It has porno quality acting minus the sex. This could quite possibly be the worst low-budget reality show based pirate horror film of all time. And there are some pretty bad low-budget reality show based pirate horror films out there. It was awful not even worth the $5.50 bin at Wal-Mart. If one does decide to watch this film do it with a group of friends who love to mock and ridicule painfully bad acting, terrible sets, and a camera crew from Mrs. Smith's 10th grade film class. The camera will literally tilt from the actress' face to her breast 25 times in this movie. And throughout the entire film there is no nudity. they diliberately tried to play the sex card and got absolutely no quality what so ever.
24 Reviews
Wow, was this bad
metalface10115 March 2006
So bad it's not even good bad. The only redeeming value this movie had was T & A shots. Locale shots were OK, but the continuity, acting, dialogue was Grade F. A real snoozefest for the first hour or so, until the carnage begins. You might finding yourself fast forwarding until some action starts, so you have been warned. At least the cover art was somewhat decent. My ex-wife wasted $7.50 on this DVD and an hour and a half of her time.........then it was my turn, she said I HAVE to watch this since I like low budget entertainment. I have to say it wasn't worth the time for any low budget aficionado. But watch if you must, just to say to your friends you survived the "Blood Curse".
A horrible waste! A terrible movie!
six-s-six14 January 2008
I am taking the time and liberty of making CrossBones my first ever comment on the IMDb! Let me say: It sucked. It sucked from the two girl's cup. Thank you for your time and consideration...Oh, wait, I have to type more? OK. This movie is the reason that Y2K thing should have happened. That and the whole "robots harvesting our bodies for fuel" plot that was outlined for us in The Matrix. Simply ask yourself, "Do I like my life?" If you answer "Yes", then please disregard this movie and go about your charmed lives. But if you answer "No", then WATCH AND SUFFER YOU DIRTY MAGGOT! That's right, YOU LIKE BEING TALKED TO LIKE THAT, DON'T YOU?! Freakin' masochists. I will keep a special copy warm in Hell for you, brother. Until then, videe well, my droogs. Videe well...
argh!
argh!
CrapBones
Vomitron_G24 November 2006
Holy Macaronial Crap!!!
"BONES OF CRAP"!
"CROSSCRAP"!
"ARR, ARR, CRAP IN ME PIRATE PANTS"!
These all would have been more appropriate titles for the abominable 'movie' that is called CROSSBONES!
When looking for 'first time viewings' for the annual Octobre Horror Movie Challenge here on the IMDb horror-board, I had the misfortune of stumbling upon this extremely lame and idiotic crap-fest. And I now officially have my number 1 Worst Horror movie of the New Millennium! And mind you, I never, ever have used the term 'worst horror movie...'. I always carefully used the phrase "One of the worst...".
Anyway, after having seen this pirate/horror/reality-TV crap-fest, I immediately added one extra point to the first movie I saw during that month for the Challenge, namely BLOODY PIT OF HORROR (aka IL BOIA SCARLATTO). I don't care if that one's made in the 60's or that it's not comparable in any way with CrapBones. At least I had a lot of fun with BLOODY PIT OF HORROR. Hell, it's even a better movie...
In fact, after having seen CrapBones I might as well go back to my reviews and add one extra point to ALL bad & crappy movies I've seen so far. Because none of them was as bad as this one... Well, maybe some... For the ones who know their more recent bad-movie-stuff: SKELETON MAN (that Casper Van Dien crap-fest) is almost Oscar material compared to CRAPBONES. Almost, I said...
I will not even dedicate more time to going into full details of this movie (because really, it's not worth it), but here's another 'aka' title:
CARIBBEAN CRAP!
Hmmm... I wonder if I might have over-used the word "crap" just a little bit in this comment...?
**UPDATE** Please forget that "worst horror movie"-statement I made about CROSSBONES. I recently saw DEMON SUMMER and DA HIP HOP WITCH. And, yes, they're even worse. That just shows you can't be sure of anything anymore these days...
"BONES OF CRAP"!
"CROSSCRAP"!
"ARR, ARR, CRAP IN ME PIRATE PANTS"!
These all would have been more appropriate titles for the abominable 'movie' that is called CROSSBONES!
When looking for 'first time viewings' for the annual Octobre Horror Movie Challenge here on the IMDb horror-board, I had the misfortune of stumbling upon this extremely lame and idiotic crap-fest. And I now officially have my number 1 Worst Horror movie of the New Millennium! And mind you, I never, ever have used the term 'worst horror movie...'. I always carefully used the phrase "One of the worst...".
Anyway, after having seen this pirate/horror/reality-TV crap-fest, I immediately added one extra point to the first movie I saw during that month for the Challenge, namely BLOODY PIT OF HORROR (aka IL BOIA SCARLATTO). I don't care if that one's made in the 60's or that it's not comparable in any way with CrapBones. At least I had a lot of fun with BLOODY PIT OF HORROR. Hell, it's even a better movie...
In fact, after having seen CrapBones I might as well go back to my reviews and add one extra point to ALL bad & crappy movies I've seen so far. Because none of them was as bad as this one... Well, maybe some... For the ones who know their more recent bad-movie-stuff: SKELETON MAN (that Casper Van Dien crap-fest) is almost Oscar material compared to CRAPBONES. Almost, I said...
I will not even dedicate more time to going into full details of this movie (because really, it's not worth it), but here's another 'aka' title:
CARIBBEAN CRAP!
Hmmm... I wonder if I might have over-used the word "crap" just a little bit in this comment...?
**UPDATE** Please forget that "worst horror movie"-statement I made about CROSSBONES. I recently saw DEMON SUMMER and DA HIP HOP WITCH. And, yes, they're even worse. That just shows you can't be sure of anything anymore these days...
Worse than We Thought It Would Be
randylanders19 December 2005
Warning: Spoilers
Late last night, I sat down and finally watched CROSSBONES. My family had been at one of the hotels where scenes were actually shot (my kids are mentioned in the "Making of" section of the DVD as they were the "scallywags" who helped bury the treasure -- and my wife and I are actually seen sitting behind the director), and we were amused by the whole production. The folks making the movie didn't take themselves too seriously, and it looked as though they were going to have a decent little grade-C flick.
We were absolutely disappointed to fund that we were wrong.
MAJOR SPOILERS INCLUDED BELOW----- The movie takes a good twenty minutes to set up the premise (including a ridiculous scene where the pirate rows a modern rowboat from one of the little keys islands to another, only to find a topless woman getting sacrificed by the natives). Then we have a montage of scenes where the characters in this movie spend at least another twenty minutes introducing themselves (ostensibly for the SURVIVOR-style show they're producing). The pirate comes back to life in a mysterious manner (one of the contestants spills blood on a rock, and the pirate suddenly comes out of goodness knows where and sucks his blood like a vampire) and proceeds to whack everyone they've spent all this time introducing in the next twenty minutes. The last twenty minutes of resolution involves going back to Ft. Jefferson and getting the treasure amidst the pirate whacking a few straggling SURVIVOR-types and the producer for a typical "shock" ending that was ambiguous at best. -- END MAJOR SPOILERS
The problem with the film was not the acting (not great, but I've seen worse), not the photography (some of it's pretty good in fact), not the production values (hey, it was shot for a direct-to-DVD film, what'd you expect?). It was without a doubt the writing. If you spend twenty minutes setting up the movie and another twenty minutes introducing the characters, then you've wasted thirty minutes on a needlessly complicated plot and expository character development -- having the characters tell us who they are instead of letting the script SHOW us who they are is just really amateurish writing.
I usually can find something positive enough to give a better rating for movies of this type, but not this time. I've got to agree that this is one of the worst movies ever made.
We were absolutely disappointed to fund that we were wrong.
MAJOR SPOILERS INCLUDED BELOW----- The movie takes a good twenty minutes to set up the premise (including a ridiculous scene where the pirate rows a modern rowboat from one of the little keys islands to another, only to find a topless woman getting sacrificed by the natives). Then we have a montage of scenes where the characters in this movie spend at least another twenty minutes introducing themselves (ostensibly for the SURVIVOR-style show they're producing). The pirate comes back to life in a mysterious manner (one of the contestants spills blood on a rock, and the pirate suddenly comes out of goodness knows where and sucks his blood like a vampire) and proceeds to whack everyone they've spent all this time introducing in the next twenty minutes. The last twenty minutes of resolution involves going back to Ft. Jefferson and getting the treasure amidst the pirate whacking a few straggling SURVIVOR-types and the producer for a typical "shock" ending that was ambiguous at best. -- END MAJOR SPOILERS
The problem with the film was not the acting (not great, but I've seen worse), not the photography (some of it's pretty good in fact), not the production values (hey, it was shot for a direct-to-DVD film, what'd you expect?). It was without a doubt the writing. If you spend twenty minutes setting up the movie and another twenty minutes introducing the characters, then you've wasted thirty minutes on a needlessly complicated plot and expository character development -- having the characters tell us who they are instead of letting the script SHOW us who they are is just really amateurish writing.
I usually can find something positive enough to give a better rating for movies of this type, but not this time. I've got to agree that this is one of the worst movies ever made.
Worst Movie Ever Made.....Ever!!!
woowacka4428 August 2005
Seriously... Worst Movie Ever Made in the History of movies.
Ever been to film class? Ever had a guy make a crappy movie and it just sucked. This is worse! and it has a budget! and it was distributed by Lions Gate Films!
sorry, whats wrong with me... i mean, whats not to like?
Worst Movie Ever Made!!!
-49.3349 out of 10
Ever been to film class? Ever had a guy make a crappy movie and it just sucked. This is worse! and it has a budget! and it was distributed by Lions Gate Films!
sorry, whats wrong with me... i mean, whats not to like?
- zombies that last for 5 seconds - awesome breakthrough roles for African American Characters - great acting - great premise! A pirate who for no apparent reason, comes back to life and kills people on a reality show. - cartwheels! - eye gowdging = instant death! - Great makeup.. ya know what... enough of this...
Worst Movie Ever Made!!!
-49.3349 out of 10
They need a zero vote for this one!
Stan-Bransom3 January 2010
They need a zero vote for this one! What a joke, do your self a favor and just throw the movie in the waste bucket, it is by far the biggest pile of crap I have ever seen created. Extremely poor acting, poor sets, poor wardrobes, poor filming...
Don't waste your time, I can't believe Lions Gate would have anything to do with something of this laughable caliber. The cover art misleads you to think there might possibly be a story worth watching, boy what a joke. I can say I actually only made it into the first 5 minutes the first attempt to view it. Had to show my wife just for a laugh and to convince her it was worth throwing out. I would not wish this on anyone else, life is to precious to waste on this crap. Throw it out, don't pass it on.
Don't waste your time, I can't believe Lions Gate would have anything to do with something of this laughable caliber. The cover art misleads you to think there might possibly be a story worth watching, boy what a joke. I can say I actually only made it into the first 5 minutes the first attempt to view it. Had to show my wife just for a laugh and to convince her it was worth throwing out. I would not wish this on anyone else, life is to precious to waste on this crap. Throw it out, don't pass it on.
this movie is terrible
dclights2 May 2006
I saw this movie it was terrible. I have seen some low budget films I have seen stupid ones but this one takes the cake. I was handed this movie by a friend he said it is terrible he was sorry he bought it and I am giving it to you instead of throwing it away. I wish I had not taken it. It is the worst movie I have ever seen and I have seen a lot. I would recommend this movie as a torture device only and I hope nobody ever has to watch this because I wanted to break the DVD when I was done. The movie starts out and it is a little weird and you think OK it will get better as it goes but no it only gets worse once the reality game show part of the movie starts. The only good part in this movie is the hot girls and even that is not enough to entice me to watch it again. The plot is stupid, the actors are stupid, and the creator of this movie should have been shot on site.
tacky and not worth the DVD it is on
dezid_883 June 2006
the cover was misleading. i thought i was going to watch a film were i would be entertained and thrilled... but no, i got to see boobs and bad acting. now if one can stand acting that would not even be cast in a first grade play, then you may like it. but honestly i don't think anyone not under the influence of something would enjoy this movie, and if so, I'm sorry for the people who had to be in the room at the time it was playing So if you haven't seen it, don't, for your sake and anybody else who would see it. for anyone who has seen it, i know how hard it was to watch it, and just think it cant get any worse, and if it dose...... God help us!
Late Night Cinemax's Ghetto Prudey Cousin
praetoria4 September 2005
Comparing this movie to anything else made ever is an insult to whatever you are comparing it to. If you have ever wondered what reality show people searching for fame do once their 15 minutes are over, this is it. It stars a few reality show rejects (Hardy from Big Brother, some Temptation Island girl, and some Survivor girl).
One of the sub plots of this "movie" was a girl sleeping with a reality show producer to win a show. Is it possible this hits a little close to home? The only way I can figure it, is someone sucked her way up Lion Gates Films to get this distributed through them. I can not stress how bad this movie was.
The film looks like it was shot with VHS camcorders from the 70s. Make up consists of clown make up and a pirate costume. Special effects (if you can call them that) consist of stabbing three feet to the right of the target and then thrashing in the water with Kool Aid.
The "actors" took themselves so seriously, that you can't help but laugh. All of the camera angles focus on T&A and every scene you expect them to end in an orgy. This should have been a STV soft porn, but in the end it ended up being a big tease.
The budget for this movie must have been in the 10s of dollars. Avoid at all costs.
One of the sub plots of this "movie" was a girl sleeping with a reality show producer to win a show. Is it possible this hits a little close to home? The only way I can figure it, is someone sucked her way up Lion Gates Films to get this distributed through them. I can not stress how bad this movie was.
The film looks like it was shot with VHS camcorders from the 70s. Make up consists of clown make up and a pirate costume. Special effects (if you can call them that) consist of stabbing three feet to the right of the target and then thrashing in the water with Kool Aid.
The "actors" took themselves so seriously, that you can't help but laugh. All of the camera angles focus on T&A and every scene you expect them to end in an orgy. This should have been a STV soft porn, but in the end it ended up being a big tease.
The budget for this movie must have been in the 10s of dollars. Avoid at all costs.
Bad...
nicolealonso19 April 2009
OK - so this movie is really lame - I received it as a gag gift at one of those white elephant parties - but I do have to say - when 'Gritty G' sings that Candy Licker song - I laugh every time - it's so bad that it's just hilarious. I still haven't been able to make it through the movie - but I always fast forward to that part just for a laugh.
Otherwise - the movie was pretty bad. The acting - the quality - pretty much everything about it. But I definitely agree with the comment below - if you can pick this up for a $1.00 somewhere - you should get it just to watch that one part and laugh - because more likely than not - there is no way you'll want to watch the whole film.
Otherwise - the movie was pretty bad. The acting - the quality - pretty much everything about it. But I definitely agree with the comment below - if you can pick this up for a $1.00 somewhere - you should get it just to watch that one part and laugh - because more likely than not - there is no way you'll want to watch the whole film.
Not your everyday pirate flick...you've been warned.............
CaptCrunch8 September 2005
I haven't been able to sleep in several nights as I ponder whether a time traveling pirate hides behind my closet door at night ready to seek out his next prey. Just kidding
.....yeah!
Crossbones didn't exactly scare the living bejeezes out of me, but it did provide laughter and great t&a shots!!!!!!! A nice surprise that the cover art fails to mention! Cinematography is great, definitely impressed with the quality given the budget.
Crossbones is worth checking out with friends recommend doing a shot every time a character gets "cursed" and you'll feel like a jolly pirate before the end.
Crossbones didn't exactly scare the living bejeezes out of me, but it did provide laughter and great t&a shots!!!!!!! A nice surprise that the cover art fails to mention! Cinematography is great, definitely impressed with the quality given the budget.
Crossbones is worth checking out with friends recommend doing a shot every time a character gets "cursed" and you'll feel like a jolly pirate before the end.
worth a rental with some rum and pizza
coryshpprd2 September 2005
Sure, this movie was a cheesy horror flick, but what do you expect with a story line about a zombie pirate? There were some pretty good scares, some gore, and the requisite beauties - like Jessie Camacho from Survivor:Africa...holy mackerel! The locations and production value were better than most low budget films; they shot some of it at an old fort in the Caribbean. And, I think this was the last film shot by Neil Fredricks, the talented cameraman that shot The Blair Witch Project. Anybody who gets too riled about it should read the plot more closely on the back cover. If you like pirates, like the undead kind, then it's worth a rental, with some rum and pizza, for a few scares and laughs.
Cross bones ha ha ha
gloony123 September 2005
This would have to be the most stupidest and badly acted movie I have ever seen it was that bad it wasn't even funny. Words cant explain how bad this was. I sat through all of it waiting for something to happen it never did. I pity the poor buggers that put up there money for this movie It really is the worst movie i have ever seen the boat floating in the lagoon was unbelievable when the pirate rowed across the ocean to escape. look the whole thing was cheap badly acted and basically crap. i cant believe anybody could make a movie that bad what were they thinking how anyone would put up money for this is unbelievable . Id be asking for my money back
I got sea-sick!
drosz2227 July 2006
Warning: Spoilers
sorry guys, someone loaned me this on and I honestly have to say that it is pretty unwatchable. the story seemed like a relatively good (albeit somewhat tired) "reality" show horror movie crossover, then quickly eroded. I have posted spoiler alerts, but for those of you that missed it at the top.... SPOILER ALERT!!!!!! it takes 52 minutes (the film is 88 minutes total), yes 52 minutes for the first kill!!!!!!! WTF?????? I could have watched a third of POCII before anyone got "slaughtered" in this movie.... the pirate kills don't count at the beginning, because that is somewhat not pertinent to the modern day story. the effects.... what effects???? they were talking about this "undead" pirate being all chewed up, yet he looked the same from 150 years ago. and the red-headed "native" girl from the beginning? HA!!!! it's supposed to be 1841 and she has implants! BRILLIANT!!!!!! this movie had me laughing when the Spanish pirate talks with the stereotypical English "pirate" accent. this movie was nothing short of a train wreck, but hey..... they achieved what they were striving for and got it to LGF!!!!!!! YEARRRRGH!!!!!!! this treasure should have stayed buried!
Not very good
mvario2 October 2005
I can usually find something good in most low budget horror movies. This is one that I can't. It is so bad on so many levels. This is about a bunch of young folks who go to an island to do a reality survivor type show and are menaced by some resurrected pirate. It starts off with what is supposed to be the origin of the pirate, which looked like it was filmed at historical museum sites (you know, everything is clean and filmed at weird angles so you don't see the tourist signs) with really bad costuming. Note to producers, if you don't have the money to build set, don't do stuff like this, it looks really cheesy. All of the very few characters are completely unlikeable 2-dimensional stereotypes. After seeing Curse of El Charro recently and this flick I've noticed a new stereotype appearing, that is the really obnoxious home girl black chick. The acting is uniformly weak. And did I mention I hated hip-hop/rap soundtracks? It especially doesn't work for a evil pirate movie that takes place on a tropical island. So do we at least get some gore? No way, some blood, but no gore. Do we at least get some boobs? Nope, no luck, not even some nudity to save this.
I have to say, this is one of the worst low-budget horror flicks I've seen in a while. If you want to see a half way decent evil pirate low budget horror flick then check out Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove (2005) which came out a few months ago, but I suggest you pass on this one.
I have to say, this is one of the worst low-budget horror flicks I've seen in a while. If you want to see a half way decent evil pirate low budget horror flick then check out Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove (2005) which came out a few months ago, but I suggest you pass on this one.
wow
whpratt116 July 2006
Thought possibly this film would be interesting with a Pirate on the loose with a bunch of people trying out for a Reality TV show and a $100,000. bonus. Most of the actors did their very best to perform their roles to perfection especially the female actors, showing plenty of T&A or I should say Q&A about why a Pirate is coming to life and disturbing everyone he comes into contact. This is definitely not a film to view, unless you can obtain this film on a DVD for only $1.00, so I threw away a dollar. The director and producer showed plenty of film footage on the making of the Production and acted like they were creating an Academy Award for 2005!
wow
budbusterjayk17 July 2006
I give this movie 2 thumbs down to the biggest pile of sh!t ever created... Unbelievable 2005 movie how sad SAD SaD SAddddddd. then the man turned to the left , but while scratching his balls he twitched to the right just a little bit.... *narrorated* like such throughout the movie like who gives a fiddlers f*&K if you cant see the guys actions in the movie then maybe throw a retard into the scene telling us whats going on... I think i would rather watch anything else even a dog puking over and over and over and over and over with the sounds of dying pigs in the back ground . I hope the people rot in hell for making so many people waste an hour of our life trying to enjoy some half ass sh!t film ........ BLAH DO NOT WATCH THIS BLAH IT IS HORRIBLE BLAH DO NOT WATCH THIS BLAH IT IS HORRIBLE BLAH DO NOT WATCH THIS BLAH .......Producer is a retard.......
Wow, breaking new ground in terrible
goodtimesmeister10 August 2006
What a piece of crap movie. No wait, I take that back, to call this movie a piece of crap is an insult to all previous movies that qualified for this crap distinction. Even as the opening credits rolled, I knew I was in a special event. The pirate ship does not look remotely like a ship from 1841. Scratch that. It does not look like a ship at all. It's a sailboat. I and another weird thing that struck me in the fourth minute was that the voice over narrates the action passages in the movie. Whose ever heard of skipping the action via narrative? So I paused this sucker and went online to find out what IMDb has to say. Sure enough, some kind soul gave this movie two whole stars!!!! But he crapped on it for 8 stars worth. He also sat through more than I'm gonna sit through. The most interesting thing I learned about this dumb movie is that the director died in a plane crash during the making. Well, even the god of movies wanted to do him in!!! I think I forgot to mention that Crossbones reached new highs in bad acting, which is consistent with the rest of it.
Not worth the $2 I Paid
mystery-218324 May 2020
"Bad" does not begin to describe it...
bigmanjq4 February 2007
Warning: Spoilers
This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. I feel like I'm over-rating it by giving it a 1 out of 10! The cinematography was bad. The acting was worse. The plot line was idiotic. Even the narrator was atrocious! 15 seconds into the movie I felt it would be bad -- the whole scene was obviously reversed (text in the scene was even backwards). The characters were stereotyped, but poorly executed.
SPOILER: Only one character was left alive at the end of the movie, and the movie did not even cause you to believe that she was the essential main character. I assumed the "mamma's boy" would have survived also, but he was killed in the final sequence.
I don't have anything against low-budget films. However, I hate films that are this poorly done. I am seriously thinking about burning my DVD to prevent anyone else from being tortured as I was while watching that movie.
In the end, they left it open for a sequel -- I HOPE NOT... EVER!
SPOILER: Only one character was left alive at the end of the movie, and the movie did not even cause you to believe that she was the essential main character. I assumed the "mamma's boy" would have survived also, but he was killed in the final sequence.
I don't have anything against low-budget films. However, I hate films that are this poorly done. I am seriously thinking about burning my DVD to prevent anyone else from being tortured as I was while watching that movie.
In the end, they left it open for a sequel -- I HOPE NOT... EVER!
Not that bad
JensScheutjens27 November 2012
If you don't concentrate on the acting and the cheap cameras and just watch the movie, it isn't that bad, at least thats what i think. i kinda enjoyed this movie and i normally don't like low budget movies. i wouldn't recommend this movie if your not a b movie fan but if you are, this could be great stuff for you. i gave it 6/10 because i liked it . the plot was a quite standard (i don't know if something like this is has ever been used before but it wasn't a really good and original story), the acting was bad and maybe the evil pirate is one of the worst actors. they really did make this movie because they want to be actors and be in a movie with some director who thinks he is making a great movie. i don't know if it really is that way but i surely could be something like that. the horror in this movie was not scary at all, and its very logic for the budget they had. i don't know why the genre is action but it wasn't an action movie. sorry for my bad English but im from Holland so.. bye
If you want to see the best part of this movie...
cael_cyndar_200425 April 2007
...look at the box art. If you want to see the second-best part, fast-forward through approximately 99% of the movie, stopping only for the parts where the producer's gold-digging girlfriend is in a bikini or lingerie. The two or three minutes of screen time she takes up dressed like that is essentially the only part of this movie that's watchable. This movie has actually surpassed HOUSE OF THE DEAD on my Top 5 Worst Movies I've Ever Seen list.
You hear that, people? This is *worse* than Uwe Boll's HOUSE OF THE DEAD! As far as why--When your movie is theoretically about a cursed zombie pirate, it should actually have a cursed zombie pirate in it! The movie's only ninety minutes long, yet it takes over fifty minutes for the "fearsome pirate" to kill someone. (And if that guy's a fearsome pirate, I'm Julia Roberts.) The characters on the reality show are all obnoxious to a ridiculous extreme, except for two of them. Within 5 minutes of their introduction, you'll know who you want to die, and predictably enough, they do.
If you want to enjoy the time spent watching this garbage, turn on the movie and go do something else for 90 minutes. If you insist on actually sitting down in front of the movie, either fall asleep or bring some strong drinks.
You hear that, people? This is *worse* than Uwe Boll's HOUSE OF THE DEAD! As far as why--When your movie is theoretically about a cursed zombie pirate, it should actually have a cursed zombie pirate in it! The movie's only ninety minutes long, yet it takes over fifty minutes for the "fearsome pirate" to kill someone. (And if that guy's a fearsome pirate, I'm Julia Roberts.) The characters on the reality show are all obnoxious to a ridiculous extreme, except for two of them. Within 5 minutes of their introduction, you'll know who you want to die, and predictably enough, they do.
If you want to enjoy the time spent watching this garbage, turn on the movie and go do something else for 90 minutes. If you insist on actually sitting down in front of the movie, either fall asleep or bring some strong drinks.
In a tie for the worst movie ever made...
leonardwatson2121 February 2007
Warning: Spoilers
It is very unusual for me to really hate a movie. I can usually find some redeeming quality in every film. Even if the plot sucks and the acting is atrocious it is usually high on the entertainment value. This movie has no redeeming qualities and now occupies a tie for the worst movie every made with The Pirate Movie. Aside from trying to take off on the worst idea TV people ever came up with (Reality TV) this movie contains nothing to even hold your interest. Even the scenes of Redblood killing the contestants is not believable. Further, there is no point to his killing because it is never clearly portrayed in the film why he is killing everyone. The contestant interviews are pure filler with no purpose in the film and even the beginning of the film that is supposed to set the stage is boring. Additionally, the brags of the movie having a lot of T&A shots are grossly exaggerated. There is one scene in the beginning of the movie where a woman's breasts are briefly visible. After that all "T&A" shots are of moderately attractive women in bikini's. Do yourself a favor and do not waste your time or money on this film.
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