Barbarians at the Gate (1993 TV Movie)

James Garner: F. Ross Johnson

Photos 

Quotes 

• 1st Scientist : [talking about the smokeless Premier cigarette survey]  Well of all the people we surveyed the results were just about uniform

  F. Ross Johnson : Uh huh.

  Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : They all said they tasted like shit.

  F. Ross Johnson : Like shit?

  2nd Scientist : Shit was the consensus, yes sir.

  F. Ross Johnson : They all said that? Nobody liked them?

  2nd Scientist : Fewer than 5%

  F. Ross Johnson : You said you heard the results were terrific.

  Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : There's nothing wrong with 5%, Ross, I'll take 5% of the smoking market any day of the week

  F. Ross Johnson : How much are we into right now?

  1st Scientist : Right now?

  F. Ross Johnson : To date, to here, to now?

  1st Scientist : Upwards of 350.

  F. Ross Johnson : We've spent 350 million dollars and we come up with a turd with a tip? God almighty, Ed! We poured enough technology in this project to send a cigarette to the moon and we come up with one that tastes like it took a dump?

  Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : We haven't even talked about the smell.

  F. Ross Johnson : Oh what did they say that was like? A fart?

  Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : Yep.

  F. Ross Johnson : Oh you're not serious! They really said that?

  2nd Scientist : We have an awful lot of fart figures.

  F. Ross Johnson : Tastes like shit and smells like a fart! Got ourselves a real winner here, it's one goddamn unique advertising slogan I'll give you that.

• F. Ross Johnson : We're not talking just fuck you money. We're talking fuck *everybody* money.

• Laurie Johnson : [discussing the Premier cigarette failure]  You're sure Ross it's that bad?

  F. Ross Johnson : Trust me okay? We huffed and we puffed and we came up with a filtered Edsel. If I could I'd burn every last one of them except you can't even set fire to the fuckers.

• F. Ross Johnson : Well, that LBO stuff is way over my head. I just can't follow it, Henry.

  Henry Kravis : You don't have to. Bankers and lawyers work it all out.

  F. Ross Johnson : All I want from bankers is a new calendar every year and all I care about lawyers is they're back in their coffins before the sun comes up.

• F. Ross Johnson : You know the only number that means anything at all to me; one hundred and forty thousand. You know what that is Charlie? That's the exact number of people that bake and pack and ship and truck for us and the more this company winds up costing whoever winds up buying it the more those people are going to get the axe. That's all that's on my mind right now, not any of this macho bullshit that's got everybody slamming their dicks on the table.

• Kravis' Butler : Will you have a drink sir?

  F. Ross Johnson : Scotch and soda, no ice, no soda.

• F. Ross Johnson : People take winning for granted, sweetheart. You lose a few bucks for them they start looking at you like a virgin at an Aztec sacrifice.

• F. Ross Johnson : And what the hell's wrong with the draw? You need an extra set of lungs just to take a drag.

  1st Scientist : It is a little difficult.

  F. Ross Johnson : A little difficult?

  2nd Scientist : It's what we call the 'hernia effect'.

  F. Ross Johnson : Is that's what we call it? Well there's another great billboard for you. What do we do, give away a truss with every pack? WARNING - this cigarette can tear your balls off!

  Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : Their not so bad.

  F. Ross Johnson : Stop jerking off Ed. Who the hell would sneak into a john to smoke one of these. Wherever you light one up you're in the shit house and I'm beginning to get the same feeling myself.

• F. Ross Johnson : You don't think I'm being crucified and Henry Kravis just might own the nail concession?

• [Johnson and Ed talking by mobile phone, each in a company jet, flying very close together] 

  F. Ross Johnson : Did you see the hatchet job in 'Business Week'? RJR low stock price, tobacco company declining performance, executive extravagance. I love this: 'CEO F Ross Johnson routinely presses fifty dollar bills into the hands of wine stewards.'

  Edward A. Horrigan Jr. : I saw that.

  F. Ross Johnson : Fifty dollar bills! Jesus! It's been years since I tipped that little!

• 1st Scientist : If you light a Premier with a match instead of with a lighter the sulphur reacts badly with the carbon in the tip.

  F. Ross Johnson : Do we have to have the carbon?

  1st Scientist : That's what makes it smokeless.

  F. Ross Johnson : Well how we get it shitless?

• Ted Forstmann : That's why we have been sitting around, waiting, killing time choking on those new shit cigarettes?

  F. Ross Johnson : Where did you get a Premier?

  Nick Forstmann : There were some in the other office.

  F. Ross Johnson : Nobody's supposed to smoke those.

  Ted Forstmann : I don't think that will be a problem.

  F. Ross Johnson : Well they're still in development.

  Ted Forstmann : I sure as hell hope so!

• Henry Kravis : We pay off the debt in buying the company with cash from it's ongoing operation and by selling off pieces of the business.

  F. Ross Johnson : That's french for firing people isn't it, Henry.

  Henry Kravis : As few as possible of course.

  F. Ross Johnson : [pause]  A few dozen, ten thousand?

  Henry Kravis : [longer pause then softly]  As I said as few as possible.

  F. Ross Johnson : [pause]  I couldn't do that. I couldn't live with the fallout.

  Henry Kravis : I'd take care of that.

  F. Ross Johnson : Ya, I don't shave your face in my mirror every morning. All that aside I've never been a big fan of debt.

  Henry Kravis : Debt can be an asset. Debt tightens a company.

  F. Ross Johnson : It does wonders for the sphincter too.

• [how the book and then this film got it's title] 

  F. Ross Johnson : This thing with Henry might not work out at all.

  Ted Forstmann : Ross, don't you see this is our last chance. The bastards are at the city gates. Let's stand at the bridge together. Let's stand at the bridge and push the barbarians back!

  F. Ross Johnson : [pause]  Right. Give me a minute.

• F. Ross Johnson : Now, the problem is, you get guys like Henry as your partner and they're 2 miles up your ass with a power tool making sure you do things their way. You gotta see that part - makes Buckingham Palace look like Burger King. Nobody gets that rich letting anyone play Co-God with 'em.

• F. Ross Johnson : You know the three rules of Wall Street ? Never play by the rules, never tell the truth and never pay in cash. They earn their money the old-fashioned way, they steal it.

• F. Ross Johnson : If we try to outbid each other no matter who wins the company will be impossible to manage because the debt load would be crushing. Do you have a problem with that Peter?

  Peter Cohen : You're the boss but if we need a higher bid I can restructure the financing. There's other money around. Henry's not the only one with resources in this town.

  F. Ross Johnson : Is this your business sense talking or am I getting an earful of your ego?

• F. Ross Johnson : [Johnson and Kelly looking at one of Kravis' old master paintings]  The guy must have had a hell of a week.

  Don Kelly : [Kelly supplies name of painter]  Renoir.

  F. Ross Johnson : Ballpark?

  Don Kelly : 20, 30 million.

  F. Ross Johnson : [sarcastically]  Is that with the frame?

  F. Ross Johnson : [heading towards another painting]  Uh uh.

  Don Kelly : Monet

  [this painter's name, pronounced 'mo-ney'] 

  F. Ross Johnson : Yea right, tons of it.