- [first lines]
- Pirates: [sings] Pour, o pour the pirate sherry.
- The Pirate King: [Exhausted and out of breath after the conductor has made the Pirates repeat the end of "With Cat-like Tread" three times] Wait a minute! Just a minute, please! This is very important. Please... this is... this is... We haven't... finished... yet! We have some very... important... dialogue... to do.
- [Strikes a pose, the audience interrupts him with cheers]
- The Pirate King: We haven't finished yet! Shh!
- [Strikes his pose again]
- The Pirate King: "Away!"
- Frederic: Oh, it breaks my heart to betray the honored father of the girl that I adore!
- The Pirate King, Ruth: Awwww.
- The Pirate King: Break it.
- Ruth: Yes.
- Frederic: And yet, as one of your band, I have no alternative!
- The Pirate King: No, no, no, no.
- Frederic: It is my duty to tell you that General Stanley...
- The Pirate King, Ruth: Yes?
- Frederic: Is...
- The Pirate King, Ruth: Is...
- Frederic: No...
- The Pirate King, Ruth: No...
- Frederic: [sighs] General Stanley...
- The Pirate King, Ruth: Yes?
- Frederic: Is...
- The Pirate King, Ruth: Is...
- Frederic: No...
- The Pirate King, Ruth: No...
- Frederic: Oooorrr...
- The Pirate King, Ruth: Oooorrrghhh...
- [They clap Frederic on the back]
- Frederic: Orphan!
- The Pirate King, Ruth: WHAT?
- The Pirate King: Well, it's better than being an "Oooorrrghhh."
- The Pirate King: [after "I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General"] Very, very good.
- Major-General Stanley: Thank you very much.
- The Pirate King: Umbrella balancing on the chin... We like the medals too, don't we?
- [Pirates nod]
- Major-General Stanley: Yes, I got those on the frontier.
- The Pirate King: Oh, really?
- Major-General Stanley: Yes, I had two on the back here, but they fell off.
- The Pirate King: Oh, well, never mind. Do some more, will you?
- Major-General Stanley: "More"? Silly man, there isn't any more.
- The Pirate King: No, no, no! We want some more! Make something up!
- [Turns to the Conductor]
- The Pirate King: Both of you!
- Major-General Stanley: Don't be ridiculous!
- [the Pirates point their swords at him]
- Major-General Stanley: Oh! Steady on, steady on! Feisty fellow...
- [to Conductor]
- Major-General Stanley: Something... ridiculous... for the fellow in the purple pants.
- Conductor: What tempo would you like it, sir?
- Major-General Stanley: Tempo?
- Conductor: Yes.
- Major-General Stanley: I think we better do it quickly.
- Conductor: Could we have that in Italian, please?
- Major-General Stanley: Italian?
- Conductor: Yes.
- Major-General Stanley: Espresso cappuccino.
- [Music starts again]
- Major-General Stanley: I would go to their tall, simple-minded, galavanting, purple-panted... yet strangely attractive... chief this very night and confess all!
- [Pirates still trying to catch their breath after "With Catlike Tread"]
- Frederic: Hush, hush... Not a... word... I see a light inside.
- The Pirate King: [Silence. Frederic nudges the Pirate King] Yeah... the light's... great...
- Major-General Stanley: I am the very model of a modern Major-General. I have information seminal and cultural and federal and regional and functional and fictional and textural, abominididible... abdomininibible... I can't say that word... "terrible"... scriptural, confessional and sexual. Sorry, slipped out.
- [to Frederic]
- Major-General Stanley: hey, get away from my daughter will you?... Disgusting.
- Major-General Stanley: I assure you, Frederic, that such is the anguish and remorse I feel at the abominininibible... at the abdomininibib... such is the anguish and remorse I feel at the... abominable...
- Mabel Stanley: "Snowman"?
- Major-General Stanley: No! The abominable...
- Frederic: "Falsehood"!
- Major-General Stanley: Yes! "Falsehood," thank you, Frederic... by which I escaped these easily deluded pirates, that I would go to their tall, simple-minded, gallivanting, purple panted... yet strangely attractive... chief and confess all!
- [Frederic has told the Pirate King and Ruth that Major-General Stanley is not an orphan as he claimed]
- Frederic: And more than that: he never was one.
- The Pirate King: Hold that
- [hands Frederic his sword, then faints. Gets up again]
- The Pirate King: Frederic, am I to understand...
- [pauses to clutch his head]
- The Pirate King: ... ouch... that in order to save his contemptible life,
- [takes his sword back from Frederic and threatens him with it]
- The Pirate King: he dared to practice an incredulous simplicity?
- [Frederic squeaks an affirmative answer]
- The Pirate King: Then our revenge shall be swift, end...
- Frederic: "Kind"!
- The Pirate King: No, no, no, no!
- Frederic: "Merciful"!
- The Pirate King: No, no, no! Swift and... you know... abominable!
- [Members of the orchestra hold up score cards all reading "10"]
- Frederic: Oh, well done!
- The Pirate King: You were apprenticed to us until you reached your twenty-first...
- [clears throat and unrolls a paper]
- The Pirate King: "Dear Pirate King, I love your purple pants. Meet me later at the..."
- Ruth: No! That's the wrong one!
- [She trades papers with him. He grabs the love letter back from her and hides it in his shirt]
- The Pirate King: You were apprenticed to us "until you reached your twenty-first birthday."