The Man Who Knew Too Little (1997)
Bill Murray: Wallace Ritchie
Photos
Quotes
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Police Constable Cochrane : So what's the pay like then?
Wallace : They pay all your expenses, you're licensed to kill, but there's a down side.
Police Constable Cochrane : What's that?
Wallace : Torture.
Police Constable Cochrane : There's the women, though.
Wallace : Well, they're nice after the torture. Believe me.
Police Constable Cochrane : Not much of a car they've given you though, is it?
Wallace : Oh, it's a piece of crap! I've got an Aston Martin - had trouble with the surface-to-air missiles.. So, it's in the shop.
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Immigration Officer : How long will you be staying in this country, sir?
Wallace : That's a very good question.
Immigration Officer : Yes, I thought so, too.
Wallace : I'd like to see everything, but, not have people know I'm a tourist, you know.
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Lorelei 'Lori' : What are you? C.I.A., Mafia?
Wallace : Both.
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Wallace : Was that a tear? How do you people do it? Do you poke yourself in the eye? Or are you thinking right now "My dog is dead"?
Lorelei 'Lori' : What's the matter with you? Are you enjoying this?
Wallace : Enormously! "My dog... is dead".
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Wallace : She told me about the letters.
Gilbert Embleton : Letters? What letters?
Wallace : The letters. She told me about them. I know all about the letters. How do you think I know? She told me. That's how I found out.
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Wallace : Please don't call me by my real name, it destroys the reality I'm trying to create.
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Wallace : [after FINALLY clearing Customs] Which door's England?
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Boris 'The Butcher' Blavasky : Who you are working for?
Wallace : Blockbuster Video. Des Moines, Iowa.
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Wallace : [Wallace is being shot at] Time out! Time out! I got something in my eye, jagoff!
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Wallace : Yo matey, you just stabbed me with your pen.
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Hawkins : Spencer, did you flush?
Wallace : I think she's gonna do that, don't you, pal? I'll ask her. Lori!
Hawkins : [Quietly to Daggenhurst] He's talking to her!
Sir Roger Daggenhurst : She's still in the bowl?
Hawkins : Maybe he tried to flush her, but she floated back up!
Sir Roger Daggenhurst : Tell him to flush her! Spencer knows how to deal with floaters.
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Lorelei 'Lori' : You know, for half a second back there I thought I saw a real human being.
Wallace : Nobody asked me to be a human being.
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Wallace : [a constable asks Wallace to see his license after a high speed chase] No, you may not! But I do have this nifty communicator with which you can speak directly to my superiors.
Wallace : [On the communicator/cigarette case] Breaker, breaker, come on back to that big ol' HQ, come on back to me.
Sir Roger Daggenhurst : Who is this?
Wallace : This is Spencer.
Sir Roger Daggenhurst : So you're still using that name, are you?
Wallace : Well, I figured I would until 11:30.
Sir Roger Daggenhurst : [to his assistant] How he mocks us.
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Wallace : Sorry I get a little bit insensitive, but I'm a hitman!
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Wallace : I just kissed the girl I was with earlier and she's got lips like your sofa. Talk about big-car comfort. Wow! And it wasn't just a "kiss" kiss... I want to do this every single day I'm here. Either that was her tongue or she's got three lips.
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Wallace : Stay away from that phone!
[shoots phone]
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Wallace : [in a singsong voice] Gilbert's gone.
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[last lines]
Wallace : Is this working? Are you liking it?
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Barbara Ritchie : They might find him interesting, being in the film industry.
Wallace : Well, it's not exactly the film industry.
James Ritchie : It is and it isn't. It is!
Wallace : I'm with Blockbuster in Des Moines, Barbara.
Barbara Ritchie : So, you're not a Producer?
Wallace : No, not exactly. Not at all, really.
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Lorelei 'Lori' : Do I get a last request?
Wallace : You mean like a cigarette or something?
Lorelei 'Lori' : I had something more substantial in mind.
Wallace : A Cigar?
Lorelei 'Lori' : Now you're boasting.
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Barbara Ritchie : Wallace, won't you introduce us to your friend?
Wallace : Oh. Everybody, this is Lori. She's the defense minister's call girl.
Lorelei 'Lori' : Bastard!
[slaps Wally]
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Lorelei 'Lori' : Do you think I look silly in this outfit? I could take it off, if you'd like.
Wallace : Ahem. No. It's good silly.
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Wallace : I can help you.
Lorelei 'Lori' : Why would you do that?
Wallace : Because I'd much rather be a good guy.
Lorelei 'Lori' : You're not just acting?
Wallace : Well, we both are. In the Theater of Life, I mean.
Lorelei 'Lori' : I suppose we are.
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Lorelei 'Lori' : I feel sick. Do you think you trust me to go to the loo?
Wallace : The loo. Ha-ha-ha. Off to the loo with you.
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Wallace : You know, I'm helping you out, but, I'm not a completely good guy. There's something I want, and you're gonna have to let me do it.
Lorelei 'Lori' : It's like that, is it?
Wallace : I'm afraid so.
Lorelei 'Lori' : Typical man.
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Wallace : What about our story? Are we just a doomed couple? We have to be "Bonnie and Clyde"? Can't it be like "The Getaway"? Couldn't it be like that?
Lorelei 'Lori' : Could be.
Wallace : You're acting.
Lorelei 'Lori' : I'm not acting. Are you?
Wallace : Honestly. I can't act.
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Wallace : Are you a member of our Frequent Renters' Club?
Boris 'The Butcher' Blavasky : We would like to be.
Wallace : We have a two-night rental policy. If the tape stays out longer than that, you're not charged the extra $1.50 per night.
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Wallace : Lori, am I good, or am I good? He's done it again.
Lorelei 'Lori' : My God, you're good.
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Wallace : Let's get creative. I'm thinking for our opening season, Lori - as Juliet. Shakespeare in the Sand! You've got casting approval, okay? For your lead, Joan of Arc for our action people. I set you afire. You behead him, right? Experimental. Cats. Wait a second! With people. People as cats. Let's workshop.
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Wallace : Well, what about the money? We can't just rewrite the whole script, can we?
Lorelei 'Lori' : Can't we? Is the money so important?
Wallace : Oh, without the money, what the heck we got going on?
Lorelei 'Lori' : Less than I thought, obviously.
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Wallace : Why do you always have to go out the window? It's more dramatic, I guess.
Lorelei 'Lori' : Come on.
Wallace : It's kind of a Starsky and Hutch thing, isn't it?
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Boris 'The Butcher' Blavasky : Sometimes it's foolish to be so brave. You leave us no alternative. I will call Dr. Ludmilla Kropotkin. She will take care of you.
Wallace : The evil lady torturer? Ha, ha. Bring her in here!
Boris 'The Butcher' Blavasky : I think even perhaps you are not brave enough for taste of her medicine.
Wallace : I'm not ticklish.
Boris 'The Butcher' Blavasky : Uri, get the rubber sheets.
