There's Something About Mary (1998)

Chris Elliott: Dom

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ted : [referring to the zipper incident]  I never told you that.

  Dom : Well Christ, Ted, I was only four towns away.

• Dom : You choke the chicken before any big date, don't you? Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date. Oh my God, he doesn't flog the dolphin before a big date. Are you crazy? That's like going out there with a loaded gun! Of course that's why you're nervous. Oh my dear friend, please sit, please. Look, um, after you've had sex with a girl, and you're lying in bed with her, are you nervous? No, you're not, why?

  Ted : Cause I'm tired...

  Dom : Wrong! It's 'cause you ain't got the baby batter on the brain anymore! Jesus, that stuff will fuck you're head up! Look, the most honest moment in a man's life are the few minutes after he's blown his load - now that is a medical fact. And the reason for it is that you're no longer trying to get laid, you're actually... you're thinking like a girl, and girls love that.

• [Ted has just learned that Dom was Mary's high school boyfriend, for a short time, but now Dom wants to get Mary back for himself] 

  Ted : But you're married! You have a wife, beautiful kids!

  Dom : [rolls his eyes up to the ceiling]  Ted, if you love them so much, please, be my guest!

• Dom : Have you ever had a whitehead on your eyeball, Mary?

• Dom : Here you've been in therapy, you know, thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and really it turns out that getting your dick stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you.

• Ted : See... that's great. That's what I want. A family and somebody to... you know... it must be wonderful having all this.

  Dom : Each day is better than the next.

• Dom : [as Healy and Norm break into Mary's apartment to see Dom stealing pairs of her shoes]  Just one pair! You owe me that, you heartless bitch!