It Ain't Half Hot Mum (1974–1981)
John Clegg: Gunner 'Paderewski' Graham
Photos
Quotes
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Gnr Graham : [they are ordered to fight and defy the Sun] But the Sun isn't an anatomical entity, it's an inanimate object. How can we possibly fight it, Sergeant-Major?
BSM Williams : [mocking] How can we possibly fight it, Sergeant-Major? Let me tell you, Gunner La-De-Dah Graham, the British Army can fight anything! Intimate or not!
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BSM Williams : Right lovely boys, let's have a look. Oehhhhh, very good. Very artistic. Wait a minute. Gunner Graham?
Gnr Graham : Sir.
BSM Williams : Come here.
Gnr Graham : Sergeant-major.
BSM Williams : University education.
Gnr Graham : Yes, yes that's quite right Sergeant-major.
BSM Williams : How do you spell artillery?
Gnr Graham : A-R-T-I-L-L-E-R-Y
BSM Williams : No no. You spell it A-R-T art, I-L-L ill, A-R-Y ary. It's not artillery, it's artillary, artillary! I've been in this regiment 22 years, and I oughta know.
Gnr Graham : Probably you haven't seen it very often Sergeant-major, it's usually only the initials AR.
BSM Williams : You trying to make out I don't know how to spell it?
Gnr Graham : No I...
BSM Williams : SHUT UP!
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Rangi Ram : I shall put in telegram: "All postings cancelled. Whole area covered with Bubonic plague, and put into gelatine."
Gunner Graham : *Quarantine*.
Rangi Ram : Oh! Saab righty, Rangi wrongy.
Gunner 'Nobby' Clark : Rangi, gelatine's the thing they cut your head off with.
Gunner Beaumont : That's a guillotine, you berk!