Freshman Orientation (2004)
Mike Erwin: Matt
Photos
Quotes
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Clay : You make me feel like a real man. M-maybe my whole life has been a total lie and I'm not gay. I think I'm in love with you.
Clay : [stroking Matt's cheek] Now make love to me. Please.
Matt : I think I'm gonna puke.
Clay : Dude, this is what all ladies really dream about - the fag who's not afraid to eat his best girlfriend's pussy.
Matt : You don't know shit about being gay.
Clay : Oh, yeah, well, there's a campus sexual identity support group meeting this afternoon. Get my gay on there.
Matt : Do you have any other goals in life besides getting laid?
Clay : You mean like writing the great American novel, making a million dollars, stopping world hunger, that sort of thing?
Matt : Exactly.
Clay : Dude, I'm a B-student from Wisconsin, okay? My... my mom drives a school bus. My dad manages a Target store. Now, future happiness for guys like me means Saturday afternoon BBQ's, a sweet deal on a new civic, and the occasional blow job from my wife. And until I take that sad journey into cultural purgatory, my goal in life is - yeah - to get as much ass as I can.
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Clay : [at a frat party populated by plain girls] Oh, my God, man. Look at these chicks. We're surrounded by "before shots."
Matt : I thought the ugly ones were easier to lay.
Clay : It's a myth, my friend. The unattractive ones think that their insides are really beautiful, so you gotta waste a lot of time and energy makin' them think that you're attracted to their personalities.