Time Bandits (1981)
David Rappaport: Randall
Photos
Quotes
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Supreme Being : I should do something very extroverted and vengeful to you. Honestly, I'm too tired. So, I think I'll transfer you to the undergrowth department, brackens, more shrubs, that sort of thing... with a 19% cut in salary, backdated to the beginning of time.
Randall : Oh, thank you, sir.
Supreme Being : Yes, well, I am the nice one.
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Robin Hood : The poor are going to be absolutely thrilled. Have you met them at all?
Randall : Who?
Robin Hood : The poor.
Randall : The poor?
Robin Hood : Oh you must meet them. I'm sure you'll like them. Of course they haven't got two pennies to rub together but that's because they're poor.
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Kevin : I don't understand. What's so special about that map?
Randall : Well, this map, Kevin, used to belong to the Supreme Being.
Kevin : You mean you stole it?
Randall : Oh, no- well, sort of. Y'see, he used to be our employer. He made all the big stuff like Good and Evil, men and women, night and day, and we did trees and shrubs. We helped make all this.
Kevin : Whew! That's not bad.
Randall : Yeah. But did we get a thimble full of credit for it? No! All we got was the sack, just for creating the Pink Bunkadoo.
Kevin : Pink Bunkadoo?
Randall : Yeah. Beautiful trees that was. Og designed it, didn't you?
[Og nods]
Randall : Yeah. 600 feet high, bright red, and smelled terrible. Well, as a disciplinary measure, we were sent down to the repairs department.
Kevin : What?
Randall : [Hushed] Y'see, to be quite frank, Kevin, the fabric of the universe is far from perfect. It was a bit of a botch job, you see; we only had seven days to make it. And that's where this comes in; this is the only map of all the holes! Well, why repair them? Why not use 'em to get stinkin' rich?
Wally : Yeah, stinkin' rich!
[Holds up a bottle]
Wally : Lads, here's to stinkin' rich!
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Kevin : I'll never get the chance to meet Robin Hood again.
Randall : Oh, stop moaning. He's obviously a dangerous man, unbalanced if you ask me. Giving away what isn't even his!
Kevin : That's what Robin Hood always did. Even I know that.
Randall : Of course, you know it all.
Kevin : He was one of my heroes.
Randall : Heroes! Heroes! What do they know about a day's work?
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[the gang is confronted by Kevin, who they think is the Supreme Being]
Randall : Heh heh. We can explain everything, sir. It's not as bad as it looks. We... We just borrows the map and... Sort of got rather happy about it and... Ran off in high spirits.
[They laugh]
Kevin : Who are you?
Strutter : That's not Him.
Fidgit : That didn't sound like Him, did it?
Wally : It doesn't even look like Him!
Strutter : It isn't him!
Randall : Let's get him!
[They all pounce on Kevin]
Randall : Strutter, get his torch! Shine it right in the face.
[Strutter shines the torch full in Randall's face]
Randall : His face, dummy!
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Randall : You see, to be quite frank, Kevin, the fabric of the universe is far from perfect. It was a bit of botched job, you see. We only had seven days to make it. And that's where this comes in. This is the only map of all the holes. Well, why repair them? Why not use them to get stinking rich?
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Randall : [Kevin and the Time Bandits, booby-trapped and hanging upside down from a tree, are confronted by outlaws] Just leave it to me, Wally. You've just gotta treat them right, that's all. Waddaya want, you tatty-faced old scumbag?
Marion : What's your business, codfish?
Randall : Robbers!
Marion : Villainous robbers?
Randall : The worst!
Marion : Stop at nothing?
Randall : Nothing at all!
Marion : Steal the cup out' a beggar's hands?
Randall : Rather!
Marion : Teeth from blind old ladies?
Randall : Of course!
Marion : Toys from children?
Randall : Whenever we can!
Marion : Grrrrrrrr!
Randall : Arrrrrrrrrr!
Marion : Right! Cut them down!
Randall : They always crack in the end.
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Randall : [On the deck of the Titanic] I've got something to say to you, Kevin.
Kevin : Go away.
Randall : It's about the map.
Kevin : The map? I don't understand you, Randall, you've got something really brilliant like that and you're just wasting it.
Randall : I wouldn't call this exactly "wasting it".
[sips champagne]
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Randall : I told you, stick with me and you won't go far wrong.
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Strutter : [slaps Kevin] Get down, you nearly got us caught!
Randall : You silly fool, you could've ruined everything.
Kevin : Do you know where we are?
Randall : Shut up. Of course I do. 1796, Battle of Castiglione, see?
Strutter : [taps him] You sure we're not in somebody's bedroom?
Randall : Look,
[grabs Strutter]
Randall : do you want to be leader of this gang?
Strutter : No, we agreed: No leader!
Randall : Right. So shut up and do as I say.
[Strutter nods]
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Robin Hood : [Seeing the Bandits' haul] Crikey! I've been in robbing for years but I've never seen anything like this. Well, what can I say? Thank you. Thank you all very much indeed.
Randall : Oh don't men - What?
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Randall : Look, you and me, we've got a lot in common. Not like that lot. We like a risk. We like adventure! Well, this is it. This is the big one! No namby-pamby time holes here. We risk all. We win everything!