Mystery Men (1999)

Hank Azaria: Blue Raja

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Blue Raja : Sorry, but am I to understand you've inserted your father's skull inside of that ball for bowling?

  The Bowler : No, the guy at the pro shop did it.

• [the trio talks about recruiting more heroes for the team] 

  The Blue Raja : Well, there's The Sphinx, of course.

  Mr. Furious : The what?

  The Blue Raja : The Sphinx.

  The Shoveller : I know this guy. Big crime-fighter from down South. Big-league hitter down there.

  Mr. Furious : What's his power?

  The Blue Raja : Well, he's terribly mysterious.

  Mr. Furious : [dismissively]  That's it? That's his power? He's mysterious?

  The Blue Raja : Well, TERRIBLY mysterious.

  The Shoveller : Plus he can, like, cut guns in half with his mind.

• Mr. Furious : [talking about Carmine the Bowler]  Seems there was a little controversy there regarding your father's death.

  The Bowler : Yes, the police said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.

  The Blue Raja : You know, I've alwas suspected a bit of foul play there.

  The Bowler : As have I.

• Invisible Boy : [after becoming invisible for a moment and reappearing naked]  I'm invisible. Can you see me?

  The Blue Raja , The Shoveller , Mr. Furious , The Sphinx , The Bowler , The Spleen : Yes!

  Mr. Furious : Wow.

  The Blue Raja : Two hands there, son.

  [Invisible Boy covers up] 

  The Bowler : Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today.

• The Shoveller : If we had a billionaire like Lance Hunt as our benefactor... yeah, we could spend a hundred and fifty.

  Mr. Furious : That's because Lance Hunt IS Captain Amazing!

  The Blue Raja : Oh, here we go...

  The Shoveller : Don't start that AGAIN. Lance Hunt wears glasses. Captain Amazing DOESN'T wear glasses.

  Mr. Furious : He takes them off when he transforms...

  The Shoveller : That doesn't make any sense. He wouldn't be able to see!

• [the Mystery Men have accidentally killed Capt. Amazing] 

  The Blue Raja : Oh my god. Oh my god, we killed him.

  [the Shoveller is standing on the other side of the room] 

  The Shoveller : What do you mean *we*? I was standing right here.

• [Mr. Furious, the Blue Raja, and the Shoveller are sneaking across Frankenstein's property to undertake some reconnaissance] 

  Mr. Furious : Shh! Wait! Hear that? We must have hit a trip-wire. It could be a proton eviscerator heating up.

  The Shoveller : It could be a cybernetic atom scrambler. They target moving objects.

  The Blue Raja : It sounds more like a heat-seeking anthrax projection gun to me. Quickly, cover your mouths.

  Mr. Furious : No, let's bolt! Come on!

  The Shoveller : No! Don't move.

  The Blue Raja : Don't breathe!

  Mr. Furious : Let's bolt!

  The Shoveller : Don't move!

  The Blue Raja : Don't breathe!

  Mr. Furious : Let's bolt!

  The Shoveller : Don't move!

  [a sprinkler system turns on and the three are soaked] 

  The Shoveller : [disgustedly]  Ohh, it's the sprinkler.

• The Blue Raja : I say, what the fork! Let's do it!

• [Mr Furious recommends a publicist for him and his friends] 

  The Shoveller : What are we gonna publicise, Roy? The fact that we get our butts kicked, a lot?

  Mr. Furious : Well, maybe if you didn't smack me in the face with a shovel every time we went out, we'd have a few more victories to brag about.

  The Shoveller : All right now, I'm sorry about that. I just have a tendency to lose my concentration when I've got a salad fork stuck in my rear end.

  The Blue Raja : Oh, oh I get it, so YOUR shovel in HIS face is MY fault?

  The Shoveller : You threw a spoon at the guy, Jeff!

  Mr. Furious : Yeah, what was up with that?

  The Blue Raja : I, I, I am embarrassed about that. I thought it was a fork.

  The Shoveller : You're the master of cutlery. You couldn't throw a knife sometimes when someone's trying to kill me?

  The Blue Raja : No, I can't! You couldn't, uh, use a rake sometimes?

  The Shoveller : No. I'm the Shoveler.

  The Blue Raja : Well, I'm the Blue Raja. I'm not Stab Man, I'm not Knifey Boy - I'm the Blue Raja.

  Mr. Furious : Yeah, that's another thing...

  The Blue Raja : What?

  Mr. Furious : Well, you could work a little blue into the uniform somewhere. I mean you've got green, you've got this little flowery thing going on, but it's like everything BUT blue.

  The Blue Raja : Well, if we could just step out of our literal minds, just for a moment...

• The Blue Raja : May the forks be with us.

• [commenting On The Disco Boy's arsenal] 

  Mr. Furious : What? Guns? That's your power, you shoot guns?

  The Blue Raja : There's no theme at all here.

  Mr. Furious : Weak.

  The Blue Raja : At best.

  [a Disco Boy wields a pipe] 

  The Shoveller : And who are you supposed to be, the Disco Plumber?

  [they high-five each other] 

  Mr. Furious : See, you've got a chain, I would at least make it a gold chain. That's just off the top of my head.

  Mr. Furious : [to Tony C, referring to his outfit]  What's up, Tiger Lily?

  Tony C. : Top of your head, huh.

  [Tony C pistol-whips Furious] 

  Tony C. : [the Disco Boys proceed to beat the hell out of Furious, Blue Raja, and the Shoveller] 

• Tony P. : You guys never learn, do you?

  The Blue Raja : Apparently we don't, ass.

• The Blue Raja : All I'm saying is, when we split the cheque three ways the steak-eater picks the pocket of the salad-man.

• Blue Raja's mother : [the Blue Raja's mom walks in on him, in full costume, rummaging through her silverware drawer]  Jeffrey, what are you doing?

  The Blue Raja : Um, I was just, um, uh, um, I'm, uh...

  [shifts to British accent] 

  The Blue Raja : I'm a superhero, mother.

  Blue Raja's mother : A superhero?

  The Blue Raja : An effete British superhero, to be precise. I am pilfering your tableware because I hurl it. I hurl it with a deadly accuracy. The Blue Raja is my name. And yes, I know I don't wear much blue and I speak in a British accent, but if you know your history it really does make perfect sense. The point is, your boy's a limey fork-flinger, Mother. Hard to swallow, I know, but there 'tis. What will the bridge club think?

  Blue Raja's mother : You need more forks?

• The Blue Raja : Well, I'd better get going. I got a city to save.

  Blue Raja's mother : Jeffrey?

  The Blue Raja : Yeah.

  Blue Raja's mother : Do the accent.

  The Blue Raja : Oh. Uh, well...

  [shifts to British accent] 

  The Blue Raja : Well, I'd love to stay and chit-chat, Mother, but I fear I must away with me - our metropolis is in the clutches of madmen!

  Blue Raja's mother : Jeffrey?

  The Blue Raja : Yeah?

  Blue Raja's mother : Cheerio.

  The Blue Raja : Mother, I really should get going.

  Blue Raja's mother : Oh. Oh, okay.

  The Blue Raja : Thanks, Mom.

  [He hugs and kisses her before leaving] 

• The Blue Raja : I'm not StabMan, I'm not KnifeyBoy, I'm the Blue Raja.

  Mr. Furious : [referring to the Blue Raja's costume]  Yeah, that's another thing... why are you the Blue Raja? I mean, you've got green, you've got a little flowery thing going on, but it's like everything but blue.

• Mr. Furious : I'm a wannabe. I AM a wannabe - a TRUE wannabe, in the worst sense of... You guys are gonna have to go fight this battle without me.

  The Spleen : You start doubting your super-powers, man, you are SHAFTED!

  Mr. Furious : If I had any super-powers to doubt, I w... I guess I'd be in trouble, but I don't. What do I do? I don't. I don't. I go... What do I... I go 'R-r-r-r-r-r'!

  The Spleen : What? What are you talking about? You lifted a bus once!

  The Blue Raja : Yes, precisely! That story's legend'ry!

  Mr. Furious : Yeah... It was really more of a...

  [waves hand sideways] 

  Mr. Furious : ... a push, really, than a lift.

  The Blue Raja : That still takes INCREDIBLE super-human strength.

  The Blue Raja : Indeed, it does! To push an entire bus out of the way.

  Mr. Furious : Well, actually, the driver kinda had his foot on the accelerator... JUST in the beginning; just to get it going. Then it actually was me. But he kinda...

  The Blue Raja : Oh, shit.

• PMS Avenger : [at the tryouts]  PMS Avenger. I only work 4 days a month. Anybody have a problem with that?

  The Blue Raja , Mr. Furious , The Shoveller , Invisible Boy , The Spleen : [nervously]  No, no problem at all. That's good for us. Thank you.

• The Spleen : Where's Captain Amazing?

  The Blue Raja : There's been a bit of a cock-up, actually...

  The Bowler : Raja murdered him!

  [an argument starts] 

  Mr. Furious : Guys, I think we have a bigger fish to fry right now!

• The Blue Raja : ...I will fork-give you if you fork-get. Haha... who's next?