Best Week Ever with Paul F. Tompkins (2004– )

John Aboud: Self - Panelist

Quotes 

• [Michael Colton is pretending to have a heart attack] 

  John Aboud : Oh no. Someone phunked with his heart.

• John Aboud : That ho could suck the sheet off a ghost.

• John Aboud : Our government couldn't govern its way out of a paper bag. Oprah just cuts through all the Oprah tape and gets it done.

• Michael Colton : There's nothing Oprah can't do. Remember that budget deficit? You don't hear about that any more.

  John Aboud : Gone.

  Michael Colton : She took care of it.

  John Aboud : It got Oprah-fied.

  Michael Colton : Like a third of her salary.

• John Aboud : Sean Preston is what Britney likes to think of as a practice baby.

  Michael Colton : A starter child. It's before you move onto the real one, the trophy child.

• John Aboud : Ice T, in a very innovative form of entertainment suicide has agreed to do a rap song with David Hasselhoff.

  Paul F. Tompkins : Stop now before it's too late.

• John Aboud : Supersize Me is kinda like Willy Wonka meets Jackass.

• John Aboud : Madonna said at her concert, "Everyone needs to see Fahrenheit 9/11; now if you'll excuse me: I need to grind on this pregnant backup dancer."

• John Aboud : [Re Carly Patterson, Olympian]  If I were Mary Lou Retton, which I'm not, I'd probably check my 401K.