The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Mary Wickes: Laverne
Photos
Quotes
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Laverne : [to Quasimodo] Quasi, take it from an old spectator. Life's not a spectator sport. If watchin' is all you're gonna do, then you're gonna watch your life go by without ya.
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[Quasimodo is chained down, the gargoyles are encouraging him to free himself]
Hugo : Come on, Quasi, snap out of it!
Victor : Your friends are down there!
Quasimodo : [despondently and weakly] It's all my fault.
Laverne : [as she, Hugo, and Victor try tugging the chains] You gotta break these chains!
Quasimodo : [slightly indignantly] I can't. I tried. What difference would it make?
Victor : But you can't let Frollo *win*!
Quasimodo : [despondently again] He already has.
Hugo : [dropping the chains] Say, you're giving up? That's it?
Laverne : These chains aren't what's holding you back, Quasimodo.
Quasimodo : [snapping firmly] Leave me alone!
Hugo : [meekly] Okay. Okay, Quasi. We'll leave you alone.
Victor : After all, we're only made out of stone.
[he and Hugo turn to stone]
Laverne : We just thought maybe you were made of somethin' stronger.
[turns to stone]
Laverne : [pause; Frollo's voice drifts up from below]
Frollo : For justice, for Paris, and for her own salvation, it is my sacred duty to send this unholy demon... back where she belongs!
[he fires the kindling while the crowd indistinctly shouts in protest]
Quasimodo : *Nooooooooooooooo!*
[the chains snap taut, the bells resonate as the pillars Quasimodo is chained to break and fall]
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Hugo : What're you guys talkin' about? If I knew Esmeralda, she's three steps ahead of Frollo and well outta harm's way.
Quasimodo : [doubtfully] Do you really think so?
Hugo : Hey, when things cool off, she'll be back. You'll see.
Quasimodo : [puzzledly] What makes you so sure?
Laverne : Because she likes ya.
[ruffling Quasi's hair]
Laverne : We always said you were the cute one.
Hugo : [eating crackers and cheese] I thought *I* was the cute one!
Laverne : No, you're the fat, stupid one with the big mouth!
Hugo : Whatcha sayin', exactly?
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Laverne : [to the pigeons] Don't you ever migrate?
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Laverne : Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever.
Quasimodo : [gets up excitedly] You're right! I'll go!
[the gargoyles cheer as Quasimodo tells them what he'll do in preparation]
Quasimodo : I'll get cleaned up.
Hugo : Yes, sir!
Quasimodo : I'll stroll down those stairs.
Hugo : There you go!
Quasimodo : I'll march *through* the doors, and--
[walks straight into Frollo]
Frollo : Good *morning*, Quasimodo.
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Laverne : Quasi, what's wrong?
[patting Quasi on the shoulder]
Laverne : Wanna tell ole Laverne all about it?
Quasimodo : I... I just don't feel like watching the festival, that's all.
Laverne : Well, did you ever think of going there instead?
Quasimodo : Sure, but I'd never fit in out there. I'm not... normal.
Laverne : [patting Quasi's shoulder again] Oh, Quasi, Quasi, Quasi...
[to a flock of pigeons, who have landed on her shoulders and her nose]
Laverne : Do ya mind? I would like to have a moment with the boy, if it's all right with you!
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Quasimodo : Thanks for the encouragement, but you're all forgetting one big thing.
Hugo , Laverne , Victor : [shrugging their shoulders] What?
Quasimodo : My master, Frollo.
Hugo : Yeah.
Victor : Well, when he says you're forbidden from ever leaving the bell tower, does he mean *ever*, ever?
Quasimodo : *Never*, ever, and he *hates* the Feast of Fools! He'd be furious if I asked to go.
Hugo : [smiles slyly whist rubbing his hands together] Who says you gotta ask?
Quasimodo : Oh, no!
Hugo : Ya sneak out...
Laverne : It's just one afternoon.
Quasimodo : I-I couldn't.
Hugo : *And* ya sneak back in...
Laverne : He'll never know you were gone.
Quasimodo : [clasps his temple in his hands] And if I got caught?
Victor : Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.
Quasimodo : He might *see* me!
Hugo : [puts on a hooded cloak] You could wear a disguise, just this once. What Frollo doesn't know can't hurt ya.
Victor : Ignorance is bliss.
Hugo : [noogies Victor] Look who's talking.
Laverne : Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever.
Quasimodo : [beams and stands up] You're right! I'll go!
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Victor : Oh, but that poor Gypsy girl. I'm beginning to feel the worst.
Laverne : I know, but now don't you say anything to upset Quasimodo. He's worried enough already.
Hugo : Yeah, you're right. We'd better lighten up.
Victor : [as Quasi climbs down after ringing the bells] Sh-sh-sh! Here he comes.
Laverne : Now just stay calm.
Victor : Not a word.
Hugo : Easy does it.
Victor : Look stone-faced.
Quasimodo : [approaching the window] Any sign of her?
Victor : [Breaks down and weeps] Doh, it's a lost cause! She could be anywhere: in the stocks, in the dungeon, or on the rack! Oh God...
Laverne : [giving an A-OK sign] Nice work, Victor.
Quasimodo : No, he's right. What're we gonna do?
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Hugo : Hey-hey! There he is!
[He, Laverne, and Victor rush to cheer and applaud Quasi, who's walking back to the bell tower, glad to be rid of Phoebus]
Victor : Bravo, bravissimo! You ejected that tin-plated baboon with great panache!
Hugo : The *nerve* of him, snoopin' around here, trying to steal your girl.
Quasimodo : *My* girl?
Laverne : Esmeralda. Dark hair, works with a goat. Remember?
Hugo : Boy, I do! Way to go, lover boy!
Quasimodo : "Lover boy"? Oh, no, no--no, no!
Laverne : Aw, don't be so modest.
Quasimodo : Look, I appreciate what you're all trying to do, but let's not fool ourselves. "Ugliest face in all of Paris", remember? I don't think I'm her type.
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Phoebus : Achilles, sit!
[horse Achilles sits on the guard's face]
Brutish Guard : [muffled] Oh - whoa, get off me!
Laverne : [to the pigeons] Fly, my pretties! Fly, fly!
[cackles]
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Laverne : [singing] Call me a hopeless romantic but Quasi, I feel it.
Victor : [singing] She wants you so / Any moment she'll walk through that door.
Hugo , Victor , Laverne : [singing] For...
Hugo : [singing] A guy so swell.
Hugo , Victor , Laverne : [singing] A guy like you.
Hugo : [singing] With all you bring her.
Victor , Laverne : [singing] I tell you Quasi.
Hugo : [singing] A fool could tell.
Victor , Laverne : [singing] There never was.
Hugo : [singing] It's why she fell.
Victor , Laverne : [singing] Another, was he?
Hugo : [singing] For you-know-who.
Victor , Laverne : [singing] From king to serf to the bourgeoisie.
Hugo : [singing] You ring the bell.
Victor , Laverne : [singing] They're all a second-stringer.
Hugo , Victor , Laverne : [singing] You're the bell ringer! / When she wants ooh-la-la / And she wants you la-la / She will discover, guy / You're one heck of a guy / Who wouldn't love a guy like you?
Hugo : [singing] You got a lot / The rest have not / So she's gotta love a guy like you!
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Hugo : [singing] A guy like you she's never known, kid. / A guy like you a girl does not meet every day. / You've got a look that's all your own, kid. / Could there be two?
Hugo , Victor , Laverne : [singing] Like you? No way!
Hugo : [singing] Those other guys that she could dangle all look the same from every boring point of view. / You're a surprise from every angle. / Mon Dieu above, she's gotta love a guy like you.
Victor : [singing] A guy like you gets extra credit / Because it's true you've got a certain some thing more.
Hugo : [spoken] You're aces, kid!
Laverne : [singing] You see that face / You don't forget it.
Victor , Laverne : [singing] Want something new?
Hugo : [singing] That's you.
Hugo , Victor , Laverne : [singing] For sure!
Laverne : [singing] We all have gaped at some Adonis.
Victor : [singing] But then we crave a meal more nourishing to chew.
Hugo : [singing] And since you're shaped like a croissant is...
Hugo , Victor , Laverne : [singing] No question of, she's gotta love a guy like you!