- Whore: Hi, Tom. You wanna play carnival?
- Tom Spellacy: I don't know that one.
- Whore: I sit on your face,and you try to guess my weight!
- Tom Spellacy: [arrives at a nursing home to visit his mother] Mrs. Phil Spellacy, please. I know the way.
- Older Nun: You'll have to wait. She's receiving communion.
- Tom Spellacy: [pushing past the nun] May all your sons be Jesuits, Sister.
- Jack Amsterdam: You knew that whore and you didn't tell anyone. You're a priest, a priest. How's that going to look in the papers.
- Tom Spellacy: How's ma? Is she still eating with her fingers?
- Des Spellacy: Well, she says the early Christian martyrs didn't have spoons.
- Tom Spellacy: Tell her they didn't have Instant Cream of Wheat, either.
- Brenda's Trick: I paid for half and half. I should get half and half.
- Brenda Samuels: But you only did half.
- Tom Spellacy: I want you to get me a list of all people with the same M.O.
- cop on the phone: That's gonna take awhile, sergeant.
- Tom Spellacy: She was cut in two. Do you think it's an epidemic, like the flu?
- Frank Crotty: You know who we're going to pull in on this one? Panty sniffers, weenie flashers, guys who fall in love with their shoes, guys who beat their hog on the number 43 bus, What? Do you think I'm gonna lose any sleep over who took this broad out? Hmmm? Pissing strawberries and whipped cream, you think that she's a 9 to 5 stiff, Tommy? No overime! You know how we're gonna break this one? In a couple of years they'll bring in a guy who ran a red light. "I killed the girl, " he'll say. "What girl?" we'll say. "The girl - the girl with the rose tattoo on her ass," he'll say. "Which one is that?" we'll say.
- [laughs]
- Frank Crotty: That's how we're gonna break it.
- Howard Terke: How about it, Tom? Can you get your brother the monsignor to say a mass for this cunt? It'll make the front page.
- Tom Spellacy: Howard, we don't even know yet whether or not she was a Catholic cunt.
- Jack Amsterdam: Cut the crap. I don't have all day. It's been 20 years since my last confession. I had a lot of things to do.
- Mrs. Spellacy: Wouldn't it be grand if you had turned out to be a nun like the younger one?
- Des Spellacy: I'm a priest ma. I think I'm a priest.
- Mrs. Spellacy: And a swell one too!
- [Tom gives Des the rosary he took from the priest who died while in bed with a prostitute]
- Des Spellacy: He might have been there on a pastoral call.
- Tom Spellacy: When was the last time you hung your pants over the side of the bed while making a house call?
- Des Spellacy: I admit, that's not the way they teach you at the seminary.
- Tom Spellacy: Msgr. Spellacy's table, please.
- Headwaiter: I thought that Msgr. Spellacy would be dining with Mr. Amsterdam.
- Tom Spellacy: Well, you thought wrong, fuckhead.
- Tom Spellacy: [to receptionist after the intruder at Standard's office gets away] What do you do here?
- Girl: Me? I do great French.
- Dan T. Campion: Don't forget, you were with us when we met that girl.
- Des Spellacy: Yes, we *met* her. You *fucked* her.
- Tom Spellacy: [Talking to Des about their father to Des] One thing the old man never missed was a wake. Good booze and plenty of it!
- Des Spellacy: [In the cofessional] I'm your confessor.
- Jack Amsterdam: [Indignantly] You're my confessor, but you wheel and deal out there!
- Des Spellacy: Yeah, but you're in here.
- Tom Spellacy: [Feeling a twinge of conscience after slapping Brenda] I'm sorry about that.
- [after a pause]
- Tom Spellacy: Okay?
- [after another pause]
- Tom Spellacy: You know my temper.
- Brenda Samuels: I need you like I need another fuck.
- Tom Spellacy: [Talking about the priest's heart attack death in the brothel] How long was he here?
- Lorna Keane: It was the second one that did it.
- Brenda Samuels: [Referring to the dead priest in her brothel] Heart attack while he was committing a mortal sin!
- Brenda Samuels: It's nice to have somebody to say goodbye to. Who have I got, uh, the Lieutenant Governor? What, am I gonna do, call him up and say, "hey remember me, you used to be a regular"?