Lakeboat (2000)

J.J. Johnston: Stan

Quotes 

• Stan : Boy, was I drunk last night.

  Joe Pitko : I'm *still* drunk.

  Stan : That wine. You drink wine, it dehydrates you. When you drink water the next morning, it activates the alcohol.

  Joe Pitko : I'm so hung over I can't see.

  Stan : Can't see? I can't even talk.

  Joe Pitko : I can't even fuckin' think straight.

  Stan : You couldn't think straight *last night*.

  Joe Pitko : I was drunk last night.

  Stan : You're *still* drunk.

  Joe Pitko : Yeah.

• Stan : Boy, did I get laid last night.

  Fred : One of the lads on the boat?

  Stan : By a woman, Freddie. A woman. Do you remember them? Soft things with a hole in the middle?

• Stan : Who is the most grotesque broad you ever fucked?

  Fred : I'd have to think about that.

  Stan : I'd like to know.

• Fred : Steven Seagal is the strongest guy in ten years.

  Stan : You know what? You are truly an idiot. You could have said that in the dark, and I would've known it was you, because only you could make so stupid a statement. Steven Seagal has got to be the dumbest jagoff I can remember.

  Fred : Yeah, it's like you to say that.

  Stan : You know about it?

  Fred : I know when a guy is strong.

  Stan : And that's what Seagal is, strong, huh?

  Fred : Yeah.

  Stan : You know, you're right. I agree with you 100%, he is strong, this Seagal. I can't think of anything that could be stronger than him, unless maybe a pile of shit!

  Fred : What do you know? Who do you like?

  Stan : Oh, I'll tell you. You want a real strong fella, a real type. I'd have to say Jerry Lewis. He could probably knock the shit out of this Seagal.

  Fred : Aw, you don't know nothing. You don't know a fucking champ when you're looking at him in the movies, for chrissakes. This guy is stark, he's the best.

  Stan : He's the best, alright. Like jacking off is better than getting laid. This guy Seagal is the biggest jackoff of all time.

  Fred : Yeah, I agree with you, Stan. I see your point, the man is not stark, he's no fucking good. That's why he didn't take five fucking guys in that barroom using only one pool cue. I see your point!