Van Helsing (2004)

David Wenham: Carl

Photos 

Quotes 

• Carl : [while stocking Van Helsing's kit for the trip to Transylvania]  I don't know. You could blind your enemies, char-broil a herd of chargind wildebeests - use your imagination.

  Van Helsing : No, I'm going to use yours - you're coming with me.

  Carl : Oh, to hell and be damned I am!

  Van Helsing : Carl, you just cursed! Not well mind you but you're a monk. You shouldn't curse at all.

  Carl : Actually I'm just a friar so I can curse all I want... dammit!

• Carl : So you can remember everything about your life from the last seven years, but nothing before that?

  Van Helsing : Not now, Carl.

  Carl : There must be something?

  Van Helsing : [dead serious]  I remember fighting the Romans at Masada.

  Carl : That was in 73 A.D.

  Van Helsing : You asked.

• Carl : Why does it smell like wet dog in here?

  Van Helsing : [running past him]  Werewolf!

  Carl : Oh! You'll be needing silver bullets then.

  [he produces a box of bullets and throws them to Van Helsing, rather deftly] 

  Van Helsing : Well done!

• Van Helsing : Now, Carl, whatever you do, don't stare at him.

  [he opens the coach door, revealing the Frankenstein Monster shackled into the seat, struggling and snarling] 

  Carl : I'm staring at him.

  [quickly turns away] 

  Carl : Is that a man?

  Van Helsing : Actually, it's seven men. Parts of them, anyway.

• Carl : Now, you won't turn into a werewolf until your first full moon. That's two days from now. So we have 48 hours to find a solution. But you'll still be able to fight Dracula's hold over you until the final stroke of midnight.

  Van Helsing : Sounds like I have nothing to worry about.

  Carl : Oh, my God, you should be terrified!

  Van Helsing : Thank you.

  Carl : Sorry.

• Frankenstein's Monster : [hanging from a rope]  Help! Help me!

  Carl : But you're supposed to die!

  Frankenstein's Monster : I want to live!

  Carl : ...All right.

• Carl : [about his invention]  I know what it's for! I know what it's for!... Where are we going?

  Van Helsing , Anna Valerious : Through that window!

• Carl : [after saving the woman from the vampire children]  They've all died.

  Barmaid : Oh, thank you! You saved me.

  [kisses him on the cheek] 

  Barmaid : How can I repay you?

  [Carl leans in and whispers something in her ear] 

  Barmaid : But you can't do that! You are a monk!

  Carl : Actually, I'm a just a friar.

• Carl : Here, take this.

  [he hands Van Helsing a bag, then begins to fill it] 

  Carl : Rings of garlic... holy water... silver stake... crucifix...

  [they pass two monks test-firing a Gatling gun] 

  Van Helsing : Why can't I have one of those?

• [Van Helsing and Anna are both hanging off the sides of the carriage, hanging over the cliff. While the Monster is chained in his seat, Carl starts to pull Anna in, but Van Helsing's grip starts to fail] 

  Frankenstein's Monster : I can help!

  Carl : You won't kill me?

  Frankenstein's Monster : Only if you don't hurry!

• Van Helsing : You're a genius!

  Carl : A genius with access to unstable chemicals!

• [Dracula's minions have taken all of Frankenstein's equipment to castle Dracula] 

  Anna Valerious : Then we've lost.

  Carl : Dracula can't bring them to life until the sun sets. We still have time.

  Anna Valerious : "Time"? The sun sets in two hours, and we've been searching for his lair for over 400 years!

  Carl : I wasn't around for those 400 years, was I?

• Aleera : Did I scare you?

  Carl : No.

  Aleera : Then maybe I need to try... a little harder.

• Anna Valerious : [while looking at the cure for the werewolf curse]  Go ahead, grab it.

  Carl : Why don't you go ahead and grab it? If there's one thing I've learned, it's never to stick your hand into a viscous material.

• [approaching the entrance to Castle Dracula] 

  Carl : Do we have a plan? I mean, it doesn't have to be Wellington's at Waterloo, but some kind of plan would be nice.

  Van Helsing : We're going to go in there and stop Dracula.

  Anna Valerious : And kill anyone who gets in our way.

  Carl : [quickly turns around]  Well, you let me know how that goes...

• Carl : [notices Van Helsing]  Ah, there you are. So, did you bring Mr. Hyde back or did you kill him?

  [acts obvious] 

  Carl : You killed him, didn't you? That's why they get so annoyed. When they ask you to bring someone back they don't mean as a corpse.

• Carl : [translating language on a painting]  Even a man who is pure in heart, and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the moon is full and bright. Or crave anothers blood when the sun goes down, and his body takes to flight.

• Frankenstein's Monster : Let me go!

  Carl : Where are you going to go? I don't know if you've looked in the mirror lately, but you kind of stick out in a crowd.

• [Van Helsing and Carl break into a mausoleum to hide the unconscious Monster] 

  Carl : I'm sure this is some kind of sin.

  Van Helsing : Don't worry, God will forgive us.

• Van Helsing : That's why you're coming with me.

  Carl : The hell be damned that I am.

  Van Helsing : You cursed. Not very well, mind you, but you're a monk. You shouldn't curse at all.

  Carl : Actually, I'm still just a friar. I can curse all I want, dammit.

• Carl : You've never gone after vampires before, have you?

  Van Helsing : Vampires, gargoyles, warlocks, they're all the same - best when cooked well.

• Villager : He killed a vampire!

  Carl : Isn't that a good thing?

  Top Hat : The Vampires only take what they need to survive. Maybe two or three a month... but now they will kill for revenge!

• Carl : [shouts]  Vampires!

  [jumps up and then looks at the couch where the barmaid he had just made love to is] 

  Carl : Now I remember.

• Carl : Now, I've got some things that will put the bit back in your mouth...

  [Van Helsing stops to inspect a rack of swords] 

  Carl : Oh, any idiot can make a sword.

  [a hulking monk turns around holding a newly-forged sword, staring daggers at Carl] 

  Carl : Oh, sorry, Father.

• Carl : What are we doing here? Why is it so important to kill this Dracula anyway?

  Van Helsing : Because he's the son of the devil.

  Carl : I mean besides that.

  Van Helsing : Because if we kill him, anything bitten by him or created will also die.

  Carl : I mean besides that.

• Carl : Ah! Here's something new!

  [pumps a drop of the yellow liquid onto his pinky finger] 

  Carl : Glycerine-48.

  [snaps his wrist, causing a large explosion after the Glycerine-48 hits the floor. The workers shout and gasp in anger and shock] 

  Carl : Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!

  Carl : [turns to Van Helsing, his magnifying glasses over his eyes]  Sorry!

  Monk : [offscreen in the background]  What in the name of Allah is wrong with you?

  Carl : [to Van Helsing]  The air around here is thick with envy...

• Carl : Viscous material, what did I tell you!

• Carl : [after reading something from a book in the tower in the Valerious Manner]  Well, that's interesting...

  [hearing something, he goes to the window and sees hundreds of pygmy bats flying past] 

  Carl : Oh, that's not good! Must... warn... somebody!

• Carl : How many commandments can we break in one day?

• Van Helsing : The Cardinal has ordered you to keep me alive.

  [he throws the bag back to Carl, then walks past him] 

  Van Helsing : For as long as possible.

  Carl : But I'm not a field man! Van Helsing, I don't want to go to Transylvania!

• [last lines] 

  Carl : She's dead.

• [Carl hands Van Helsing his latest invention, an automatic crossbow] 

  Carl : A work of certifiable genius.

  Van Helsing : If you don't say so yourself.

  Carl : Well, I did say so myself.

• Carl : Are you always this popular?

  Van Helsing : Pretty much.

• Van Helsing : Carl, I need you to do something

  Carl : I'm not gonna like this am I?

• Van Helsing : [Bangs on the canal gate feverishly while staying afloat; he looks on as the Frankenstein monster drifts away with the enemy]  I must save him!

  Carl : [Holding his head down]  No, you can't.

  Van Helsing : [Surprised]  Why?

  Carl : [Lamentingly]  I cabled Rome earlier to apprise them of our situation.

  Van Helsing : And what did they say?

  Carl : [Speaks with sadness in his voice]  Even if you somehow kill Dracula, Rome orders you to destroy Frankenstein as well.

  Van Helsing : But he isn't evil!

  Carl : Yes, but they say he isn't human either.

  Van Helsing : Do they know him? Have they talked with him? Who are they to judge?

  Carl : They want you to destroy him so he can never be used to harm humanity.

  Van Helsing : And what of *me?* Did you tell them what *I'm* to become?

  [Swiftly grabs hold of Carl's throat] 

  Van Helsing : Did they tell you how to *kill* me?

  [He lifts him up with one arm, pinning him to the gate; the more he speaks, the tighter his grip gets around Carl's throat, while he struggles vainly to free himself] 

  Van Helsing : The correct *angle* of the stake as it enters my heart?

  Anna Valerious : [Anna, terrified of his outburst tries to grab hold of Van Helsing to get him to release Carl]  No! Stop!

  Van Helsing : [His hand still tightening, his iris dilate and begin to glow an eerie, pale yellow as he yells]  The exact measure of *silver* in each *bullet*? Huh?

  Carl : [Croaks pitifully in Van Helsing's grip, and speaks pleadingly]  No, I-I left you out!

  Van Helsing : [Van Helsing's eyes look more and more savage. He grimaces and doubles over, releasing Carl from his grasp. Then he clutches himself, as a vicious roar bellows though his lips; he snarls and sneers while clenching his fists trying to fight away the curse. Anna and Carl look at him with both fear of and for him; as his eyes return to that of human, he realizes he has little time left and that he has hurt his best friend. He looks at Carl with regret]  I'm sorry... It is starting...