The Frisco Kid (1979)
Gene Wilder: Avram
Photos
Quotes
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Avram : [Trying to catch a wild 'chicken'] Chicken, chicken, chicken! Chickie-chickie-chickie-chicken! Come here,
[sing-songs]
Avram : I don't want to hurt you, I just want to eat you.
[repeats in Yiddish, 'chicken' flies away]
Avram : Come here, wait! I don't want to hurt you! I just want to make you kosher!
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[Tommy and Avram are in a saloon, where Tommy is sawing away at a huge steak, but Avram is too depressed to eat]
Tommy : Now, look. You go up and change, and then we'll go together and we'll tell your people that the new rabbi's arrived. All right?
Avram : I told you that I can't be a rabbi.
Tommy : [Tommy hurls a piece of bread at him] Don't you tell me that. Just don't say that again. Not after what I've been through to get your goddamn ass here alive. If you hadn't have shot that man, then we'd both be dead. Do you understand that, you ignorant asshole? You do understand that? He was gonna kill you and then he was gonna kill me, am I right? When you shot that son of a bitch, that was not a sin. Then what the hell are we talking about?
Avram : When those men were shooting at you, I ran to save the Torah.
Tommy : So? I understand that. You're a man of God. I understand that.
Avram : I wasn't thinking about God. I didn't do it because of God. I don't know one thing about God. I was thinking about a book. I cared more for a book than I did for my best friend. I don't know if you can understand that. I don't want to insult you. But do you understand what I mean? I chose a piece of paper instead of you!
Tommy : But I forgive you.
Avram : I know that you do.
Tommy : But you're a good man!
Avram : I am a good man. I am. But I'm not a rabbi.
Tommy : Don't say that!
Avram : Tommy, I'm not a rabbi.
Tommy : Don't say that! You are a rabbi. I'm a bank robber. I'm a card player and a whoremonger. That's what I am. You are a rabbi. You can fall in the mud, you can slip on your ass, you can travel in the wrong direction. But even on your ass, even in the mud, even if you go in the wrong direction for a little while, you're still a rabbi! That's what you are!
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Avram : [to Matt Diggs] This is a very big country. I'll tell you what I think is the best thing. I'll take San Francisco; you take the rest of America. And if you ever come back to this place again, I don't think you're gonna get off so easy.
[He hands back Matt's gun]
Avram : Now, get the hell out of here. Would somebody please show this poor asshole the way out of town?
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[Samuel Bender, his daughter Rosalie, and other members of the Jewish community enter the saloon, looking for their new rabbi. Rosalie points out the table where Tommy and Avram are sitting. Since Tommy is wearing a fine new suit, Bender approaches and begins welcoming him to town, in Yiddish]
Tommy : Huh?
[Bender continues in Yiddish; Rosalie gazes dreamily at Avram]
Tommy : What's he talking about? What's he talking about?
Avram : He wants to know if you're the rabbi.
Tommy : [amused] Me?
[Wealthy Mr. Bender and his affluent associates look back and forth between Tommy and Avram, frowning, because Avram is dressed in ordinary Western working clothes]
Tommy : You tell him.
Avram : I'm the rabbi.
Samuel Bender : [looking him up and down with contempt and disbelief] You're the rabbi? Funny, you don't look like a rabbi.
Avram : I just traveled three thousand miles across this country.
[He pulls his bandanna from his neck]
Avram : And I was thanking my best friend
[he pulls off his dusty coat]
Avram : for getting me here alive. My name is Avram Belinsky, and I come from a small village in Poland.
[He pulls on his black rabbi coat]
Avram : And don't you judge people by their appearance!
[He yanks off his cowboy hat, revealing his yarmulke]
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[Tommy and Avram look out over the Pacific Ocean]
Tommy : Well, cuz, we made it. It was just like I told you. Right at that big tree; then left for a couple days; sharp right; and then straight as piss till you come to the ocean.
Avram : Who would have dreamed it could be so simple?
Tommy : Yeah. You don't know me the next time you see me, I'm gonna kick your ass all the way back to Poland.
Avram : Why wouldn't I know you? You going away someplace?
Tommy : Well, yeah. This is where we say goodbye, Avram.
Avram : What do you mean?
Tommy : Well, you follow that beach for a day and a half, you'll be in San Francisco. You don't need me no more.
[Avram can't believe what he's hearing]
Avram : Where are you going?
Tommy : Well, I'm going that way.
[He points]
Tommy : Sutter's Mill. That's where the gold is.
Avram : But I don't want you to go.
Tommy : Well, I gotta go.
Avram : Why?
Tommy : Well, I got people to see. Banks to rob. You know. I gotta make a living.
Avram : Who's going to be the best man at my wedding?
Tommy : What do you mean? That's for one of your Jewish friends. You gotta pick your best friend for that.
Avram : [getting weepy] You... you *are* my best friend.
Tommy : I'm your best friend?
Avram : You're my only friend.
[Avram points to the back of his horse]
Avram : Now, listen to me, cuz. You keep your eyes on this tokhes, and don't you take them off till we get to San Francisco!
Tommy : I never had a best friend.
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Tommy : [Tommy sees Avram coming out of a Wells Fargo office] You did it, didn't you? You give 'em back the money?
Avram : Yep!
Tommy : Yep. Well, that ain't the American way. What's more, now you ain't got no money. Well, now what'cha gonna do?
Avram : Dunno.
Tommy : You don't know. Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get me a bath. Then I'm gonna get drunk. Then I'm gonna catch me a whore with great big tits. Then I'm gonna get drunk again. Then I'm gonna rob that Wells Fargo office and get me my money back, you dumb-ass Jew!
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Chief Gray Cloud : [in reference to Avram's god] What does he do?
Avram : He... He can do anything!
Chief Gray Cloud : Then why can't he make rain?
Avram : Because he doesn't make rain. He gives us strength when we're suffering. He gives us compassion when all that we feel is hatred. He gives us courage when we're searching around blindly like little mice in the darkness... but He does not make rain!
[Thunder and lightning begin, followed by a downpour]
Avram : Of course... sometimes, just like that, he'll change His mind.
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[Avram creeps up to the home of Mr. Bender, where Avram's intended fiancee lives, to leave the Torah at the door and sneak away. The younger daughter, Rosalie, unexpectedly opens the door]
Avram : Oy!
[She exclaims in surprise as he tumbles to her feet, then scrambles to stand up]
Avram : Howdy!
Rosalie : Hello. Uh, howdy.
Avram : [stunned by her beauty, he repeats himself] Howdy. How do? Uh, hello dere.
Rosalie : Do you want something?
Avram : Uh, well, um, do I want - No! Well. Goldang it, ma'am, my name is Tommy Lillard, and I come from the Texas. Uh, I come from Texas! And, um, excusing me if I gave you a little startle there. I was a little startled there for a second.
[Rosalie finds his clumsy attempts to hide his Yiddish accent rather endearing, so she plays along]
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[Avram pretends that he is a random cowboy, delivering the Torah to the Bender family as a favor to his friend the rabbi. Rosalie Bender thinks he's cute]
Rosalie : What do you want?
Avram : Um, well, I came to bring this thing here
[he pats the Torah]
Avram : for, eh, for Mr. Bender, iffen I got the right house, an' all.
Rosalie : You do. I'm his daughter.
Avram : Yeah, I know that.
[He remembers that he is not supposed to have seen her photograph before, much less carried it from Poland]
Avram : Oh! Oh, you're the daughter! You're the Bender daughter. Oh.
[He nods politely; he also looks her up and down surreptitiously]
Avram : Howdy!
Rosalie : [starting to be charmed by this awkward stranger] Would you care to come in?
Avram : Well, I would like to, but I, ah - thanks, no, because I got a friend waitin' at the saloon and, uh, my other friend, the rabbi, asked me to bring this here to you. I mean, bring this to your father.
Rosalie : What is it?
Avram : This thing? I, I don't know. I think it's some kind of Torah.
Rosalie : A Torah!
Avram : Yeah, I think that's what he called it.
Rosalie : [smiling] So where is he?
Avram : Who?
Rosalie : The rabbi!
Avram : Where is the rabbi? Oh - where is the rabbi? The rabbi. Well, I don't rightly know, ma'am. Um, the last time I seen him, I was bustin' my britches in the cat-house. And, um, my friend the rabbi asked me, iffen I should ever come Frisco way, would I drop by this house and do him this favor.
Rosalie : Oh.
Avram : Anyway, it was nice to, um, make your acquaintance, ma'am, and, um, I'd, uh...
Rosalie : Is something wrong?
Avram : No, no, no. No. It's just I didn't know that your eyes would be so brown.
Rosalie : [She laughs in astonishment] How would you know that?
Avram : How would I know that? Ha ha ha! How would I know that, that's right! How would I know that? I couldn't know that. Well, I'd, uh, I'd better get going. I hate to keep my sidewinder waitin'. So, I'll just give you that to give to, uh, to give to your father, and I'll say goodbye.
Rosalie : Just wait, wait. Papa!
Avram : No, no, no, don't call the papa! I'd, uh, I'd really better get my ass outta here. So, thanks, and adios for everything!
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[last lines]
[Avram lifts Rosalie's veil to kiss his bride]
Avram : [voiceover] I've crossed rivers, and I've climbed high mountains, and I've, I was captured by wonderful Indians. I did so many things. God has truly blessed me. And what's more, how many rabbis can say that they had a bank robber for a best man?
[Avram steps aside, and Tommy steps in to kiss the bride. Mr. Bender pushes him out of the way, laughing]
Samuel Bender : Mazel tov. Music, maestro, please!
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Chief Gray Cloud : I want him to dance with you. He is going to show you how his people dance.
Avram : Well? Ready on the tommies? Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, acht, and go! Everybody dance. Always with the left foot first. First we start slow. Then we're going to do some nice foot work. That's it. That's good with the hands. Watch that lady. I think that lady's a Jewish Indian. Just have a little fun and don't you worry what the neighbors are thinking... Watch the left foot. Try to keep in time with the other boys and girls. That's it! Just get a message from your feet. They are talking to you all the time. I'll tell you, if you could move the waist and the hips a little bit, you'll be very happy with the results. And walk toward the left, the left shoulder out. That's the way we do things in the old country. And hold on tight. Here we go...
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Avram : [voiceover] In the Talmud, it says "find thyself a teacher" and this I have done. However, there were times I feared that he would find another pupil.
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[repeated line]
Avram : Go, horsie!
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Darryl Diggs : Well, you pay the $50, you can have a seat with a cushion on it, can't he, Matt?
Matt Diggs : All the way.
Avram : I would share the cushion.
Darryl Diggs : Yowee!
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Chief Rabbi : I am the Chief Rabbi. I am the one who has to decide. So, cowboy, I am sending you to San Francisco.
Avram : Where is San Francisco?
Chief Rabbi : By New York.
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Avram : Come back! Come here, horsie! I'll be good to you. I'll be nice! I'll pick grass for you! I'll scratch your back! I'll give you a nice rub!
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Tommy : You got it straight?
Avram : Oh, sure. Right from this tree, I head straight north five or six weeks till I come to the flat country.
Tommy : Yeah.
Avram : Then I make a left for two days. That way I avoid the Indians. Then I cross the river and I make a sharp right, away from the mountains. Once I get to the desert, God willing, I just continue straight as piss till I come to the ocean. Take a left, keeping the ocean on my right shoulder, and just hot-tail it right into San Francisco.
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Tommy : Shee-it! Don't get no closer to that edge, rabbi!
Avram : What kind of word is dat?
Tommy : What word?
Avram : You always say "shee-it" at a certain moment.
Tommy : "Shee-it"? Well, that's, uh, that's, uh, what do you, uh - well, you must have a word in your language that you... What do you say when you get took by surprise?
Avram : Oy gevalt!
Tommy : Oy ga-vault?
Avram : Ya.
Tommy : That's it. That's what shee-it means.
Avram : [slaps his own cheek] Oy shee-it! Yeah, that makes sense.
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Avram : Simple as pie.
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Avram : What a wonderful place America is! There are no walls around these cities. You don't have to worry about the soldiers coming in from the next town and killing people. You know, I think this is the West. We're in the Wild West here. Just like the books I read in Poland. This is a wonderful city. They've got banks and restaurants. They've got merchants of all kinds here. And look at the people, how they're dressed. I tink those are cowboys. Howdy.
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Tommy : I ain't gonna let you talk me into this. It's just impossible! Every God damn Indian knows that! Every God damn trapper knows that! I know, you don't like it when I talk that way. But I'm telling ya, you ain't going to talk me into it this time!
Avram : Am I trying to talk you into anything?
Tommy : Good night! Have a nice trip.
Avram : Good night and tanks for everything you did for me - up until the time I needed you the most!
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Avram : Oy gevalt!
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Avram : It's difficult to explain that a Jew can't ride on a Saturday and, for a Jew, Saturday begins on Friday.
