The Comic Strip Presents (TV Series)
Mr. Jolly Lives Next Door (1988)
Rik Mayall: Dreamy Time Escort
Photos
Quotes
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Nicholas Parsons : What is this game?
Dreamytime Escort : [drunkenly] Well, these are the rules.
Nicholas Parsons : Yes?
Dreamytime Escort : I go out of the room.
Nicholas Parsons : Yes?
Dreamytime Escort : Then...
Nicholas Parsons : Yes?
Dreamytime Escort : I come back in.
Nicholas Parsons : Yes?
Dreamytime Escort : You got that?
Nicholas Parsons : Yes.
Dreamytime Escort : Right. I'll go first.
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Dreamytime Escort : God bless Heimi Henderson.
Dreamytime Escort : Living above an off-license, what could be better?
Dreamytime Escort : Living in one?
Dreamytime Escort : You're right. We must become a lot more friendly with Heimi Henderson.
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Dreamytime Escort : What's Mr Jolly got that we haven't got?
Dreamytime Escort : Our bloody Fairy Liquid.
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Dreamytime Escort : I wish I hadn't shat my pants!
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Nicholas Parsons : What exactly was your winning slogan?
Dreamytime Escort : Never, ever, bloody anything ever!
Nicholas Parsons : And that was your winning slogan?
Dreamytime Escort : That's the one, Nicky. I've lived my life by that rule.
Nicholas Parsons : "I would like to spend an evening with Nicholas Parsons because...never, ever, ever, bloody anything ever"?
Dreamytime Escort : You're pissed, aren't you, Nicholas?
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Dreamytime Escort : Morning, Ralph, how's the fluffy toy business?
Mr. Jolly : Who the bloody hell are you, what fluffy...Oh, brilliant, yeah.
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Dreamytime Escort : Well, that's Fattie's money out of the window.
Dreamytime Escort : And Fattie.
Dreamytime Escort : Well, it's his own fault. You shouldn't play "let's see who can fall out of the window the best" when you're drunk.
Dreamytime Escort : Not on the 18th floor, no.
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Dreamytime Escort : All I'm saying is that one advertisement in the Times saying, "What are you doing this weekend, fancy getting drunk?" won't work. You've got to put the telephone number!
Dreamytime Escort : But we know the telephone number!
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Policeman : Are you drunk, sir?
Dreamytime Escort : Of course I am, I'm out of my bloody mind, I've just spent three thousand quid in there.
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Dreamytime Escort : So, Nicholas. I suppose you spend most of your time opening supermarkets and heliports, these days.
Nicholas Parsons : Well, yes. You... You know how it is. As a matter of fact tomorrow I am opening an off-license.
Dreamytime Escort : [both Dreamytime Escorts stare at Nicholas] You're opening an off-license?
Nicholas Parsons : Yes, an off-license.
Dreamytime Escort : GOD! Imagine being so important you can open an off-license!
Dreamytime Escort : And we're with him right now, aren't we Nicky baby?
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Dreamytime Escort , Dreamytime Escort : Escorts, bescorts - Come in if you're saucy!
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Dreamytime Escort : [answering phone] Dreamytime Escorts! Ah-ha...ah-ha...er, ah-ha...yeah, ah-ha...ah-ha-ha-ha-ha...ah-ha, ah-ha-haa...ah-ha...ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...ah-ha...ah-haa-haa-haa...errr...okay!
[hangs up]
Dreamytime Escort : What was that?
Dreamytime Escort : Wrong number.
[they sigh]
Dreamytime Escort : Only joking! It's an engagement for this morning, ten o'clock. A Mr Yakimoto.
Dreamytime Escort : Oh God. Another French bastard.
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Dreamytime Escort : One thousand, five hundred and seventy four gin and tonics please Monica.
Dreamytime Escort : LARGE ones.
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Dreamytime Escort : [cut to scene mid-conversation] ... and she said "Well, I don't think you're a fishmonger. I think you've done a plop in the wrong lavatory."
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Dreamytime Escort : Are you sure you haven't got a bar in this place?
Policeman : Yes, sir.
Dreamytime Escort : Well what's that alcohol smell then?
Sir Larry : Embalming fluid.
Dreamytime Escort : BARMY fluid! Right, I'll have some of that, then.
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Dreamytime Escort : Oh look, a traditional old English illegal drinking establishment. Oi squaw, squaw, over here.
[to the client]
Dreamytime Escort : I think you're gonna like it here mate, we're regulars, you know. Hey Monica, get home alright the other morning?
[Both escorts laugh dirtily]
Monica : What are you talking about? What d' you want?
Dreamytime Escort : Well I think we'll indulge in two massive gins, please Monica. Nothing for the French geezer.
[to the client]
Dreamytime Escort : Sorry mate, you have to be a member.
[to Eddie]
Dreamytime Escort : Well I think we're gonna have a very nice time here.
Dreamytime Escort : I think we are.
Dreamytime Escort : Yeah.
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Dreamytime Escort : Oh my God! Get me out of here. Get me out of here quick before I shit my pants
[farting noise]
Dreamytime Escort : Too Late!