Thu, Dec 26, 1985
The balloon crashes and the airmen end up back at the café, disguised by moose heads. General von Klinkerhoffen assumes control of the whole area, thereby making many enemies. The Resistance hate him for obvious reasons but Colonel von Strohm, Captain Geering and Herr Otto Flick of the Gestapo also feel undermined by his presence. Therefore, at a party he is organizing to mark the Kaiser's birthday, plans are made to kill him, involving poison - in the pill by the till in the jug with the drug - and dynamite hidden in a birthday cake - the candle with the handle in the gateau from the chateau. The poison actually turns out to be aspirin and the candle seems likely to explode and kill everybody so René tips a bucket of sand over it, explaining to von Klinkerhoffen that it was done as a respectful gesture to mark the Kaiser's burial.
Fri, Dec 19, 1986
Waitress Maria is sent to Gruber with the genuine painting in order for him to copy it. However, she is intercepted by von Klinkerhoffen who puts the painting, inside the sausage, in his wardrobe and refuses to release Maria until he gets his lawn mower motor back. René, von Strohm, Geering and Flick, using the secret passages, break into the chateau to steal back the painting.
Mon, Dec 14, 1992
René and the Café staff prepare to welcome the invading British troops, and soon find that the invasion party includes a couple of old friends. Lieutenant Gruber and the Colonel are ordered by the General to stay and fight the invaders, rather than surrender. However, seeing as their defeat is almost certain, the two German officers decide to go AWOL, disguised in stolen British uniforms. The second half of the episode is set many years after the war ends. Gruber, the Colonel and Helga, now private German citizens, return to their old French garrison in search of the old friends they made there.
Thu, Dec 30, 1982
World War II is raging, but in the French village of Nouvion, café owner René Artois wants only a quiet life, plus some slap and tickle with his waitress Yvette behind his sour wife Edith's back. To this end, he keeps in with two German officers who are regular café patrons, Kurt von Strohm and Hans Geering. He is therefore alarmed when Michelle of the Resistance declares his house a safe house for two British airmen who have been shot down and who don't speak a word of French. He is also to host Roger Leclerc, a forger and old flame of his mother-in-law Fanny, who was sprung from jail by the Resistance but, due to a misunderstanding, mistakes Hubert Gruber, a German officer who turns out to be gay and fancies René, for the forger. Geering and von Strohm discover the hidden British airmen, but when Herr Otto Flick of the Gestapo arrives, they agree to help. This is because Flick is after a favourite painting of Hitler's, "The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies," which they wish to keep for themselves. To this end, they give their uniforms to the escaping airmen.
Fri, Jan 9, 1987
As René communicates with London on the radio hidden under Madame Fanny's bed Herr Flick listens in and learns of the plan to dig the tunnel into the prison camp. The airmen and Monsieur Alfonse need help in digging so René and his staff join in. Colonel von Strohm and Captain Geering follow René and go through the tunnel, which collapses behind them, trapping them and René in the camp with the airmen and the café staff. General von Klinkerhoffen is about to make his inspection of the prisoners but the Germans and the girls are disguised as British servicemen and fool him.
Sat, Oct 29, 1988
The generals gather for the conference but the Resistance learn that one is a French collaborator and must be eliminated so Mimi poisons him and Crabtree takes his place. The duck which will carry the message to England escapes and is shot by Bertorelli but the rest of the plan goes ahead. Edith causes a diversion by offering the generals a curiously strong peppermint each which is a doctored pill which has them foaming at the mouth and requires them to go to hospital. Rene then takes a photograph of the plans using a camera concealed in a 'flip-up' apron. Flick meanwhile has Helga fitted for her - leather -wedding dress.
Fri, Oct 5, 1984
General von Klinkerhoffen of the German High Command is to arrive in Nouvion by train. Von Strohm and Geering are not keen to see him as he will find out about their incompetence and allow themselves to assist the Resistance in blowing up his train. The General survives and various suspects are arrested but ultimately only René is identified as a saboteur and is sentenced to be shot. Various people try to help him escape from prison but in vain. However, as Gruber prepares to supervise the execution von Strohm substitutes harmless wooden bullets for the lethal real ones.
Fri, Oct 5, 1984
René's funeral is to be arranged by the village undertaker Monsieur Alfonse. Herr Flick, along with his girlfriend, Private Helga, will be watching on the off-chance that the mourners will include other Resistance members who can then be arrested, but the plan is leaked so that Monsieur LeClerc will pose as the priest and no Resistance members will attend. René himself is passed off as his twin brother, also called René, come to pay his respects. In the absence of a body, Michelle hides some anti-tank mines that she has been given in the coffin but of course it falls off the hearse, causing an explosion.
Mon, Nov 25, 1985
Michelle saves René's skin and his reputation by telling Alfonse that he is a heroic member of the Resistance. Alfonse thus has too much respect for him to kill him. However René is in drag, which gets him more attention from Gruber. Flick has imprisoned von Strohm and Geering and also captures René, planning to torture them to reveal what happened to the painting. Fortunately von Klinkerhoffen stops him as he has more influential connections than Flick in the German high command. The airmen are taken to the balloon dressed as mourners in a fake funeral for Madame Fanny who has allegedly died of the plague.