Daffy Duck's Quackbusters (1988)
Mel Blanc: Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny, Butler, J.P. Cubish, Porky Pig, Birdbath Owner, Asylum Collector, Drunk, Coyote, Sylvester, Tweety, Mr. Hyde, Hugo the Abominable Snowman
Photos
Quotes
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Count Bloodcount : I am a vampire.
Bugs Bunny : Oh, yeah? Well, abracadabra, I'm an umpire.
[an umpire uniform appears on Bugs]
Count Bloodcount : Hocus-pocus!
[turns into a bat]
Count Bloodcount : I'm a bat!
Bugs Bunny : Okay, I'm a bat, too. Abracadabra!
[turns into a baseball bat]
Count Bloodcount : [puts glasses on] You wouldn't hit a bat with glasses on, would you?
[Bugs as the baseball bat hits the bat on the head]
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Porky Pig : [after Sylvester wrestles a stuffed moose that's trying to shoot Porky Pig] Sy-sy-sylvester! What are you trying to do, wake everybody in the house? Of all the screwball ideas. Fighting with stuffed animals.
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Melissa Duck : [being possessed] Ou-yay upid-stay erk-jay!
[Pig Latin for "You stupid jerk"]
Daffy Duck : And I thought French was a romantic language!
Melissa Duck : Mary had a little lamb...
[turns into a demon]
Melissa Duck : [being possessed] But I *ate* it!
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Daffy : Just call Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny and Porky Pig, paranormalists at large. Spooks spooked, goblins gobbled, UFOs K.O.ed, aliens alienated, vampires evaporated, and monsters remonstrated.
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Daffy Duck : Well I'm here, what've I missed? Massacre started yet? Fireworks going off? Balloon going up?
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Bugs Bunny : Well what do ya know! He melted. He really was a snowman!
Daffy Duck : Abominable, that is.
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Daffy Duck : Oh Bugsy! Bugsy buddy!
Bugs Bunny : Oh hi, uh, what's up, Duck?
Daffy Duck : Come here old pal, hm?
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : [picks up Bugs Bunny] My OWN little bunny rabbit, d'oy.
Bugs Bunny : Hey! An abominabuble snowman!
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : I will name him George, and I will hug him, and pet him...
Daffy Duck : Oh sure, I know I'm a louse, but I'm a live louse.
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : And I will give him security! And I will keep him warm like a mother hen, so he will never feel rejected or lack for love.
Daffy Duck : Poor old Bugs. But, anyway you look at it, it's better HE should suffer. After all, it was me or him, and obviously it couldn't be me. It's a simple matter of logic. I'm not like other people, I can't stand pain, it hurts me.
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Daffy : [trying to sell a car] Right this way, folks, right this way! It's a bargain! Step right up and get yourself a brand new Dolorian! No household should be without one! Just $60,000 in three easy weekly installments. Yes sir, these little babies are selling like hotcakes! Plus, there's a free gift pack of ice-cold Billy Beer with each and ever purchase!
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Butler : [answers door] Yeeeessss?
Daffy Duck : Your troubles are over, Jeeves! Leave me to your stricken master.
Butler : Be gone!
Daffy Duck : Can't go in, huh?
Butler : Eeh, no.
Daffy Duck : Ohwell, no hard feelings, shake.
[shocks Butler with hand buzzer, squirts him with flower, hits him in the face with a cigarette box, and tickles him]
Butler : [laughing] Oh oh, you can see him, you can see him! Right this way.
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Daffy Duck : It all adds up. You and the upstairs maid, 'do the old boy in' you said, 'elderberry wine and old lace' you said, 'then, the quick getaway' you said. Champagne nights, tropical music and a heavy bank account!
Butler : No no!
Daffy Duck : Yes yes! But you weren't clever enough, were you John, alias Johnny, alias Jack, alias Jackie? Whew! What's Humphrey Bogart got that I ain't got?
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Bugs Bunny : [sees a bat, mistaking it for another big mosquito] Another one?
[sprays it]
Bugs Bunny : They ought to spray this place.
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Bugs Bunny : [sees a vampire bat] Golly, what big mosquitos they do have around here.
[gets a flyswatter]
Bugs Bunny : Hold still you little devil,
[swats the bat]
Bugs Bunny : there!
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Daffy : [to Porky] Head on down to the Superstitious Mountains, and do some more snooping.
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Daffy Duck : Alright, what's holdin' up the works. What's all the... the... huh.
[sees Abominable Snowman]
Daffy Duck : Aaahh!
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : D'oh! What a cute little pink bunny rabbit.
[picks up Daffy]
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : Just what I always wanted. My own little bunny rabbit! I will name him George, and I will hug him, and pet him, and squeeze him.
Daffy Duck : I'm not a bunny rabbit.
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : And pat him, and pet him, and...
Daffy Duck : You're hurting me... put me down, please.
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : And rub him, and caress him, and...
Daffy Duck : I AIN'T NO BUNNY RABBIT!
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : Not a bunny rabbit, George? Then how come you have long ears, how come?
Daffy Duck : Long ears? Ooh!
[laughs]
Daffy Duck : Those aren't ears, those are sleeves! So, now put me down, please, huh?
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : Oh George... you were naughty to pretend you was a bunny rabbit. I will punish you good. Bad old George!
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Bugs Bunny : Ok Abom, here's your bunny rabbit.
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : D'oya... bunny rabbit... George?
Daffy Duck : Bunny rabbit, me?
Bugs Bunny : Yes, you, Doc.
Daffy Duck : Ho ho, very funny, ha ha, very droll. Hey, shorty! What do you consider to be the distinguishing characteristics of a rabbit?
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : D'oy... distinguishing... character...
Daffy Duck : Yeah, yeah, what makes a rabbit look like a rabbit?
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : Why, d'uh, d'uh, long ears!
Daffy Duck : And whom around here has long ears?
[to Bugs]
Daffy Duck : Sorry to hafta do this to ya, bud.
Bugs Bunny : [ties ears down around face] Eh, don't give it a second thought.
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : [picks up Daffy] Oh boy! Just what I always wanted! My own little bunny rabbit! I will...
Bugs Bunny : They really do make a charming couple.
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : ...and pet him, and squeeze him, and rub him, and stroke his bill, and rub his pretty feathers... Hey, wait a minute. Bunny rabbits don't have feathers and bills.
Daffy Duck : I know, I know.
[pointing at Bugs, who is tunneling away]
Daffy Duck : There's goes your bunny rabbit!
Hugo the Abominable Snowman : Hey, uh, George, wait!
[tunnels after Bugs]
Daffy Duck : Ho ho, look out, bunny rabbit! This I gotta see.
[tunnels after Bugs and Hugo]
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Count Bloodcount : [escorting Bugs to a bedroom in the castle] This is your room.
Bugs Bunny : Yeah, sure, Doc, but I don't want a room, I just want a telephone.
Count Bloodcount : [putting Bugs to bed] Rest first; telephone tomorrow. Rest is good for the blood.
Bugs Bunny : [yawns] Well, I am a little "fati-gued".
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[a knock is heard outside the door]
Daffy Duck : A-ha! It's the door! Opportunity knocks!
[the ghost of Cubish chuckles, but Daffy shrugs it off. He then opens to find Egghead with a singing telegram]
Egghead : Telegram for Mr. Daffy Duck...
[guffaws]
Egghead : from the Cheapskate Savings and Loan.
[blows on his harmonica, then pulls out the telegram]
Egghead : [sings] We're sorry, but we must confess / Your rent's not paid, you're in a mess.
[breaks the fourth wall]
Egghead : It's amazing. Vacate to a new address / You can't stay here / You're dispossessed. / Good evening, friends!
[breaks the fourth wall again]
Egghead : It's unbelievable.
-
[Daffy frantically runs to his Acme safe, but upon opening it, he's sees that it's now completely empty except for some cobwebs and a sign that reads YOU LOSE, DUCK! Your Generous Benefactor J.P. Cubish, meaning that the ghost of J.P. Cubish has depleted Daffy's entire inheritance due to the latter's greed and failure to provide a service to the community; The Merrie Melodies closing theme plays]
Daffy Duck : [slams the safe shut; devastated] I'm finished. Strapped. Kaput!
