White Pop Jesus (1980) Poster

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5/10
White Pap Jeebus!
Bezenby27 September 2018
I think I broke my brain. Jesus returns to Earth and encounters all the modern day problems in a very Italian attempt at a parody of Jesus Christ Superstar. Only you've got the Mafia instead of the Roman Empire.

I have to admit however that I watched the film in Italian without the aid of subtitles, so with my limited command of Italian I think I got the gist of things, up to a point. I also think I managed to avoid hearing a lot of bad jokes because the comedy in this film is terrible.

The plot as such seems to feature Jesus leaving an insane asylum which appears to be in heaven because the next thing we see is Jesus coming out of the sea and immediately appearing in the office of Lattuga, right in the middle of being robbed by the Mafia. One lecture about how these bad deeds will come back to haunt them when they are old and end up in hell (my interpretation), Lattuga sings a song about how working and material goods are crap, then falls head over heels in love with Jesus while he's off being taunted by a guy whom I think was supposed to be the devil.

Jesus tells Lattuga that he can have no physical relationship but then (I think) his dad, God, tells him to go for it! Good old God. Jesus hooks up with Lattuga and eventually starts gathering more followers, in between times encountering a fake priest, and the modern problem of drug abuse (where Satan tempts him with a spiky haired ballerina who keeps turning into a giant syringe! There's also two sub plots involving the Mafia not liking Jesus changing people's ways (they get to sing their own song about being in the Mafia) and Lattuga's father, who is a cop after Mafia who keeps being injured and has lots of dumb sidekicks. There's a lot of slapstick in this film by the way, and it is painful to watch.

I have no idea why there were two nuns with machine guns whom Jesus then converted into two singing sidekicks, nor am i particular sure what happened to Jesus at the end when he got arrested, but in saying that some of the songs were quite good! Not the one Lattuga and Jesus sing in the car, though. Or the Mafia one. The theme tune was good.

For the first time ever when watching these films, I had the distinct, lonely thought that there was no doubt whatsoever that I was the only person in the world, and by extension the universe, who was watching White Pop Jesus last night. That's creepy.

What Would White Pop Jesus Do?
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5/10
White Pop Jesus!
BandSAboutMovies28 May 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Six years after starring in Enter the Devil (also known as The Eerie Midnight Horror Show), Stella Carnacina would double down on the blasphemy of a movie where a statue gets down off the cross and makes love to her by starring in this disco story of the Second Coming of the Son of God. Here, she plays Lattuga Pop, the daughter of a police commissioner who falls in love with Jesus.

Jesus starts the movie in an insane asylum that we're supposed to believe is Heaven. He emerges from the waves and battles a biker gang before the Word of God is enough to cause them to crash. Soon, he's met Lattuga, saved her from the mafia (who stand in for the Roman Empire) and run from her love.

Jesus has several adventures with His new followers, converting machine gun-toting nuns into singers for him, making sandwiches grow out of the ground and generally getting the Good News out there as he rides a donkey. He even battles Satan and one of his demons, who transforms from a ballerina into a syringe to symbolize drugs. Or maybe not - I'm watching this in Italian and if I were more fluent, I wonder how much of it would make sense. At the end, Jesus has a huge concert where he's betrayed and taken back to the mental asylum while his followers stand inside a giant red metal cross begging for God to save them. Or they're His enemies. I'm not sure, because everything gets Apocalyptic in the last few moments.

Jesus is played by Italian singer Awana Gana, who looks nothing like you would imagine the Messiah to appear. Instead, think a Gibb brother crossed over with Reggie from Phantasm while wearing His best disco white suit.

I really have no idea who this movie is for. It seems so strange that people on drugs would love it, but it takes a major stance against them. One imagines that it's trying for a Jesus Christ Supertar reinvention of Jesus in the time of disco, but it's just sacrilegious enough to upset them without being so much that others would fall in love with it.

The music, however, is great. It was written by Franco Bixio and Vince Tempera, who also created the score for Fulci's The Psychic.
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