What About Bob? (1991)
Bill Murray: Bob Wiley
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Leo Marvin : I want some peace and quiet!
Bob Wiley : Well, I'll be quiet.
Siggy : I'll be peace!
[Bob and Siggy burst into giggles]
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Dr. Leo Marvin : Are you married?
Bob Wiley : I'm divorced.
Dr. Leo Marvin : Would you like to talk about that?
Bob Wiley : There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't. My ex-wife loves him.
Dr. Leo Marvin : [pause] I see. So, what you're saying is that even though you are an almost-paralyzed, multiphobic personality who is in a constant state of panic, your wife did not leave you, you left her because she... liked Neil Diamond?
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Dr. Leo Marvin : You think he's gone? He's not gone. That's the whole point! He's never gone!
[Leo opens the door; there's Bob]
Bob Wiley : Is this some radical new therapy?
Dr. Leo Marvin : YOU SEE?
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Bob Wiley : [telling a joke] The doctor draws two circles and says "What do you see?" the guy says "Sex."
[everybody laughs]
Bob Wiley : Wait a minute, I haven't even told the joke yet! So the doctor draws trees, "What do you see?" the guy says "sex". The doctor draws a car, owl, "Sex, sex, sex". The doctor says to him "You are obsessed with sex", he replies "Well you're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"
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Bob Wiley : [speaking to workers in a mental hospital] It reminds me of my favorite poem, which is, "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic... and so am I!"
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[Leo has a rifle pointed at Bob]
Bob Wiley : What are we doing?
Dr. Leo Marvin : Death Therapy, Bob. It's a guaranteed cure.
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Bob Wiley : You ever hear of Tourette's syndrome? Involuntarily shouting profanity?
Dr. Leo Marvin : It's exceptionally rare.
Bob Wiley : Shit-eating son-of-a-bitch! Bastard, douche-bag, twat, numb-nuts, dickhead, BITCH!
Dr. Leo Marvin : Why exactly are you doing this?
Bob Wiley : If I fake it, then I don't have it.
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[first lines]
Bob Wiley : I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful... I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful... I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful...
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[Leo is strapping a bomb to Bob]
Dr. Leo Marvin : This is black powder, Bob. One teaspoon of this stuff can blow up a tree stump. There we go!
Bob Wiley : And, how much is this?
Dr. Leo Marvin : Twenty pounds worth.
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[talking to his fish]
Bob Wiley : Good morning, Gil. I said, good morning, Gil.
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Bob Wiley : [Privately conversing with the Marvin family on front porch about Dr. Marvin] We can't be expected to understand him. He is so far above us. We are like ropes on the Goodyear Blimp.
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Bob Wiley : Goodbye, rat-dick suck-nut!
Siggy : [upstairs] Bye, dog-pissing-barf!
Dr. Leo Marvin : [screams from the bottom of the stairs] Sigmund!
Bob Wiley : Later, testicle-head bosom-beaver!
[looks out the window]
Bob Wiley : Good Morning America's here!
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Bob Wiley : Isn't this a breakthrough, that I'm a sailor? I sail? I sail now?
Dr. Leo Marvin : Keep sailing, Bob!
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Bob Wiley : [to man on bus] Hi, I'm Bob. Would you knock me out, please? Just hit me in the face.
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Bob Wiley : Excuse me, Phil, but with these particular symptoms, is Prozac the right choice?
Lily Marvin : You think Prozac is a mistake?
Bob Wiley : Well, with this kind of manic episode, I would think Librium might be a more effective management tool.
Phil : You could be right. I'll rewrite the prescription.
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Bob Wiley : [riding in Leo's car, speaking as Leo drives] It was an interesting morning, fruitful. But it lacked the intensity that you and I generate together, the sparks that we get one-on-one. We just gotta figure out a way to work around your schedule. Could we work afternoons? Two to four? Three to five? Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday?
Dr. Leo Marvin : AHHHHHH!
[slams the brakes, gets out of the car, walks around, and opens Bob's door]
Bob Wiley : Are you saying you'd rather work mornings?
Dr. Leo Marvin : [nearly incomprehensible] GET OUTTA THE CAR!
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Dr. Leo Marvin : You understand, don't you? There's no other solution. You won't go away.
Bob Wiley : I will.
Dr. Leo Marvin : No, you won't. You're just *saying* you will! But then, after I don't kill you, you'll show up again. And you'll do something else to make everyone in my life think you are wonderful and I'm a schmuck. But I'm not a schmuck, Bob, and I'm not going to let you breeze into town and take my family away from me, just because you're crazy enough to be *fun*.
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Bob Wiley : [eating corn] Oh, Fay, this is so scrumptious. Is this hand-shucked?
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Bob Wiley : Well, I get dizzy spells, nausea, cold sweats, hot sweats, fever blisters, difficulty breathing, difficulty swallowing, blurred vision, involuntary trembling, dead hands, numb lips, fingernail sensitivity, pelvic discomfort.
Dr. Leo Marvin : So the real question is, what is the crisis, Bob? What is it you're truly afraid of?
Bob Wiley : What if my heart stops beating? What if I'm looking for a bathroom, I can't find it, and... my bladder explodes?
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Bob Wiley : [to himself] ... baby steps get on the bus, baby steps down the aisle, baby steps...
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Bob Wiley : [Leo is pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding after leaving Bob on the side of a road and is mumbling incoherently. Bob passes by in a pickup truck] Ahoy! Excuse me officer, can you make sure he's home by 7?
[Bob displays 7 fingers for the direction]
Motorcycle Cop : Hey, didn't I see that guy on TV?
[Motorcycle Cop tears off ticket for Leo, who then snatches it angrily]
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Bob Wiley : Baby step to four o'clock. Baby step to four o'clock.
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Bob Wiley : What if I'm looking for a bathroom, I can't find one, and my bladder explodes?
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[Last Lines]
Minister : Bob Wiley, would you have Lily Marvin to be your beloved wedded wife, to cherish and love till death do you part?
Bob Wiley : I do.
Minister : Lily Marvin, would you have Bob Wiley to be your beloved wedded husband, to cherish and love till death do you part?
Lily Marvin : [smiling] I do.
[Bob heaves a sigh of relief. Bob and Lily smile at one another]
Minister : If anyone wishes to express why these two shouldn't join together in matrimony... speak now, or forever hold your peace.
[the catatonic Leo jiggles his head and makes throaty sounds. No one notices, even Bob, who is looking around]
Minister : Then, By the power invested in me and the state of New York. I pronounce you, man and wife.
Dr. Leo Marvin : [suddenly stands up and shouts] NO!
Siggy : [excitedly shouts] Dad's back!
Anna Marvin : Daddy!
Lily Marvin : Leo!
Lily Marvin : [rushing over] Leo!
[the family surrounds the recovered Leo as everyone applauds]
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Dr. Leo Marvin : You do understand, Bob, don't you? There's no other solution. You won't go away.
Bob Wiley : Oh, yes I will.
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Bob Wiley : [during dinner] Fay, this is delicious. Mmm. Mmmmm.
Dr. Leo Marvin : Will you STOP that, please?
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Bob Wiley : I'm sailing! I'm sailing! I'm saaailing!
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Nursing Home Guard : Hey, you're Bob Wiley, aren't you?
Bob Wiley : [excitedly] Yeah.
Nursing Home Guard : I saw you on TV. You were great.
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Bob Wiley : Leo, I see salt and pepper... is there a salt substitute?