Broadcast News (1987)

Albert Brooks: Aaron Altman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Aaron Altman : Ok, I'll meet you at the place near the thing where we went that time.

• Tom Grunick : What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?

  Aaron Altman : Keep it to yourself.

• Aaron Altman : Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive? If "needy" were a turn-on?

• Aaron Altman : I know you care about him. I've never seen you like this about anyone, so please don't get me wrong when I tell you that Tom, while being a very nice guy, is the Devil.

  Jane Craig : This isn't friendship. You're crazy, you know that?

  Aaron Altman : What do you think the Devil is going to look like if he's around?

  Jane Craig : God!

  Aaron Altman : Come on! Nobody is going to be taken in by a guy with a long, red, pointy tail! What's he gonna sound like?

  [hisses] 

  Aaron Altman : No. I'm semi-serious here.

  Jane Craig : You're seriously...

  Aaron Altman : He will be attractive! He'll be nice and helpful. He'll get a job where he influences a great God-fearing nation. He'll never do an evil thing! He'll never deliberately hurt a living thing... he will just bit by little bit lower our standards where they are important. Just a tiny little bit. Just coax along flash over substance. Just a tiny little bit. And he'll talk about all of us really being salesmen. And he'll get all the great women.

• Aaron Altman : A lot of alliterations from anxious anchors placed in powerful posts!

• Aaron : Here's a good one. They allow us to have cameras at an execution in Florida. Do you broadcast tape of the guy in the chair when they turn on the voltage?

  Martin Klein : Sure.

  Jennifer Mack : Why not?

  Ernie Merriman : Absolutely.

  George Wein : You bet.

  Aaron : Nothing like wrestling with a moral dilemma, is there?

• Aaron Altman : And if things had gone differently for me tonight, then I probably wouldn't be saying any of this. I grant you everything. But give me this: He personifies everything that you've been fighting against. And I'm in love with you. How do you like that? I buried the lede.

• Aaron Altman : I think we have the kind of friendship where if I were the devil, you'd be the only one I would tell.

• Aaron Altman : Six years from now, I'll be back here with my wife and two kids. And I'll see you, and one of my kids will say, "Daddy, who is that?" And I'll say it's not nice to point at single fat women.

• Jane Craig : People called in complaining about your sweating?

  Aaron Altman : No, NICE calls, worried that I was having a heart attack.

• Aaron Altman : And in the middle of all this, I started to think about the one thing that makes me feel really good and makes immediate sense... and it's you.

  Jane Craig : Oh, Bubba.

  Aaron Altman : I'm going to stop right now. Except that I would give anything if you were two people, so that I could call up the one who's my friend and tell her about the one that I like *so much*!

• Aaron : I say it here, it comes out there.

• Blair Litton : Oh, you think anyone who's proud of the work we do is an ass-kisser.

  Aaron Altman : No, I think anyone who puckers up their lips and presses it against their bosses buttocks and then *smooches* is an ass-kisser.

  Blair Litton : My gosh... and for a while there I was attracted to you.

  Aaron Altman : Well, wait a minute, that changes everything!

• Martin Klein : OK. What about this? Here's a tough ethical one. Would you tell a source that you loved them? Just to get some information?

  Aaron Altman : Yes.

  George Wein : Yes.

  Ernie Merriman : Me too.

  Jennifer Mack : Sure.

  George Wein : You bet.

  Aaron Altman : Jennifer didn't know there was an alternative.

• Aaron Altman : [singing (and reading)]  I can sing while I read, I am singing and reading both.

• [Playback on monitor] 

  Reluctant Interviewee : Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Can you use that?

  Aaron Altman : Depends on how slow a news day it is.

  [Reacting to the playback] 

  Jane Craig : I can't believe you said that!

  Aaron Altman : I'm very proud of that.

• Jane Craig : Bastard! Sneak! Quitter!

  Aaron Altman : [cheerfully]  Speaking!

• Aaron Altman : If anything happens to me, you tell every woman I've ever gone out with I was talking about her at the end. That way they'll have to reevaluate me.

• Aaron Altman : [on the air]  120 people were reported injured, at least 22 people died.

  [someone shots "commercial", now Aaron's off the air] 

  Aaron Altman : I wish I were one of them.

• Jane Craig : No, no, no it wasn't just the speech, the same thing happened with this guy. I have passed some line, some place. I am beginning to repel people I'm trying to seduce.

  Aaron Altman : He must've been great looking...

  Jane Craig : Why do you say that?

  Aaron Altman : Because nobody invites a *bad* looking idiot up to their bedroom.

• Aaron Altman : I think I better be alone for awhile.

  Ernie Merriman : I understand. I'll go with you.

  Aaron Altman : Thanks.

• Aaron : [as Arnold Schwarzenneger]  See ya in da lobbies.

• Tom Grunick : I'm going to miss you. You're a prick in a - great way. You know what I mean.

  Aaron Altman : No, I liked how that made me *sound*.

• Aaron Altman : Sorry... sex, tears... this must be the news.

• Aaron Altman : Just how noticeable is this, huh?

• Aaron Altman : Can you name all the members of the cabinet?

  Tom Grunick : OK, let's drop it.

  Aaron Altman : What?

  Tom Grunick : I mean, I am not gonna take a test for you. I mean, if that came up in conversation...

  Aaron Altman : We're conversing. 'Oh no, the names of the cabinet have slipped my mind. Say, do you know them?' OK, don't name them for me. Just tell me if you know.

  Tom Grunick : Yes, Aaron, I know the names of the cabinet.

  Aaron Altman : OK. All 12?

  Tom Grunick : Yes!

  Aaron Altman : There's only 10.

  Tom Grunick : You're feeling good, aren't you?

  Aaron Altman : I'm starting to, yeah. Hey, we may do capitals of the states next.

  Tom Grunick : 50, right?

• Aaron Altman : Pretty peppy party pal.

• Aaron Altman : Let's never forget, we're the real story, not them.

• Aaron Altman : Hi, Elli. Remember me? I've been to your house...

  Ernie Merriman : And Aaron was on that 14-day rafting trip we took.

  Elli : Oh, yeah...

  Aaron : It was raining... I had a hood on...

  Elli : Oh, yeah!

  [Aaron smiles and walks away] 

  Aaron : She remembers me!

• Aaron Altman : You really blew the lid off of nookie

• Aaron Altman : Can I watch the news?

• Aaron Altman : Can you believe it? I just risked my life for a network that tests my face with focus groups.

  [Jane Laughs] 

  Aaron Altman : I don't feel good.

• Aaron Altman : The pointers were great, I'll study the tape.

  Tom Grunick : Just remember that you're not just reading the news, you're narrating it. Everybody has to sell a little. You're selling them this idea of you, you know, you're sort of saying, trust me I'm, um, credible. So when you feel yourself just reading, stop! Start selling a little.

• Aaron Altman : Jane Craig

  [handing the phone to Aaron Altman so he can speak with Tom Grunick] 

  Aaron Altman : "Don't say anything about anything."

• Aaron Altman : I figured out why it is I'm so hung up on getting a chance at weekend anchor. It's because if I do it well, then they'll pay me more and my life will be great and they'll treat me better. That's why.

  Jane Craig : Sounds like you may be on to something.

• Aaron Altman : I feel like I'm slipping. But, do people who are actually slipping feel that way or is it always the really good people who are moving up who invariably think they're slipping because their standards are so high?

• Aaron Altman : What are you doing? Don't touch me.

  Tom Grunick : [adjusting Aaron's suit jacket]  Sit on it.

  Aaron Altman : No, but, just don't handle me.

  Tom Grunick : Sit on it.

  Aaron Altman : I'm sitting on it!

• Aaron Altman : You look like - this porcelain thing. You look *beautiful*. You look beautiful. That's gorgeous!

• Aaron Altman : Ah, damn - those fucking jerks - they want to fire me.

  Ernie Merriman : All I know is that they got to fire a large number of people - and they're not even going by seniority. There's a recklessness in the air.

• Aaron Altman : Ernie said you're lucky if you can get out when you can still cry. Which means I should have quit this place three years ago.

• Aaron Altman : I'm not really mad. I'll miss you, we'll talk, we'll always be friends, we'll get hot for each other every few years at dinner and we'll never act on it, okay?

• Aaron Altman : You can't end up with Tom because it goes totally against everything you're about.

  Jane Craig : Yeah, being a basket case.

• Tom Grunick : It's nice to see you.

  Aaron Altman : Hey, congratulations on history's longest winning streak.