Clerks (1994)

Gary Stern: Tabloid Reading Customer

Quotes 

• Randal Graves : So, your argument is that title dictates behavior?

  Dante Hicks : What?

  Randal Graves : The reason you won't let me use your car is because I have a title and a job description, and I'm supposed to follow it, right?

  Dante Hicks : Exactly.

  Tabloid Reading Customer : I saw one, one time, that said, "The next week, the world is ending." And in the next week's paper, they said, "We were miraculously saved at the zero hour by a koala-fish mutant bird." Crazy shit.

  Randal Graves : So, I'm no more responsible for my decisions here than, say, a Death Squad soldier in Bosnia?

  Dante Hicks : Oh, now, that's stretching it. You're not being asked to slay children or anything.

  Randal Graves : Yeah, not yet.

  [takes a drink of water] 

  Tabloid Reading Customer : And I remember this one time-

  [Randal spits water at him] 

  Tabloid Reading Customer : I'm going to break your fucking head! You fucking jerk-off!

  Dante Hicks : Sir! Sir, I'm sorry! He meant to hit me.

  Tabloid Reading Customer : Yeah, well, he missed!

  Dante Hicks : Yeah, I know. Here, let me refund your money, and we'll call it even, alright?

  Tabloid Reading Customer : I'll never come in here again.

  [to Randal] 

  Tabloid Reading Customer : And if I see you again, I'm gonnna break your fucking head open!

  [Randal salutes him as he leaves] 

  Dante Hicks : What the fuck'd you do that for?

  Randal Graves : Two reasons. One, I hate it when people can't shut up about the stupid tabloid headlines.

  Dante Hicks : Oh, Jesus!

  Randal Graves : And two, to prove a point. Title does not dictate behavior.

  Dante Hicks : What?

  Randal Graves : If title dictated my behavior, as a clerk serving the public, I wouldn't be allowed to spit water at that guy. But I did. So, my point is that people dictate their own behavior. Even though I work in a video store, I choose to go rent movies at Big Choice. Agreed?

  Dante Hicks : [gives Randal his car keys]  You are a danger to both the dead and the living.

  Randal Graves : I like to think I'm a master of my own destiny.

  Dante Hicks : Please, get the hell outta here.

  Randal Graves : You know I'm your hero.