Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)
David Carradine: Bill aka Snake Charmer
Photos
Quotes
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Bill : Pai Mei taught you the five point palm-exploding heart technique?
The Bride : Of course he did.
Bill : Why didn't you tell me?
The Bride : I don't know... because I'm a bad person.
Bill : No. You're not a bad person. You're a terrific person. You're my favorite person, but every once in a while, you can be a real cunt.
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Bill : As you know, l'm quite keen on comic books. Especially the ones about superheroes. I find the whole mythology surrounding superheroes fascinating. Take my favorite superhero, Superman. Not a great comic book. Not particularly well-drawn. But the mythology... The mythology is not only great, it's unique.
The Bride : [who still has a needle in her leg] How long does this shit take to go into effect?
Bill : About two minutes, just long enough for me to finish my point. Now, a staple of the superhero mythology is, there's the superhero and there's the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When that character wakes up in the morning, he's Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic Superman stands alone. Superman didn't become Superman. Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he's Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red "S", that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears - the glasses, the business suit - that's the costume. That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent. He's weak... he's unsure of himself... he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race. Sorta like Beatrix Kiddo and Mrs. Tommy Plimpton.
The Bride : Ah-so. The point emerges.
Bill : You would've worn the costume of Arlene Plimpton. But you were born Beatrix Kiddo. And every morning when you woke up, you'd still be Beatrix Kiddo. Oh, you can take the needle out.
The Bride : [does so] Are you calling me a superhero?
Bill : I'm calling you a killer. A natural born killer. You always have been, and you always will be. Moving to El Paso, working in a used record store, goin' to the movies with Tommy, clipping coupons. That's you, trying to disguise yourself as a worker bee. That's you tryin' to blend in with the hive. But you're not a worker bee. You're a renegade killer bee. And no matter how much beer you drank or barbecue you ate or how fat your ass got, nothing in the world would ever change that.
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The Bride : You know, five years ago, if I had to make a list of impossible things that would never happen, you performing a coup de grace on me, by busting a cap in my crown, would have been right at the top of the list. But I'd be wrong, wouldn't I?
Bill : [slightly drunk] ... I'm sorry, was that a question? Of impossible things that could never happen, in this case, yes, you would have been wrong.
The Bride : Well?
Bill : When you didn't come back, I naturally assumed that Lisa Wong or somebody else had killed you. Oh, and for the record, letting someone think that someone they love is dead when they're not is quite cruel. I mourned you for three months. And in the third month of mourning you, I tracked you down. Now, I wasn't trying to track you down. I was trying to track down the fucking assholes who I thought killed you. So, I find you. And what do I find? Not only are you not dead, you're getting married, to some fucking jerk, and you're pregnant. I... overreacted.
[long pause]
The Bride : You overreacted?
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Bill : Mommy is still angry at Daddy.
B.B. : Why?
Bill : Well sweety, I love Mommy, but I did to Mommy what you did to Emilio.
B.B. : You stomped on Mommy?
Bill : Worse. I shot Mommy. Not pretend shoot, like we were just doing. I shot her for real.
B.B. : Why? Did you want to see what would happen?
Bill : No, I knew what would happen to Mommy if I shot her. What I didn't know is, when I shot Mommy, what would happen to me.
B.B. : What happened?
Bill : I was very sad. And that was when I learned, some things, once you do, they can never be undone.
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The Bride : [Describing her pregnancy to Bill] Before that strip turned blue, I was a woman. I was your woman. I was a killer who killed for you. Before that strip turned blue, I would have jumped a motorcycle onto a speeding train... for you. But once that strip turned blue, I could no longer do any of those things. Not anymore. Because I was going to be a mother. Can you understand that?
Bill : Yes. But why didn't you tell me then instead of now?
The Bride : Because once I would have told you, you'd claim her, and I didn't want that.
Bill : Not your decision to make.
The Bride : Yes, but it was the right decision and I made it for my daughter. She deserved to be born with a clean slate. But with you, she would have been born in a world she shouldn't have. I had to choose... I chose her.
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[the Bride sees B.B. for the first time]
B.B. : Freeze, Mommy!
Bill : Bang bang!
[pretends to be shot]
Bill : Oh! She got us, B.B. I'm dying.
B.B. : Oh, I'm dying, I'm dying...
Bill : Fall down, sweetheart. Mommy shot you.
[both fall down and pretend to die]
Bill : [in a narrative tone] But little did Quick-Draw Kiddo know that little B.B. was only playing possum, due to the fact that she was impervious to bullets.
B.B. : [sits up] I am pervious to bullets, Mommy.
Bill : Hey, get back down there. You're playing possum.
[in a narrative tone]
Bill : So, as the smirking killer approached what she thought was a bullet-ridden corpse, that's when little B.B. fired!
[B.B. gets up and pretends to shoot the Bride]
B.B. : Bang bang!
Bill : You're dead, Mommy... so die.
[the Bride is still shocked]
Bill : B.B.
[comes out of it and acts out a huge death scene]
The Bride : Oh, B.B., you got me. I should have known... you are the best.
[collapses to the ground and pretends to die]
B.B. : Oh, Mommy, don't die. I was just playing.
The Bride : I know.
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Bill : Now... When it comes to you, and us, I have a few unanswered questions. So, before this tale of bloody revenge reaches its climax, I'm going to ask you some questions, and I want you to tell me the truth. However, therein lies a dilemma. Because, when it comes to the subject of me, I believe you are truly and utterly incapable of telling the truth, especially to me, and least of all, to yourself. And, when it comes to the subject of me, I am truly and utterly incapable of believing anything you say.
The Bride : How do you suppose we solve this dilemma?
Bill : Well, it just so happens I have a solution.
[he shoots The Bride with a dart filled with Truth Serum]
Bill : Gotcha!
The Bride : Goddamn! What the fuck did you just shoot me with?
Bill : My greatest invention. Or at least, my favorite one.
[she reaches for the dart]
Bill : Don't touch it, or I'll stick another one right in your cheek.
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The Bride : Did he teach you that?
Bill : No. He teaches no one the five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique. Now, Kiddo, one of the things I always liked about you is you appear wise beyond your years. Then allow me to impart a word to the wise. Whatever - WHAT-EVER - Pai Mei says, obey. If you flash him, even for an instant, a defiant eye, he'll pluck it out. And if you throw any American sass his way, he will snap your back and your neck like they were twigs, and that will be the story of you.
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Bill : He'll accept you as his student.
The Bride : Caught him in a good mood, aye?
Bill : More like a sadistic one. Just seeing those steps again makes me ache. You're gonna have plenty of fun carrying buckets of water up and down that fucker.
The Bride : Why did he accept me?
Bill : Because he's a very very very old man. And like all rotten bastards, when they get old, they become lonely. Not that that has any effect on their disposition. But they do learn the value of company.
The Bride : When will I see you again?
Bill : That's the title of my favorite soul song of the Seventies.
The Bride : What?
Bill : Nothing. When he tells me you're done.
The Bride : When do you think that might be?
Bill : That my dearest, all depends on you. Now remember, no backtalk, no sarcasm. Least not for the first year. You're going to have to let him warm up for you. He hates Caucasians, despises Americans, and has nothing but contempt for women, so in your case, that may take a little while. Adios.
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Bill : Once upon a time in China, some believe, around the year one double-aught three, head priest of the White Lotus Clan, Pai Mei, was walking down the road, contemplating whatever it is that a man of Pai Mei's infinite power contemplates - which is another way of saying "who knows?" - when a Shaolin monk appeared, traveling in the opposite direction. As the monk and the priest crossed paths, Pai Mei, in a practically unfathomable display of generosity, gave the monk the slightest of nods. The nod was not returned. Now was it the intention of the Shaolin monk to insult Pai Mei? Or did he just fail to see the generous social gesture? The motives of the monk remain unknown. What is known, are the consequences. The next morning Pai Mei appeared at the Shaolin Temple and demanded of the Temple's head abbot that he offer Pai Mei his neck to repay the insult. The Abbot at first tried to console Pai Mei, only to find Pai Mei was inconsolable. So began the massacre of the Shaolin Temple and all sixty of the monks inside at the fists of the White Lotus. And so began the legend of Pai Mei's five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique.
The Bride : And what, pray tell, is the five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique?
Bill : Quite simply, the deadliest blow in all of martial arts. He hits you with his fingertips at five different pressure points on your body. And then he lets you walk away. But after you've taken five steps, your heart explodes inside your body, and you fall to the floor, dead.
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Bill : Anyhow, they all fell under her Hanzo sword.
Budd : She's got a Hanzo sword?
Bill : He made one for her.
Budd : Didn't he swear a blood oath to never make another sword?
Bill : It would appear he has broken it.
Budd : Them Japs sure know how to hold a grudge.
[laughs]
Budd : Or maybe... you just tend to bring that out in people.
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Budd : I'm a bouncer in a titty bar, Bill. If she wants to fight me, all she gotta do is come down to the Club, start some shit, and we'll be in a fight.
Bill : I know we haven't spoken in some time. And the last time we spoke wasn't the most pleasant. But you've to got to get over being mad at me and start becoming afraid of
[beep]
Bill : because she is coming, and she is coming to kill you. And unless you accept my assistance, I have no doubt she will succeed.
Budd : I don't dodge guilt, and I don't Jew out of paying my comeuppance.
Bill : Can't we just... forget the past?
Budd : That woman, deserves her revenge and... we deserve to die. But then again, so does she. So, I guess we'll just see. Won't we?
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Bill : I suppose the traditional way to conclude this is, we cross Hanzo swords. Well, it just so happens, this hacienda comes with its very own private beach. And this private beach just so happens to look particularly beautiful bathed in moonlight. And there just so happens to be a full moon out tonight. So, swordfighter, if you want to sword fight, that's where I suggest. But if you wanna be old school about it - and you know I'm all about old school - then we can wait till dawn, and slice each other up at sunrise, like a couple real-life, honest-to-goodness samurais.
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The Bride : What are you doing here?
Bill : What am I doing? A moment ago, I was playin' my flute. But this moment, I'm looking at the most beautiful bride these old eyes have ever seen.
The Bride : Why are you here?
Bill : Last look.
The Bride : Are you going to be nice?
Bill : I've never been nice my whole life, but I'll do my best... to be sweet.
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Bill : What lies within that dart, just begging to course its way through your veins, is a potent and quite infallible truth serum. I call it "The Undisputed Truth." Twice as strong as sodium penethol, with none of the druggie after-effect. Oh, except for a slight wave of euphoria. Can you feel it?
The Bride : Euphoria?
Bill : Yeah.
The Bride : No.
Bill : Too bad.
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Bill : Isn't it supposed to be bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her wedding dress before the ceremony?
Tommy Plympton : I guess I just believe in living dangerously.
Bill : I know just what you mean.
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[discussing Tommy Plympton, the Bride's husband-to-be]
Bill : What does your young man do for a living?
The Bride : He owns a used record store here in El Paso.
Bill : Ah. Music lover, eh?
The Bride : He's fond of music.
Bill : Aren't we all? And what are you doing for a J-O-B these days?
The Bride : I work in the record store.
Bill : Aso. It all suddenly seems so clear. Do you like it?
The Bride : Yeah. I like it a lot, smartass. I get to listen to music all day, talk about music all day. It's really cool. It's gonna be a great environment for my little girl to grow up in.
Bill : As opposed to jetting around the world, killing human beings, and being paid vast sums of money?
The Bride : Precisely.
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Bill : [the Bride lunges for Bill's sword, Bill draws a gun and shoots, barely missing her] Now if you don't settle down, I'm gonna have to put one in your kneecap. And I hear tell that's a very painful place to get shot in.
[he suddenly fires again, hitting a fruit bowl and splattering the Bride, making her jump]
Bill : Ha ha ha! I'm just fucking with you.
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Bill : I told her you were asleep. But that one day you would wake up and come back to her. And she asked me, "if Mommy's been asleep since I was born, then how would she know what I look like?" To which I replied, "because Mommy's been dreaming of you." That's what I said.
B.B : [affectionately] Did you dream of me? I dreamed of you.
The Bride : [crying] Every single night, baby. Every single night.
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Bill : I was just admiring your sword. Quite a piece of work. Speaking of which, how is Hanzo-san?
The Bride : He's good.
Bill : Has his sushi gotten any better?
The Bride : [shakes her head]
Bill : You know, I couldn't believe it. You got him to make you a sword.
The Bride : It was easy. I just dropped your name, Bill.
Bill : [chuckles] That'd do it.
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Bill : Baby, don't you think Mommy has the prettiest hair in the whole wide world?
B.B. : [smiling] Yes, I do.
Bill : Matter of fact, it's better than pretty. What's better than pretty?
B.B. : Hmm. Gorgeous!
Bill : Very good. Gorgeous. Mommy is gorgeous.
[flattery doesn't bring him any luck]
Bill : Mm. You know, sweetie, Mommy is kind of mad at Daddy.
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Bill : I'm a killer. I'm a murdering bastard. You know that. And there are consequences to breaking the heart of a murdering bastard.
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Bill : To each his own. However, all cockblockery aside, I am looking forward to meeting your young man. I happen to be, more or less, particular whom my gal marries.
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Bill : Lucky for us all, that's not the case.
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The Bride : Oh, here's Tommy! Call me Arlene.
Bill : You must be Tommy! Arlene's told me so much about you.
Tommy Plympton : Honey, you okay?
The Bride : Oh, I'm fine. Tommy, I'd like you to meet my father.
Tommy Plympton : Oh, my God! Oh, my God, this is great! I'm so glad to meet you, sir, uh, Dad.
Bill : The name's Bill.
