- Frances: Seriously, Mr. Marcus, the Supreme Court has declared that anal sex is to gay male sex what Mozart is to classical music.
- Mr. Marcus: Miss Turner, we are not here to discuss classical music. I myself am a huge Mozart fan, but...
- Frances: Look, the fucking Supreme Court has declared this natural. It is not obscene.
- Mr. Marcus: In case you haven't noticed this is not the Supreme Court. We're here in Customs and I have a job to do.
- Frances: We're just following orders, are we? Asshole.
- Mr. Marcus: From your perspective, that must be a compliment of Mozartian proportions.
- Maggie: You're not bi-sexual, Carla - you're omni-sexual! You're like that tornado in the Wizard of Oz, sweeping up everything in your path.
- Mr. L.B. Marcus: The books have been classified as obscene and will not be allowed through the border. Now, if I can just get you to sign here.
- Frances: Little Red Riding Hood is obscene?
- Mr. Marcus: Well, we, we thought it was something else.
- Lila: I read a study and after the age of forty a woman's chances of having sex are diminished by eighty percent. SO, after fifty, God help you. And since I probably won't be having sex again, chocolate is the only pleasure left for me.
- Safe sex advocate: I'm off Thursday on the "Love that latex" Safe sex tour. I'm giving safe sex demonstrations from Tuktoyaktuk to Yellowknife.
- Carla: Customs held up another order of books at the border. They're claiming the books are pornographic... hello? Which they aren't. Well, maybe "Butches in Chains" is, but so what?
- [Kim and Maggie have just stopped a woman from beating up Judy]
- Kim: Say you're sorry!
- Woman in Washroom: I'm sorry!
- Judy: ..."I"m sorry, *ma"am*."
- Woman in Washroom: I'm... sorry... ma'am.
- Judy: Thank you.
- [Maggie and Tony are washing the sidewalk in front of 10% Books]
- Religious Zealot: Jesus loves you!
- Maggie: Oh, thank you!
- [to Tony]
- Maggie: So, do you think we've gotten "Die, dyke, die" off the sidewalk?