The Pretender (1996–2000)

Michael T. Weiss: Jarod

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Miss Parker : Why did you save my life?

  Jarod : Because I still remember the little girl who gave me my first kiss.

• Jarod : Love transcends death. The people we love touch our lives, even after they're gone.

• Sandi : Are you telling me you've never been to a strip club before? You know, strange men cramming sweaty wads of cash into strange women's panties?

  Jarod : I think I would remember THAT.

• Jarod : Karma. Ain't it a bitch?

• Jarod : Topless?

  Sandi : What? You've never been in a strip joint before? Naked women swinging around metal poles, strange men cramming sweaty wads of money into strange women's panties?

  Jarod : I would remember something like that...

• Miss Parker : Maybe I should send you to every Y.M.C.A. in the country first. Or lock you in the Bates Motel with Sydney and Broots.

  Jarod : This is about that strip search in Las Vegas, isn't it?

• Jarod : [after asking the foreman about the sulfuric chloride]  One more question.

  Foreman : Shoot.

  Jarod : Valentine's Day. Specifically cupid.

  Foreman : Yeah.

  Jarod : A corpulent infant, who happens to be an archer, goes around shooting arrows into people and suddenly they're in love?

  Foreman : That's about it.

  Jarod : And to show that they love, people buy each other chocolate and other sweets? Do they want to be fat, like the infant?

• Dr. Jason Earl : Jarod, why don't you tell the group what brought you here?

  Jarod : A large cop with bad breath.

• [Sydney is on the phone with Jarod and Broots is trying to trace the call] 

  Broots : Keep talking. We've almost got him.

  [Jarod flips a switch on a box near his phone, causing a high-pitched sound to terminate any sort of trace to his phone] 

  Jarod : Tell Broots I discovered RadioShack.

• Jarod : I want to know who I am. And I'd rather die trying to find out than live not knowing.

• Claire : Jarod, if you ever wanta get together, pick each other's brains, little one-on-one...

  Jarod : Careful Claire, don't cross a line you can't come back from.

• Jarod : Here you go. Breakfast.

  Young Jarod : That isn't wheat grass and tomato juice.

• Jarod : Trust your inner sense, Miss Parker. I do.

• [Miss Parker's phone rings at 3:44 a.m., waking her up] 

  Miss Parker : What?

  Jarod : Oh, I intentially wake you in your deepest sleep phase and all I get is a lifeless 'what'?

• Jarod : You can only be a jinx if you believe in luck.

• Jarod : Get back to me, Sydney. I'm running late.

  Sydney : For what?

  Jarod : Justice.

• Jarod : You make the rules.

  Miss Parker : That's just the way I like it.

• Isaac Dexter : So, how long have you been a lawyer?

  Jarod : About... seven minutes.

• Kyle : [as he is dying in Jarod's arms]  I'm sorry, Jarod.

  Jarod : For what?

  Kyle : For everything.

  [Kyle's hand slips out of Jarod's and he dies] 

• Jarod : [about Kyle whose heart was transplanted into a young boy after his death]  Good for you, little brother. Good for you.

• Claire : The superior mind always has a way out: a tiny little door marked 'exit.'

  Jarod : Well maybe it's time to run for it.

• Tom Matthews : You up for a dogfight?

  Jarod : Me? I was born for this moment.

• Annie : So, you're a doctor *and* a lawyer?

  Jarod : And I'm working on Indian chief.

• Isaac Dexter : Actually, I offer a very valuable service. You'd be surprised how many cab drivers won't pick up a man in a dress.

  Jarod : Really? Why?

  Isaac Dexter : The truth is, I'd like to offer my services as your personal chauffeur.

  Jarod : No kidding! That's great! Now, you're sure you have a driver's license?

  Isaac Dexter : Don't worry, boss. You're in good hands. And I promise to be the perfect lady.

  Man, off camera : Hey, baby!

  Isaac Dexter : Up yours, pal!

• Jarod : [referring to the champagne Miss Parker is drinking]  That isn't good for your ulcer.

  Miss Parker : Neither are you.

• Jarod : [after Kyle saves him]  They said you were dead.

  Kyle : Not hardly, big brother.

• [upon seeing Lyle after Kyle has beaten him for kidnapping Jarod] 

  Jarod : Kyle, what happened to him?

  Kyle : He tripped and hit his head.

• Jarod : [as he rescues Kyle who is still unaware that they are brothers]  I'm Jarod.

  Kyle : Raines said Jarod was dead.

  Jarod : Not hardly.

• Jarod : What do you want?

  Mr. Lyle : Isn't it obvious? I want everything.