Second Childhood (1936)
Zeffie Tilbury: Grandma
Quotes
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Hobson, the butler : I hope the mistress is in a good humor this morning.
Maid : There's hardly a chance, she's always herself.
Grandma : [enters] I heard that.
Maid : Ah! Good morning.
Hobson, the butler : You're looking fine this morning, madam.
Grandma : Don't lie to me. I don't look fine and I don't feel fine. And as for the morning being good, it isn't over yet.
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Grandma : Say, what's all this fuss: flowers and candles and things?
Maid : Why it's your birthday.
Grandma : What, again?
Maid : 65 years young today.
Grandma : Ouch! Take them away. Take them away! Flowers and candles are only fit for weddings and funerals. Don't like weddings, and I'm not ready for the other... yet! I hope.
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Hobson, the butler : But the doctor says you've got to get well.
Grandma : I'll do no such thing, I'll stay sick as long as I like. Give it to me.
[chokes down her morning pill]
Grandma : Now, bring on the food.
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Spanky : You know, lady, we could make this place look like someone's really living in it.
Grandma : Oh, you could, could you?
Spanky : Uh huh, what do you say?
Grandma : Well, alright, but no loafing, you make a good job of it. Now you two get the lawn mower and mow the grass, hurry up. And you, go and water the flowers, hurry up. And you...
Darla : I can pick flowers.
Grandma : Oh you can, can you?
Darla : Yes. I can pick you a nice, big, lovely bouquet.
Grandma : Alright, you run along and do it then. And you, go and get me that chair.
Boy : You didn't say please.
Grandma : And why should I say please?
Boy : Because my pop says that's polite.
Grandma : And who may I ask, is your pop?
Boy : He's a traffic cop.
Grandma : Well... go and get the chair.
Boy : Please?
Grandma : Very well, please.
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Alfalfa : Here we are!
Grandma : It's about time.
Spanky : Now you're going to see some lawn cutting.
Grandma : I hope so.
Spanky : [they try to push the mower but it doesn't move] Looks like we're not doing so hot.
Grandma : That's how it looks.
[sees them struggle]
Grandma : Just a minute.
[stands up]
Grandma : Now you're going to see some real lawn cutting. Give me a hand.
[sees the boy looking at her]
Grandma : Please.
Boy : Thank you.
Grandma : Don't mention it.
Spanky : You know, Grandma, you're a pretty swell guy.
Grandma : I'm nothing of the sort. I'm only doing this to keep you from ruining my lawn. Come on.
[helps them run the mower across the yard]
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Grandma : What's this contraption?
Spanky : It's for shooting.
Alfalfa : Yeah, it's a slingshot!
Grandma : How's it work?
Spanky : Well see, take a marble.
Grandma : Mm-hmm.
Spanky : And you put it in here, see.
Grandma : Mm-hmm.
Spanky : Now, you pull this back. Here take this, pull it back.
Grandma : Mm-hmm.
Spanky : Stretch it, really far. Let go now.
Grandma : OW!
Spanky : You let go of the wrong end!
Grandma : Yes, so I found out.
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Grandma : [breaks her pill bottle with the boys' slingshot, the butler picks them up] Oh, never mind about them.
Hobson, the butler : Yes, but you'll get sick, madam.
Spanky : Grandma, those pills are a lot of baloney.
Alfalfa : You feel alright, don't you?
Grandma : I never felt better in my life.
Spanky : Well then get along without them.
Hobson, the butler : But you've got to have your pills, madam.
Grandma : You're dern right I have, bring me all my pills, bring me every pill in the house.
Hobson, the butler : Every pill?
Grandma : Scram!
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Grandma : The end of pills: blue pills, pink pills, green pills, I'm sick of the sight of pills. Are you ready?
Spanky : Aye-aye, sir captain!
Grandma : Good. What's it say on that bottle?
Spanky : [drum roll] 'One blue pill every hour, DOCTOR JONES!'
[hides under the table as Grandma breaks the bottle with his slingshot]
Grandma : Let's get another one. Bang!
[breaks another bottle]
Alfalfa : Oh boy! Oh boy!
Grandma : Boom!
Alfalfa : Oh boy!
Grandma : I'm becoming some shot, ain't I?
Alfalfa : You're telling me!
Grandma : Now here's a big one for the lot, go to it!
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Grandma : Who let all that sunshine in here?
Hobson, the butler : Sunshine is healthful, madam.
Grandma : Pull down the shades.
Maid : Yes, miss.
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Hobson, the butler : [brings all her bottles of pills] Here you are, madam.
Grandma : Fine, I'll take these, you line the others up on that table.
Hobson, the butler : But what does this mean, madam?
Grandma : This means war!
Hobson, the butler : War?
Grandma : Revolution!
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Hobson, the butler : Your medicine, madam.
Grandma : More pills?
Hobson, the butler : But this is just a capsule, madam.
Grandma : And what is a capsule but a pill disguised in cellophane?