"Die Pferdeinsel", which means "Horse island", is a German television movie from 2006, so this one already almost has its 15th anniversary now, and it as one of the earlier career efforts by writer Döhnert and director Broecker. Their career to this day is really telling enough with all the bad projects in there and while this one here would be a contender/safe bet for worst career effort for almost every filmmaker, for them it is just one of many. The movie runs for 85 minutes and features two actors at the center of it all that are fairly famous here in Germany, namely Muriel Baumeister and Hannes Jaenicke, who surprisingly got first credit here, probably only because he is known by people. Baumeister and her son are more at the center of the film. So yeah, it is not a really long film like I said, but it has more bad and cringeworthy moments than almost all 3-hour movies I'm sure. It already starts pretty poor with the reference about the female protagonist's job. She is scared she could lose it because an English company is buying the company, but in the end of course they even want to promote her because of how awesome she is. Very realistic. Also that the guy from the English company is actually American judging from his accent. But of course, she picks love. Oh and don't make me forget the scene when we hear Baumeister's character share her wisdom with the people she coaches, really the most basic and uninspired stuff and still they act as if she is explaining the world to them. Really all make-believe this movie. Actually thinking of it, yes please make me forget it. The first scene with the boy was just as horrible. We see him at the school where he is bullied by classmates when holding a presentation. Very easy and uninspired approach by the wriiter here. Push the boy into a victim role, so we feel sorry for him. We don't know who the other kids are, we know nothing about them and yet the way how they tease him felt like nothing that would occur like this at an actual school.
The cringe stays the longer the film goes. Actually, it becomes much more severe to be honest. And much more frequent. So many moments. the best example are the two other love interests in the protagonists' lives. We should not forget how desirable Jaenicke is (or his character) with the childhood friend who always wanted him. And Baumeister's has her own suitor, who actually turns out to be the boy's father. Now the problem is there. The way Baumeister's character acts towards the man it is impossible to believe they were in a relationship for years. Completely ridiculous. She did not tell the boy he is the father. She acts so unfriendly towards him, even after he comes up there to see them. And of course she does not want him anymore after staying with him for years because of Jaenicke's character. Of course, they also include the almost obligatory story about the pseudo drama towards the end when the boy hears who is dad is and runs away on the island. And of course it is a night of thunder. And of course, he is safe and sound when they find him. And of course, the two grown-ups are together in the end. And of course, there is already a reference that they will married, also pretty cringeworthy when we hear Jaenicke's character's friend say those words that imply it. And of course, the other man now has to pay for staying with his family for this long instead of taking Baumeister's character because now he loses his true love. It is all so poor really. Even those moments when Jaenicke's character helps the boy and his mother to take a little ride. And don#t even get me started on the boy's refusal to talk. Unreal stuff. Every decent mother would have seeked psychological help there immediately, but nah let's just have a little trip to the island now. What is maybe the most cringeworthy is that they actually dared here to make one or two references to "The Horse Whisperer". Redford is mentioned and towards the end, there are some comments from the boy about horse whispering. They should be embarrassed because if Horse Whisperer is Champions League, then this film here is Kreisklasse (like 7th league or something). By the way, the boy was unbearably bad with his line delivery. Like I said, they relied on depicting him as a victim and constantly suffering. Problem is he does not have the slightest bit of talent to make this character work. His line delivery was abysmal as you can see for example during his voice-overs. Everything else about this film is bad as well. It makes me a bit sad to say it about Baumeister because I do think she is really beautiful, but she is not a good actress and her looks and charisma kept her in the industry for lead roles this long. Same is true for Jaenicke, although he is probably slightly more talented. But what is far worse than the two of them here is the writing for sure. An abomination. Also how of course Baumeister's character is liked by Jaenicke's character's mother. Or how he does not see (or pretends not to see) that the childhood friend adores him. Or what he does with her laptop early on. Or how she is desperatel looking for a "real" phone before adjusting to the countryside. And so on and so on. This film was also majorly dispappointing visually to be honest. Given the location where 80% of the movie is set, it could have been at least a beautiful watch. But even there they come short like in every other area. Oh well, they did not come short ith the soundtrack. That one is constantly being pushed into our ears and shows us how the film actually takes itself seriously and thought they ere coming up with real depth and emotions here. let me assure you the opposite is the case: I could write another 2 paragraphs easily about all that is wrong here, especially individual scenes and moments. But I won't because I'd rather forget them. Okay I think this is all then. I give this film a big thumbs-down. Highly not recommended.
The cringe stays the longer the film goes. Actually, it becomes much more severe to be honest. And much more frequent. So many moments. the best example are the two other love interests in the protagonists' lives. We should not forget how desirable Jaenicke is (or his character) with the childhood friend who always wanted him. And Baumeister's has her own suitor, who actually turns out to be the boy's father. Now the problem is there. The way Baumeister's character acts towards the man it is impossible to believe they were in a relationship for years. Completely ridiculous. She did not tell the boy he is the father. She acts so unfriendly towards him, even after he comes up there to see them. And of course she does not want him anymore after staying with him for years because of Jaenicke's character. Of course, they also include the almost obligatory story about the pseudo drama towards the end when the boy hears who is dad is and runs away on the island. And of course it is a night of thunder. And of course, he is safe and sound when they find him. And of course, the two grown-ups are together in the end. And of course, there is already a reference that they will married, also pretty cringeworthy when we hear Jaenicke's character's friend say those words that imply it. And of course, the other man now has to pay for staying with his family for this long instead of taking Baumeister's character because now he loses his true love. It is all so poor really. Even those moments when Jaenicke's character helps the boy and his mother to take a little ride. And don#t even get me started on the boy's refusal to talk. Unreal stuff. Every decent mother would have seeked psychological help there immediately, but nah let's just have a little trip to the island now. What is maybe the most cringeworthy is that they actually dared here to make one or two references to "The Horse Whisperer". Redford is mentioned and towards the end, there are some comments from the boy about horse whispering. They should be embarrassed because if Horse Whisperer is Champions League, then this film here is Kreisklasse (like 7th league or something). By the way, the boy was unbearably bad with his line delivery. Like I said, they relied on depicting him as a victim and constantly suffering. Problem is he does not have the slightest bit of talent to make this character work. His line delivery was abysmal as you can see for example during his voice-overs. Everything else about this film is bad as well. It makes me a bit sad to say it about Baumeister because I do think she is really beautiful, but she is not a good actress and her looks and charisma kept her in the industry for lead roles this long. Same is true for Jaenicke, although he is probably slightly more talented. But what is far worse than the two of them here is the writing for sure. An abomination. Also how of course Baumeister's character is liked by Jaenicke's character's mother. Or how he does not see (or pretends not to see) that the childhood friend adores him. Or what he does with her laptop early on. Or how she is desperatel looking for a "real" phone before adjusting to the countryside. And so on and so on. This film was also majorly dispappointing visually to be honest. Given the location where 80% of the movie is set, it could have been at least a beautiful watch. But even there they come short like in every other area. Oh well, they did not come short ith the soundtrack. That one is constantly being pushed into our ears and shows us how the film actually takes itself seriously and thought they ere coming up with real depth and emotions here. let me assure you the opposite is the case: I could write another 2 paragraphs easily about all that is wrong here, especially individual scenes and moments. But I won't because I'd rather forget them. Okay I think this is all then. I give this film a big thumbs-down. Highly not recommended.
