- Lucy Montgomerry: [Ecstatic] I'm going for an audition in London! London! London!
- Lucy Montgomerry: [Very un ecstatic, mimiking her] I'm going for a hostpital appointment in Swansea, Swansea, Swansea.
- Don Peacock: Now, did the agency tell you that I would be paying twenty pounds, and that I would be piddling on you?
- Chinese Hooker: What, I don't understand Don.
- Don Peacock: That's alright, you'll know when it hits you.
- Don Peacock: What's that you've done with your hair, it looks like you've had a bit of a shock.
- Hooker with Afro: It's an afro, my father was a black man.
- Don Peacock: Ah. That would explain the shock then.
- Lucy Montgomerry: [Her father is in hospital and wants Duck and Chips but he isn't allowed to have it] Oh, give him his Donald.
- Di Botcher: But it could kill him!
- Lucy Montgomerry: Death by a duck, bonanza!
- Tony Way: At least i'd die happy.
- Lucy Montgomerry: You're not gonna die, you're just getting you're ass sorted!
- Lucy Montgomerry: [at a swimming pool] What is bombing Mr Hasselhoff?
- Tony Way: Bombing is where you jump in with your arms wrapped around your legs, arse facing the water.
- Lucy Montgomerry: Oh I would never do that Mr David, because I have recently had extensive liposuction and work done to my arse. Do you like my new arse, I think it's really sweet.
- [she turns around to reveal a very lumpy bottom]