'Allo 'Allo! (TV Series)

The Gateau from the Chateau (1985)

Sam Kelly: Captain Hans Geering

Photos 

Quotes 

• Capt. Hans Geering : Do you not see? That if you kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug, you need not light the candle with the handle on the gâteau from the château.

  René : Simple plots are always the best.

• Edith : Without your glasses, you're even more attractive

  Capt. Hans Geering : So are you.

• [Von Klinkerhoffen has ordered the Colonel to woo Madame Edith] 

  Col. Von Strom : How can I put this? I don't fancy her.

  Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen : Colonel, how can *I* put it? How do you fancy the Russian Front?

  Capt. Hans Geering : She's a good cook.

  Col. Von Strom : [starting to smile]  Oh, yes. I'd forgotten that.

• [Colonel von Strohm reveals that he has discovered a plot by the Resistance] 

  René : Perhaps they were just trying to kill General von Klinkerhoffen

  Capt. Hans Geering : We're all trying to kill General von Klinkerhoffen.

• Capt. Hans Geering : The chemist gave me a pill containing all his best poisons. You take it with a glass of wine. One drink and, all is quite on the western front.

  Col. Von Strom : Are you sure it will work?

  Capt. Hans Geering : Yes, I told him it was for you.

• Col. Von Strom : Play your cards right and you'll be up stairs

  [with Edith] 

  Col. Von Strom : before the bottles finished.

  Capt. Hans Geering : [yells across to the bar]  Make it a magnum!

• Capt. Hans Geering : René, that is the jug with the drug.

  René : After all that has happened, I could use a little aspirin.

• Col. Von Strom : [discussing the General]  So far, he has only discovered the tip of the iceberg.

  Capt. Hans Geering : You haven't stolen a whole iceberg, have you?

• Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen : ...you will therefore, at once, pay attention to this lady

  [Edith Artois] 

  Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen : and if possible make her your mistress.

  Col. Von Strom : General, how can I put it? I don't fancy her.

  Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen : Coronel, how can I put it? How do you fancy the Russian Front?

  Capt. Hans Geering : She's a good cook

  Col. Von Strom : I'd forgotten that!

• Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen : [General von Klinkerhoffen lights the candles on the cake with a bomb, Captain Geering stands up]  were are you going?

  Capt. Hans Geering : To the little boys room, the Coronel also wants to go to the little boys room.

  Col. Von Strom : No, I do not.

  Capt. Hans Geering : Yes you do.

  Col. Von Strom : No, I do not!

  Capt. Hans Geering : Coronel.

  [whispers to Colonel von Strom] 

  Col. Von Strom : Yes I do!