Monster House (2006)
Sam Lerner: Chowder
Photos
Quotes
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Chowder : My dad is at the pharmacy and my mom is at the movies with her personal trainer.
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Chowder : I paid 28 dollars for that ball! I raked ten yards and ask my mom for a dollar 26 times!
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Chowder : What? I thought if I shot the heart, that...
Jenny : That's not the heart.
Chowder : Then what *is* it?
Jenny : Well, if those are the teeth and that's the tongue, then that must be the uvula.
Chowder : Oh. So it's a *girl* house.
Jenny : [looks at him] *What*? No! It stimulates the gag reflex. *Everyone* has a uvula.
Chowder : Not *me*.
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Chowder : [whispering] It mocks us with its... *house-ness*!
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Chowder : My cousin's a cop in Milwaukee. I mean, he's kind of a cop... he's got a gun.
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Chowder : [pretending to talk to his father] Well, Dad, why don't you kiss my hairy butt?
[turns around]
Chowder : Hey, DJ, you got any beer?
[noticing Jenny]
Chowder : Well, hello there...
DJ : [to Jenny] This is... Chowder...
Chowder : Charles, to the ladies...
Jenny : [interrupting] Um, Jenny Bennett. Two-term class president at Westbrook Prep.
DJ : That's a tough school to get into.
Chowder : Yeah, I got in but decided not to go.
Jenny : It's a girl's school.
Chowder : [nervous pause] ... Which is why I didn't...
[another nervous pause]
Chowder : ... You know there's a... there's a great taco stand near there...
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[Jenny emerges from the closet after calling her mother on the phone]
Jenny : [rolls her eyes] She didn't believe me.
Chowder : [sighs] Authority can be so...
[makes armpit noises]
Jenny : Okay, normally I don't spend time with guys like you, but a house just tried to eat me, so... you've got one hour.
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Chowder : [after they escape the Monster House by getting upchucked] That's it. Another great idea, DJ! Brilliant!
DJ : What do you want from me, Chowder? I don't see you coming up with any big ideas.
Chowder : Oh yeah, yeah. Do you wanna hear my big idea? I'm going home to make A PRETZEL SANDWICH! See ya!
[starts walking away until DJ pulls him back]
DJ : Chowder! The house is still alive and you're gonna wuss out?
Chowder : I risked my life for you: I stoled drugs for you and *I could've died in there!*
DJ : Yeah. Me too!
Chowder : Yeah, but you're the one that killed Nebbercracker in the first place!
DJ : Getting your stupid ball back...!
Jenny : [Jenny pulls them apart] You guys, stop fighting. You're acting like babies.
DJ : We ARE babies! What were we thinking? We tried to put a house to sleep with cold medicine. How lame could you get?
[DJ begins walking toward his house]
Chowder : Where are you going?
DJ : I'm going home. I suck.
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[the house taunts Chowder by scratching a scary face on his basketball]
Chowder : It's gonna be a bloodbath.
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Chowder : You're really crazy right now, you notice that? I think you're just freakin' out because you killed a guy today.
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[after watching the house eat the two cops]
Chowder : Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I think I'm having a stroke!
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Chowder : [house comes alive] Detectable movement!
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Chowder : We're dead. You've killed us, and we're dead!
DJ : Shh! I don't think the house knows that we're in here. I bet it thinks we're still in the car.
Jenny : Listen.
[rumbling sound]
Jenny : Sounds like it's sleeping.
DJ : The only way that we're gonna get out of here alive is if we find the heart and put out the fire.
Chowder : Maybe we should examine our *other* options?
DJ : [shines his torch in Chowder's face] Sure. Other option: We wait here and do *nothing* until it wakes up and *eats us*!
Chowder : [shields his eyes] Find the heart, put out the fire. Got it.
