. Sisk, why do you think I got so many of these sailor outfits?

  Sisk : Well, sir, you have always fancied the sea.

  Joe Pendleton : Uh-huh. Do I sail?

  Sisk : Not really, sir.

• Joe Pendleton : Abbott? Abbott? There's a trainer for the Rams named Max Corkle. Could you call lhim tomorrow and ask him to come over and see me?

  Tony Abbott : [from behind the bedroom curtains after a long pause]  Yes, Mr. Farnsworth.

  Joe Pendleton : Thank you. Good night.

  Julia Farnsworth : You idiot. You idiot! Why did you answer him?

  Tony Abbott : I couldn't resist. His will is too strong.

• Max Corkle : You be the trainer and I'll start on Sunday.

  Joe Pendleton : I'm starting against Dallas? What about Jarrett?

  Max Corkle : They don't want to go with Jarrett. They want to go with you. Happy Birthday, Joe!

• Max Corkle : [whilst training Pendleton in the spacious mansion grounds]  Don't you understand? You're playing football with a bunch of butlers! We're in the Super Bowl. This isn't going to work!

  Joe Pendleton : Don't worry about it. I fixed all that.

  Max Corkle : How?

  Joe Pendleton : I bought the Rams.

• Joe Pendleton : I'm not really Leo Farnsworth.

• Max Corkle : What's in this brown stuff?

  Joe Pendleton : Oh, that's just mainly whipped liver.

  Max Corkle : Liver?

  Joe Pendleton : Yep. I put a little whey in it. And then I mix it up with a little alfalfa sprouts and some bean curd and I put some spinach mold in it too. It's nice, isn't it? It's a liver and whey shake.

• Joe Pendleton : Let's be the team that makes the rules! Let us be the team that plays fair, gets the best contract. Let's be the popular players. We're just going to have to forget about all these nuclear power plants until we find out if they're safe. And that refinery in Pagglesham, we're just going to have to relocate it. Sure, it'll cost us $35 million, but we don't care, because we're going to come out ahead in the long run. And whatever it is that stuff we're making containers of, that plastic, we'll have to stop until we find out what it is. We're not in here for just one game, are we fellas? We're in here to go all the way. Now, lets get to the Super Bowl guys! And when we get there, let's already have won! Okay?

• Joe Pendleton : Sisk! Everett! Bentley! Whip up a liver and whey shake. Right away!

• Sisk : [offering a plethora of hats]  Which hat would you prefer, sir?

  Joe Pendleton : Oh, uh - Look, I don't want to wear a hat. I'm sick of hats. Don't show me any more hats, understand?

  Sisk : [bewildered]  Yes sir.

• Betty Logan : What is it?

  Joe Pendleton : This isn't what I thought was going to happen to me.

• Joe Pendleton : We can porpoises?

• Betty Logan : Why are you looking at me like that?

  Joe Pendleton : I'm just memorizing your face. I want to memorize everything about you so no matter what happens, I won't forget you.

  Betty Logan : Well, what's going to happen?

  Joe Pendleton : Nothing's going to happen. You'd never forget me either, would you? I mean, that thing you said you saw in me. You said it was something in my eyes, remember? Well, if some day somebody came up to you, he might even be a football player, and he acted like he'd seen you before, you'd notice that same thing, wouldn't you? Ore even if you thought you did, you'd give him a chance, wouldn't you? He might be a good guy. He could be anybody. He could even be a quarterback.

  Betty Logan : I don't understand what you're saying.

  Joe Pendleton : Ah, I'm just acting crazy.