This late-eighties Australian inclusion to the slasher cycle is famous mainly for being the most widely panned of all of the hack and slash entries. It even manages to out-trash utter trashola like Home Sweet Home and the abysmal Voyeur.com in the bad review stakes. Considering the 'quality' of those aforementioned movie nightmares, being that poorly received is quite a considerable achievement. Perhaps Houseboat's only saving grace is the fact that it has become so immensely rare to fans of the genre outside Melbourne, that most of us have more chance of buying the winning lottery ticket than actually seeing the damn thing. With that said, I must admit that its mystifying disappearance has indeed given the picture something of an alluring edge. I am 'fortunate' enough to be one of the few that actually own this rarity of a mishap on VHS and therefore feel a certain moral commitment to share my views on whether it's actually as bad as its reputation would lead you to believe.
The hackneyed plot is a pure cut and paste amalgamation of two of its biggest American brethrens: Friday the 13th and The Burning. You can almost picture Ollie Martin standing in front of his full-length mirror and imagining that he actually was Sean S. Cunningham circa 1980! Director Grant Evans (Alan Dale) has been giving the job of shooting a music video for a struggling local rock band. He has chosen the location of Lake Infinity as a backdrop for his creation and before long his crew, the gang of musicians and their rowdy groupies are floating aboard the Houseboats of the title. Unfortunately for the youngsters, they decide to settle in the location where many years ago a group of actors were mysteriously torched and a young child was horrendously disfigured. Have you worked it out yet? Thought as much. Yes, it's no surprise when almost as soon as they arrive, the motley crew begins to fall prey to the frazzled hands of an unseen maniac - Ho-hum indeed. The rest of the story goes exactly where you'd expect it too as the crispy killer makes short work of the outrageously mulleted cast members
To be fair, Houseboat Horror starts commendably with an atmospheric (and gory) murder and chase sequence that is plagued only by the fact that the comical young actress can't resist flickering her eyelids when she's supposed to be 'dead'. She effectively set the cheesy tone of the feature not only with her failings in playing death, but also with her pre-demise cheery chatter, which is sparked with the classic line: "Awww Gee thanks for the lift!" The real hilarity is caused by her inexplicably over-the-top accent, which would make the residents of Ramsey Street blush in shame. And talking of Ramsey Street, who could fail to mention that one of the beer swilling, woman pressing rebel rousers is none other than Alan Dale, who is of course most famously known as Jim Robinson from Neighbours. Old Helen Daniels would be turning in her grave if she witnessed his loutish shenanigans, which include swearing prolifically and racing his car on the wrong side of the road. What a rebel! Even more surprising is the fact that his former neighbour (for want of a better word) and equally frumpy pudding faced goody-goody, Harold Bishop (Ian Smith) also expressed his dark side in another cheesy throwaway named Body Melt. Neither actor returned to the horror genre, which I'm sure was an easy decision for the pair to make. The choice between 'acting' besides mega-babes to the quality of Kylie Minogue, Natalie Imbruliga and Holly Valance and 'acting' besides a gang of talentless unattractive brain-starved strumpets is surely no real choice at all!
The flaws begin piling up when we're introduced to the cast of no-hopers, who manage to break records in the speed that they will begin clawing at the strings of your patience. Fifteen minutes into the feature you'll be preying for a couple of The Burning's 'raft sequences', so you can witness five or six of the poorly dramatised losers getting splattered simultaneously. Unfortunately, this Jason Voorhees wannabe is nowhere near as creative as good old Cropsy, so you'll have to watch the numb-skulls getting slaughtered one by one extremely S-L-O-W-L-Y. In fairness, the murders are without a doubt the film's gory highlight, simply because they boast some tacky yet surprisingly rewarding gore effects. They also include a couple of murderous devices that are rarely seen in slasher cinema (Harpoon, flamethrower and how could I forget the horseshoe?) The chance of seeing Jim Robinson get his head split in half with a giant machete is an occasion that I found simply too irresistible to miss.
Houseboat Horror certainly isn't fine art, but for all its nonsensical amateurism it does at least manage to provide a few bad movie giggles. The back cover boldly boasts the inclusion of a 'pop hit', which once heard is side splittingly rancid at best (titled "Young Cool and Groovy" no less). Or what about the hero who manages to go toe to toe with the maniac five minutes after he's been almost chopped in half by a machete? And I can't forget when the same character is first confronted by the hulking killer and goofs, "Awww p**s off!" I could go on all day, but instead I'll leave you with a choice slice of dialogue that I believe sums up this whole movie experience perfectly. When one of the bit part extras asks one of the mulleted moppets if his brain is in repeat mode, he answers boldly "Nah, just a little retarded" I couldn't have put it any better myself
The hackneyed plot is a pure cut and paste amalgamation of two of its biggest American brethrens: Friday the 13th and The Burning. You can almost picture Ollie Martin standing in front of his full-length mirror and imagining that he actually was Sean S. Cunningham circa 1980! Director Grant Evans (Alan Dale) has been giving the job of shooting a music video for a struggling local rock band. He has chosen the location of Lake Infinity as a backdrop for his creation and before long his crew, the gang of musicians and their rowdy groupies are floating aboard the Houseboats of the title. Unfortunately for the youngsters, they decide to settle in the location where many years ago a group of actors were mysteriously torched and a young child was horrendously disfigured. Have you worked it out yet? Thought as much. Yes, it's no surprise when almost as soon as they arrive, the motley crew begins to fall prey to the frazzled hands of an unseen maniac - Ho-hum indeed. The rest of the story goes exactly where you'd expect it too as the crispy killer makes short work of the outrageously mulleted cast members
To be fair, Houseboat Horror starts commendably with an atmospheric (and gory) murder and chase sequence that is plagued only by the fact that the comical young actress can't resist flickering her eyelids when she's supposed to be 'dead'. She effectively set the cheesy tone of the feature not only with her failings in playing death, but also with her pre-demise cheery chatter, which is sparked with the classic line: "Awww Gee thanks for the lift!" The real hilarity is caused by her inexplicably over-the-top accent, which would make the residents of Ramsey Street blush in shame. And talking of Ramsey Street, who could fail to mention that one of the beer swilling, woman pressing rebel rousers is none other than Alan Dale, who is of course most famously known as Jim Robinson from Neighbours. Old Helen Daniels would be turning in her grave if she witnessed his loutish shenanigans, which include swearing prolifically and racing his car on the wrong side of the road. What a rebel! Even more surprising is the fact that his former neighbour (for want of a better word) and equally frumpy pudding faced goody-goody, Harold Bishop (Ian Smith) also expressed his dark side in another cheesy throwaway named Body Melt. Neither actor returned to the horror genre, which I'm sure was an easy decision for the pair to make. The choice between 'acting' besides mega-babes to the quality of Kylie Minogue, Natalie Imbruliga and Holly Valance and 'acting' besides a gang of talentless unattractive brain-starved strumpets is surely no real choice at all!
The flaws begin piling up when we're introduced to the cast of no-hopers, who manage to break records in the speed that they will begin clawing at the strings of your patience. Fifteen minutes into the feature you'll be preying for a couple of The Burning's 'raft sequences', so you can witness five or six of the poorly dramatised losers getting splattered simultaneously. Unfortunately, this Jason Voorhees wannabe is nowhere near as creative as good old Cropsy, so you'll have to watch the numb-skulls getting slaughtered one by one extremely S-L-O-W-L-Y. In fairness, the murders are without a doubt the film's gory highlight, simply because they boast some tacky yet surprisingly rewarding gore effects. They also include a couple of murderous devices that are rarely seen in slasher cinema (Harpoon, flamethrower and how could I forget the horseshoe?) The chance of seeing Jim Robinson get his head split in half with a giant machete is an occasion that I found simply too irresistible to miss.
Houseboat Horror certainly isn't fine art, but for all its nonsensical amateurism it does at least manage to provide a few bad movie giggles. The back cover boldly boasts the inclusion of a 'pop hit', which once heard is side splittingly rancid at best (titled "Young Cool and Groovy" no less). Or what about the hero who manages to go toe to toe with the maniac five minutes after he's been almost chopped in half by a machete? And I can't forget when the same character is first confronted by the hulking killer and goofs, "Awww p**s off!" I could go on all day, but instead I'll leave you with a choice slice of dialogue that I believe sums up this whole movie experience perfectly. When one of the bit part extras asks one of the mulleted moppets if his brain is in repeat mode, he answers boldly "Nah, just a little retarded" I couldn't have put it any better myself
